Pre-credit sequence. The division of tribes has been made by the quality the players most rely upon in life, whatever that means. The Brains Tribe has an average IQ of 130 which is, honestly, not all that impressive. I mean, they're smart, but they're not GEENA DAVIS smart. Spencer tied for first in the World Open Chess Championship and says he's both diabolical and a genius. If you say so! David is the President of the Marlins, which means that if there's a challenge that requires salary dumping, he's going to be hard to top. Kass is a lawyer who boasts about being undefeated, which is the kind of thing John Grisham characters boast about, that and smart older secretaries who have forgotten more law than most of us will ever know. On to the Beauty Tribe, whose beauty can't be measured numerically. But Morgan was an NFL cheerleader and she's sure she can get what she wants from guys. Jeremiah has a thick accent. Jefra was second place in Miss Kentucky three years in a row, which suggests at least three people who should be on "Survivor" instead. The Brawn Tribe includes Cliff Robinson, who is one of the 50 leading scorers in NBA history. Also in Brawn are Tony and Sarah, both police officers, though only Sarah says she likes punching people in the face. Brainy Tasha declares herself "super-smart," which is something no super-smart person would ever say. And Alexis is pretty, but she's also a student. Why do I feel like she isn't pretty enough to be classified only for her beauty or smart enough to be classified only for her Brains?
It's our first performance night for the Top 13 Finalists on Season 13 of "American Idol."
Follow along for all of the fun with the seven remaining girls and six remaining boys as they sing for Harry Connick Jr., Jennifer Lopez and Keith Urban.
If you've checked out my earlier post, you've already seen my interviews with the six guys in the "American Idol" Top 13.
After the judges gave two of their Wild Card slots to women, though, the girls took a 7-to-6 advantage going into the Top 13, meaning that that all-female alliance should be able to Pagong the men.
Wait. Wrong Wednesday reality show.
Anyway, last Thursday, I caught up with all of the Season 13 "Idol" finalists. Click through for interviews with the seven remaining women.
Never begin a relationship with a lie.
That's not wisdom I got from watching ABC's new sitcom "Mixology," which actually preaches quite the opposite. "Mixology" strongly advocates that the best way to get laid involves some level of performativity or outright lying.
So maybe it's appropriate, actually, that "Mixology" begins literally every episode with a lie.
"This is the story of 10 strangers, one night and all the ridiculous things we do to find love," declares the opening voiceover to "Mixology."
"Mixology" is as much about people on a quest for love as "Raiders of the Lost Ark" is about an archeologist on a quest for snakes.
When you get down to it, "Mixology" is about 10 hateful people looking for sex, irrespective of the lack of chemistry between either the characters or the actors. Set across one night, "Mixology" is desperately invested in making you care whether or not sex will happen, but desperately uninvested in giving you any reason to care who it will happen between or why it will happen. "Mixology," thanks to its structure and its deadbeat assortment of characters, is about sex as horrifying and almost nihilistic inevitability.
I've watched six episodes of "Mixology" and if it were a better show, you would think it might be attempting to subvert the pervasive practice of shipping among certain TV fans. Part of what makes certain shows popular is audience members doing everything within their limited power to bring certain characters together, even if the rules of the show don't seem to be built around bringing those characters together. "Mixology," if it were actually intentionally subversive, might intentionally be functioning the opposite way.
Viewer: "But I don't WANT [Boring Man] and [Bitchy Girl] to get together."
"Mixology": "Tough. If they don't have sex at the end of 13 episodes, a nuclear bomb will be detonated in Valencia."
See, that's how you produce stakes in a show that has a ticking clock.
Will Jack Bauer save the West Coast from the rogue Secretary of State piloting a helicopter weighed down by Axe body spray canisters filled with herpes? I'll watch 24 hours of TV to make sure that doesn't happen.
Will 10 singles who probably tripped into a vat of Axe body spray, and may or may not be carrying herpes, get laid before the end of 13 episodes? Somehow, I just can't bring myself to care.
Maybe if "Mixology" were actually about characters finding love, rather than inevitably unsatisfactory -- a lot of booze is consumed -- humping, I could get behind that. "Romantic comedy" isn't my favorite genre, but when executed properly, I can often find enthusiasm. But romantic comedy is hard, because it really helps if you wish happiness, as opposed to misery, on at least one of the characters.
No such luck here.
So don't start with a lie. Nobody in "Mixology" could care less about love.
Now let's get down to an actual review, eh? I mean, I know that whenever I really, really hate something, y'all have to check it out, so you might as well know what you're checking out.
Last Thursday (February 20) night, "American Idol" narrowed its field from 20 down to the season's Top 13 and then, still gasping from the adrenaline rush of eliminations and jubilation, the Top 13 paraded up and down a blue carpet in Hollywood answering questions from reporters.
I was on the spot with one of HitFix's ace videographers to brave the erratic blue carpet lighting and journalistic jostling and we were able to chat with all 13 of the finalists who will be performing together for the first time tonight.
Before Wednesday's episode begins, check out my interviews.
Up first? The six guys in the Top 13.
In case you weren't already amused enough by the eclectic cast for FX's "Fargo," which features Billy Bob Thornton, Martin Freeman, Bob Odenkirk, Keith Carradine, Adam Goldberg, Glenn Howerton, Kate Walsh and more, the network announced on Wednesday (February 26) that Key & Peele are joining the cast.
Comedy Central stars Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele will join "Fargo" for a four-episode arc that lets them work together, playing a pair of FBI agents.
Fast National ratings for Tuesday, February 25, 2014.
CBS had its least-watched Tuesday of originals this season, but still captured the night overall with ease. Meanwhile, "The Voice" and solid encore performances for the pilots of "About a Boy" and "Growing Up Fisher" led NBC to victory among young viewers.
CBS' overall win broke a long streak for NBC, which had dominated primetime since the Olympics.
It was a weak Tuesday premiere for "Glee," which couldn't even approach the "Dads"/"Brooklyn" demo numbers from the fall.
Early returns also weren't great for ABC's "Mind Games." Some people will eagerly report that "Mind Games" did, at least, top last month's premiere for "Killer Women," but given that that drama launched with a sluggish "Trophy Wife" lead-in, "Mind Games" had a fairly robust two-hour "Bachelor" priming the pump.
Finally, it was another big week for "Supernatural" and an OK week for "The Originals," though after spending the fall as near-equals, "Supernatural" has opened up a big lead. Most of that "Supernatural" advantage appears to be in male demos, so The CW probably isn't worried (especially with "The Originals" already renewed). ["Supernatural" also beat "Glee" in all young male demos.]
On to the numbers...
As always, you can subscribe to The Firewall & Iceberg Podcast over at the iTunes Store, where you can also rate us and comment on us. [Or you can always follow our RSS Feed or subscribe on IHeartRadio.]
And as always, feel free to e-mail us questions for the podcast.
"The Amazing Race" has had twists that sent teams home before leaving Los Angeles, but no Racer has ever gone less distance than William "Bopper" Minton.
Sunday (February 23) night's "Amazing Race: All-Stars" premiere began with a sad twist for Team Kentucky.
Bopper, a fan favorite who cheered for partner Mark through an arduous, health-testing Bollywood challenge in their first season, began experiencing internal pain the night before the Race was set to begin, was diagnosed with an inflamed pancreas and was told he shouldn't Race. Instead, Mark was paired, seemingly out of nowhere, with fellow Kentuckian Mallory, making her third appearance on the show, but her first without father Gary.
That's the narrative as presented by "The Amazing Race" on Sunday.
On Monday morning, I talked with Bopper about his medical condition, how he handled it and how the show handled it. Bopper explained his recent perfect storm of catastrophes and his relief that Mark was able to continue without him. He also noted why Mallory was the closest the show could find to another Bopper.
Click through for the full conversation.