Outstanding Achievement in Fake Press Releases: CBS announces 'Dancing on the Stars'
The network lost the legal battle over ABC's 'Glass House,' but it won the comedy war
I've been largely ignoring the legal battle between CBS and ABC over the premiere of the latter network's reality show "The Glass House," which the former network insists is a complete rip-off of "Big Brother," and sued to keep it off the air. After all, every successful TV show that's ever existed has been cloned a half dozen times over, and why should we get up in arms over "Big Brother," of all the shows being imitated?
CBS lost the legal battle, but won the war when "Glass House" tanked in its Monday premiere, and now they've won the battle for the last — and certainly best — word with this press release, a marvel of snark and cattiness. Many press releases are easy to laugh at; this is one of the few I've ever seen that I heartily laughed with:
CBS ANNOUNCES DEVELOPMENT OF “DANCING ON THE STARS,”
AN EXCITING AND COMPLETELY ORIGINAL REALITY PROGRAM THAT OWES ITS CONCEPT AND EXECUTION TO NOBODY AT ALL
Los Angeles, June 21, 2012 – Subsequent to recent developments in the creative and legal community, CBS Television today felt it was appropriate to reveal the upcoming launch of an exciting, ground-breaking and completely original new reality program for the CBS Television Network.
The dazzling new show, DANCING ON THE STARS, will be broadcast live from the Hollywood Forever Cemetery, and will feature moderately famous and sort of well-known people you almost recognize competing for big prizes by dancing on the graves of some of Hollywood’s most iconic and well-beloved stars of stage and screen.
The cemetery, the first in Hollywood, was founded in 1899 and now houses the remains of Andrew “Fatty” Arbuckle, producer Cecil B. DeMille, Douglas Fairbanks, Jr., Paul Muni, Benjamin “Bugsy” Siegel, George Harrison of the Beatles and Dee Dee Ramone of the Ramones, among many other great stars of stage, screen and the music business. The company noted that permission to broadcast from the location is pending, and that if efforts in that regard are unsuccessful, approaches will be made to Westwood Village Memorial Park, where equally scintillating luminaries are interred.
“This very creative enterprise will bring a new sense of energy and fun that’s totally unlike anything anywhere else, honest,” said a CBS spokesperson, who also revealed that the Company has been working with a secret team for several months on the creation of the series, which was completely developed by the people at CBS independent of any other programming on the air. “Given the current creative and legal environment in the reality programming business, we’re sure nobody will have any problem with this title or our upcoming half-hour comedy for primetime, POSTMODERN FAMILY.”
“After all,” the spokesperson added, “people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.”
News From Our Partners
- 'Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters': Jeremy Renner Never Read the Script Before Signing On 'Angry Birds' Movie Flies Forward Jennifer Lawrence as Mystique: First Look at the Actress in 'X-Men: Days of Future Past'
- Crosstalk: How does Chris Brown get away with it? For Our Consideration: What do we mean when we call music pretentious? Interview: Michael Cera on the evolution of George Michael Bluth and working in Arrested Development’s writers’ room
- Ranking the Blockbusters with Summer Movie Scorecard 2013 RT on DVD & Blu-Ray: The Last Stand and Side Effects Box Office Guru Wrapup: Star Trek Softer Than Expected at #1
- The Telefile - Veep: The Episode's Best Insults The Telefile - Saturday Night Live: Straight Outta 8H The Telefile - Game of Thrones: Our Weekly Westeros Scorecard
- 'Bates Motel' Season 2: Will Norman Go Full 'Psycho?' FX's 'The Strain' Taps 'Alias' Star Mia Maestro as Female Lead FX's 'Tyrant': Ang Lee Drops out of Directing the Pilot, Cites 'Life of Pi' Exhaustion
- What to Watch Tonight: SYTYCD, Awkward., and the Finales of Grimm, The Game, and DWTS What to Watch Tonight: The Season Finales of Rectify and Hawaii Five-0 and the Series Premieres of The Goodwin Games and Motive Mad Men "The Crash" Review: Uppers Give You Wings!
- 'The Voice' Live Round Recap: The Top 10 Perform Beyonce Is a 'Grown Woman' in Leaked Track Ultra Music Festival Dates Announced, Tickets Go on Sale May 21
- 'Star Trek Into Darkness' Takes Box-Office Crown With $84 Million 'Arrested Development' Gang: Where Are They Now? 'Star Trek Into Darkness': What's Next For J.J. Abrams And The Cast?
Daniel ponders a trip out of town as the terrific first season comes to a closeMonday, May 20, 2013
Some interesting pieces in a new sitcom from the 'HIMYM' guys, but it's a dead show walkingMonday, May 20, 2013
Firewall & Iceberg Podcast, episode 183: 'Behind the Candelabra,' 'The Goodwin Games,' 'Motive' & moreDan and Alan also review 'Save Me,' talk about 'SNL' departures and a wacky 'Mad Men'Monday, May 20, 2013
A police procedural that doesn't bother with whodunnit, but doesn't replace it with anything interestingMonday, May 20, 2013