Because of the football game between the Patriots and Texans -- GO PATS! -- I missed most of the red carpet coverage before Sunday (January 13) night's Golden Globe awards.
That gives me something else to muse on during this live-blog, other than the usual winners, losers, speeches and graceful hosting by Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.
Follow the live-blog, join the conversation and make fun of the dreadful predictions from me and Greg Ellwood.
7:58 p.m. ET. Should I be live-blogging on Eastern Time? That might confuse me. But blogging on local Los Angeles time might confuse you. But the Golden Globes are IN Los Angeles. Oy.
7:59 p.m. Matt Lauer says history is about to me made! He and I have very different definitions of "history." Also, I don't need to hear your countdown, NBC...
8:00 p.m. Mel Gibson! Robert Downey Jr. That's what I call a FUN table.
8:00 p.m. Please be good, Tina and Amy. PLEASE BE GOOD.
8:00 p.m. Is Bill Murray doing a Chester Arthur biopic?
8:01 p.m. "You can smell the pills from here," Poehler says. "Only at the Golden Globes do the beautiful people of film rub shoulders with the rat-faced people of TV," Poehler says. "Ricky Gervais could not be here tonight, because he no longer technically in show business," Fey says. "As Ricky learned the hard way, when you run afoul of the Hollywood Foreign Press, they make you host the show two more times," Poehler says. Up first on the mockery train is Lena Dunham, who's asked to wink if they're forcing her to do all of her nudity. On to Kathryn Bigelow. "When it comes to torture, I trust the lady who spent three years married to James Cameron," Poehler cracks. Fey, playing straight woman, asks Poehler about the HFPA. "When left untreated, HFPA can lead to cervical cancer," Poehler says.Boston cracking between Poehler and Ben Affleck. "I have not seen somebody so totally alone and abandoned like that since you were on stage with James Franco at the Oscars," Fey tells Anne Hathaway.
8:05 p.m. Jennifer Lawrence looks cold. And worried. "Quentin Tarantino is here... the star of all of my sexual nightmares," Fey says. "Meryl Streep is not here. She has the flu... and I hear she's amazing in it," Poehler says. Mandy Patinkin! Beard! "I like 'Homeland.' I don't think it's as good as that show 'Previously on 'Homeland,'" Poehler says. Fey wants them to cut to Patinkin after each clip of "Les Mis," because he won't be able to hide his distaste. Poehler sings. Cut to Mandy. "Incredible!" "I used to win prizes for that too," Fey tells Julianne Moore, who played Sarah Palin in "Game Change." "Enough silliness... Daniel Day-Lewis is here," Poehler says. Fey jokes that "Young Daniel Day-Lewis was E.T." And he even plays along. "We promise we will wrap up at 11, 11-Day-30 at the latest," Fey promises.
8:09 p.m. Kate Hudson and Bradley Cooper are presenting first. They've got Supporting Actor in a Movie. I'd vote for Philip Seymour Hoffman. I don't get a vote. The winner is... Christoph Waltz for his category-cheating turn in "Django Unchained." "Let me gasp," he says. "Quentin, you know that my indebtedness to you and my gratitude knows no words," Waltz says. He describes this as a journey and thanks all of his travel-mates. He doesn't thank Connie Britton, but she gets a lot of camera time. "The North Star is that one," Waltz says, quoting his film and pointing to Tarantino.
8:12 p.m. Kerry Washington and Dennis Quaid are presenting Supporting Actress in Everything Television. The winner is... Maggie Smith for "Downton Abbey," which speeds the show along, because she's not there.
8:17 p.m. Eva Longoria has a show she's producing for NBC. And Don Cheadle is awesome. And the room is loud. They introduce Ms and Mr Golden Globes. Awww... Clint Eastwood's daughter and Michael J. Fox's son are an awkward couple. Cheadle and Longoria are presenting Best Miniseries or TV Movie. The winner is... "Game Change." My first correct prediction of the night. I'd say "Go me," but it was an obvious-ish one. Danny Strong! Jay Roach (swearing). "I want to thank you for encouraging people to talk more about politics," Roach says. He thanks HBO - Heroic Brave Operation. He also recognizes the authors of the book and the cast, giving particular credit to Julianne Moore, who he also calls "brave."
8:20 p.m. Julianne Moore had better not go too far away, because Actress in a Miniseries or TV Movie is coming up next. Amy Poehler appears in the audience in funny teeth and red hair as a nominated actress named "Darcy St. Budge." The winner is... Julianne Moore, of course. "My children will be so relieved," Moore says. Nice. As the music starts playing, Moore thanks Tina Fey and Katie Couric for their roles in the 2008 election.
8:23 p.m. Catherine Zeta-Jones takes the stage and kinda sings. [Disappointingly, they don't cut to Mandy Patinkin in the crowd.] Does anybody remember that she once won an Oscar for singing? Weird, right? She's introducing the clip for "Les Miserables." It's not really a clip. It's not even a trailer. It is... a one-minute waste of time.
8:28 p.m. Tina Fey explains the plot of "The Hunger Games." "This is the same process by which the HFPA chooses its president," Fey says. Poehler cracks that the president of the HFPA is "a world class archer." HFPA Woman tries making a funny. The audio is muffled. She's leaving. Disappearing into the Delta Twilight. This is... So weird. "Allow me to say three little words to Bradley Cooper... Call me baby [maybe?]." Great. Invite people to your award ceremony and sexually harass the talent. LAME.
8:31 p.m. Rosario Dawson introduces a clip for "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel," which was a terrific airplane movie.
8:32 p.m. Salma Hayek and Paul Rudd are presenting TV Actor, Drama. Already. The loudest applause are for Bryan Cranston. And the winner is... Damian Lewis for "Homeland." This is his first Golden Globe win. That's nice. No bitterness at Damian Lewis winning things. "Thank you, gosh, thank you," Lewis says. He thanks various and sundry people. He dedicates the win to his mother.
8:35 p.m. Rudd and Hayek are back for more awkwardness. I guess the teleprompter isn't working. "Something about the best... um..." Hayek says, before the producers cut to clips. They're presenting Best TV Series, Drama. What a fine thing for them to mess up. The winner is... "Homeland." As my preference was "Anything but 'Newsroom,'" my reaction is "Whew." The director caught a disappointed Aaron Sorkin in the crowd. Heh. It takes a long time for people to hit the stage. They run out of music. "I just wish you all could have seen Claire Danes, eight months pregnant being chased down a drainage tunnel by Abu Nazir," Gansa says. Gansa adds that they felt pressure to follow up the first season and suggests this means they didn't screw things up. I... guess you could take it to mean that? Or else Golden Globe voters are Golden Globe voters. Yikes. Then Gansa spoils all of the death in the Season 2 finale. Gordon thanks Gideon Raff, creator of the original series.
8:42 p.m. John Goodman and Tony Mendez -- eternally shorter and more Latino than Ben Affleck -- present the clip from "Argo." Tony Mendez may know how to fake a movie to get people out of Iran, but he doesn't know how to talk into a microphone. Let me emphasize that the former is VASTLY more important than the latter. I understand this. Still... There's a fuzzy part at the end of a microphone. It's much less complex than extricating people from Iran.
8:44 p.m. Jennifer Lopez's dress looks uncomfortable. Jason Statham looks... more comfortable. They're presenting Original Score. The winner is Mychael Danna for "Life of Pi." He's a talented guy. I'd have gone with Alexandre Desplat. Danna calls this "The film of a lifetime." After some struggle finding him, Danna identifies Ang Lee in the crowd. The music plays as Danna thanks his wife.
8:47 p.m. Lopez and Statham introduce Best Original Song now. There are some crazy songs from some odd movies in this category. The winner is... "Skyfall." Awesome. Emily Deschanel seems happy for Adele. This makes me and Adele very happy. "Oh ma God!" Adele gushes. She's so charming that even Taylor Swift makes a happy face for her. "We've been pissing ourselves laughing," Adele says. She thanks Daniel Craig, among others.
8:54 p.m. Kiefer Sutherland and Jessica Alba are presenting NBC's "Deception." Wait. No. That was just a REALLY large chyron. They're presenting Actor in a Miniseries or TV Movie. Tina Fey, with mustache, is in the audience as Damian Francisco from "Dog President." The winner is... Kevin Costner for "Hatfields & McCoys." "Kind of a short walk and long career and there's a lot of people to thank a long the way. It's been a dream for sure," Costner says, before thanking the people of Romania. He recalls his first time at the Golden Globes, watching a celebration of Gregory Peck. "It's been a great ride and I want to thank the Golden Globes," Costner says. How oddly reflective he's being. I hope he's OK.
8:58 p.m. ZOMG! It's Bill Freaking Clinton. Lena Dunham's "happy" face is AWESOME. Clinton gets a standing ovation. He's presenting the clip for "Lincoln," a task he seems slightly overqualified for.
9:00 p.m. "Wow. What an exciting special guest. That was Hillary Clinton's husband," gushes Amy Poheler. "That was Bill Clinton! That was Bill Rodham Clinton!" Fey says, still wearing her costume from the previous gag. She gleefully mispronounces Kristen Wiig and Will Farrell's names before her old "SNL" chums hit the stage. They pretend to be very excited by this opportunity. I'm mostly excited by Farrell's mustache. There's a joke about how Farrell watched all of the movies in their category. And Wiig did not. But then the joke is that neither of them did. I can't really condense this gag, but it's pretty good. But... "Judi Dench... Where did she comes from?" Farrell asks. I can't tell if this is improv or just feigned improve. The nominees are initially perplexed that they're being mocked, but by the time they get to Jennifer Lawrence, everybody is loving it. "No one knows what 'The Quartet' is," they agree, as director Dustin Hoffman chuckles in the crowd. You know who isn't amused? Tommy Lee Jones. I say there's a 15 percent chance Jones was playing along with his stone face. But that may be high.
9:06 p.m. The winner is Jennifer Lawrence. Taylor Swift stands for J-Law, because Taylor Swift sang a song for a different Jennifer Lawrence movie. "What does it say? I beat Meryl!" Lawrence says. The crowd isn't sure how to react. Lawrence thanks the cast and tells Harvey Weinstein, "Thank you for killing whoever you had to kill to get me up here today." She's charming and adorable and, as we learned on the red carpet, sick.
9:12 p.m. John Krasinski and Kristen Bell are presenting Supporting Actor in Everything TV. The winner is... Ed Harris for "Game Change." Ed Harris is missing, so we whiz right along!
9:13 p.m. Jamie Foxx is presenting the clip from "Django Unchained."
9:14 p.m. Megan Fox and Jonah Hill are presenting. They have some patter about how Jonah hasn't called Megan back. Is this a joke about cuckolding The Notorious BAG? Ouch. They're presenting Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture. There was never much doubt this would go to... Anne Hathaway. "Blurg. Thanks for that word, Tina," Hathaway says. "Thats for this lovely blunt object that I will forever more use as a weapon against self-doubt," Hathaway. She particularly thanks Sally Field for her fight against typecasting. Awww. That was very nice. VERY. She's just locked up the Oscar (in case she hadn't done so already). She's lovely and gracious and funny and nobody would dare play her off the... Oh. There's the music. Boo. Let Anne speak!
9:22 p.m. Robert Pattinson and Amanda Seyfried are paired and, naturally, they're presenting Best Screenplay. The winner... Quentin Tarantino for "Django Unchained." "Wow. I wasn't expecting this. This is a surprise," he says, starting by thanking his actors. He also thanks his group of friends, the people he tests scenes on as he's writing his script. "I don't want input. I don't want you to tell me I'm doing anything wrong. Heavens forbid" he says, thanking them. That's an interesting insight into the creative process, isn't it.
9:26 p.m. Really? Jeremy Irons introducing the clip from "Salmon Fishing in the Yemen"?
9:27 p.m. Debra Messing and Lucy Liu are paired for Lead Actor in a Comedy Series. The winner is... Don Cheadle for "House of Lies." There's a minor upset that I called successfully. Cheadle is also surprised. He gives a straight-forward acceptance.
9:33 p.m. Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger present Foreign Language Film. They get into a fight over which of them speaks English worse. That... seemed like a good idea on paper. The winner is... "Amour." Accepting is Michael Haneke. "I thought to get an award in Hollywood by an Austrian," Haneke says. It's funny to see Michael Haneke at one of these things. "If this prize is in my hand, I think the base is for me and crew, but the globe is for both my actors," he says.
9:37 p.m. Nathan Fillion and Lea Michele present Lead Actress in a TV Drama. You won't be vaguely surprised that the winner is... Claire Danes for "Homeland." There sure isn't much point in predicting against Claire Danes for anything, is there? This is her fourth Golden Globe win. "Wow," she says. She thanks the "badass" women in her category. "I'm very proud to be working in this medium in this moment in this company," she says, thanking her cast and the show's creators. She recalls admitting to the rest of the "Homeland" team that "Carrie was carrying." She thanks Cyrus, her new son, who's upstairs. She thanks her son for being with her the whole time and "fighting this war against terrorism."
9:44 p.m. Sacha Baron Cohen is being VERY drunk and British. He raves about his co-star "Hugh Jackson," mocks Russell Crowe's singing and references Anne Hathaway's up-skirt photo. Yawn. He's presenting Animated Feature. Oh. The winner is... "Brave." Yawn. And I liked "Brave." Mark Andrews accepts. "Holy cow!" he crows and calls 2012 an amazing year for animation, particularly calling out fellow nominee Tim Burton. "Being brave is about being true to yourself and allowing your loved ones the same freedom," he says.
9:48 p.m. Liev Schreiber is narrating something... Specifically, it's the clip from "Life of Pi."
9:50 p.m. Jason Bateman carries Aziz Ansari onto the stage. "Wow, the cast of 'Downton Abbey' really has some amazing weed backstage," Ansari says. Julian Fellowes is unamused. Ansari has the munchies. That's semi-funny. Ansari tells Daniel Day-Lewis that he loved him in "Expendables 2." This was not a worthwhile gag. They're presenting Lead Actress in a Comedy. Fey is setting with J-Lo. Poehler is sitting on George Clooney's lap. The winner is... Lena Dunham for "Girls." Good for her. Not what I predicted. But good for her. "I thought that I was going to be a cooler customer if this ever happened," she says. Hand shaking, she reads a very nice tribute to her fellow nominees for getting her through a wide variety of ailments. She thanks her fellow castmembers, giving particular props to Adam Driver, which is damn good of her.
9:58 p.m. Tina and Amy are now drunk. "Everybody's getting a little loose now that we're losers," Poehler slurs. "Look how drunk Glenn Close is," Fey says, as Close plays along gamely. "You know what, Taylor Swift. You stay away from Michael J. Fox's son," Fey slurs. Fox laughs, but they do NOT cut to Taylor Swift.
9:59 p.m. Out next is Robert Downey Jr. "The Cecil B. Demille Award says as much about the presenter as it does the recipient," Downey says, as Jodie Foster smiles in the crowd. Somehow this becomes a gag about Downey and Mel Gibson presenting Foster with a pair of stuffed hamsters. It's hard to know when Downey is being sincere, so when he mentions her donation to The Jodie Foster Aquatic Pavilion, nobody laughs until they show a picture of Jodie doctored to look like Bo Derek in "10." That sets up a clip package that includes a surprising amount of "Contact." And entire too much -- two seconds -- from "Flightplan."
10:05 p.m. Everybody stands for Jodie Foster. "I'm 50," Foster says a lot. Molly Shannon is strangely touched. "47 years in the film industry is a long time," says Foster, who says that she feels like the prom queen. She says she's about to make a declaration that she's nervous about... She asks for our support. "I am... uh... single," she says. "No. I'm kidding. I'm not really kidding," she says. The audio cuts for a while. She says that this isn't going to be a big coming out. I have no idea what she's saying. But she's not Honey Boo-Boo Child. She talks about valuing her privacy. "Love people and stay beside them," is her wisdom. Yeah. I have absolutely no clue what she did or didn't do here. She thanks her two sons. She thanks Mel Gibson. She thanks her ex-partner Cydney Bernard. The message to her mother at the end is absolutely heartbreaking. Kate Hudson is crying. Emily Deschanel is crying. Anne Hathaway is crying. "I want to be seen to be understood deeply," she says. That speech was everything. Gracious.
10:14 p.m. All of humanity was just encompassed in Jodie Foster's speech. Possibly backwards. I mean, yes, it was a wee bit bonkers and hard to parse, but I'm not sure I've EVER heard anybody give a speech like that at ANYTHING
10:16 p.m. Direct-to-video star Halle Berry has to follow Jodie Foster. She's presenting Best Director and she's doing it quickly. The winner is... Ben Affleck for "Argo." Suck it, Oscars. Jon Hamm is happy. Jennifer Garner is happy. Jonah Hill is happy. "Look, I don't care what the award is, when they put your name next to the names she just read off, it's an extraordinary moment in your life," Affleck says. He compares Paul Thomas Anderson to Orson Welles. Nice.
10:20 p.m. Josh Brolin presents a clip from "Moonrise Kingdom."
10:21 p.m. Jay Leno and Jimmy Fallon are paired for something. They seem to be making jokes about the 11:30 time slot. It's not all that funny. But they're presenting Best TV Series, Comedy. The winner is... "Girls." Yay! Lots of people in the crowd appear a bit perplexed. And they seated the "Girls" team way far away from the stage, producing a long, awkward parade to the stage. There's a lot of hugging behind Lena Dunham, who makes a joke about nakedness "both emotional and physical." She compares the experience to "having an actual good time at summer camp." "I also promised if I ever get this chance, I would thank Chad Lowe," Dunham says, presumably mocking Hilary Swank.
10:29 p.m. Because this show needed more crazy... Christian Bale. He's doing the clip for "Silver Linings Playbook."
10:30 p.m. Awww. Jennifer Garner comes out to thank a couple of the people Ben Affleck forgot to mention, specifically George Clooney and Grant Heslov. She's actually presenting Lead Actor in a Comedy. The winner is Hugh Jackman for "Les Miserables." Bradley Cooper looks disappointed. Other people look happy. Jackman's recovering from the flu. He tells a story about somebody stealing the wheels from his bike when he auditioned for "Les Mis." He tells another story, then, about his wife convincing him not to drop out of the production in rehearsals.
10:38 p.m. "Golden Globe nominee and star of 'Hansel & Gretel' Jeremy Renner." Burn. He's got clip duty for "Zero Dark 30."
10:40 p.m. Dustin Hoffman is presenting Best Comedy or Musical. But first he has to make a "Quartet" joke. Nobody laughs, because it's hard to remember a gag from an hour ago. The winner is "Les Miserables." Of course it is. Chris Tucker claps appreciatively. Because he's happy to have been invited to an awards show. Anne Hathaway forgot to thank her manager, so she hijacks the beginning of the speech. The film's producer congratulates everybody. They get played off very early.
10:47 p.m. "This next presenter is so good-looking he makes young George Clooney look like garbage," Fey says. "Please welcome middle-aged George Clooney," Poehler says. Clooney takes the stage and congratulates Ben Affleck. He's got Lead Actress in a Drama. The winner is... Jessica Chastain for "Zero Dark Thirty." Excellent, though there were some great performances in that category. She's very nervous, taking about her journey to the podium. Among the castmembers, she thanks Jason Clarke by name. That's good of her. She compares Kathryn Bigelow to the character she played in "ZDT."
10:50 p.m. Clooney sticks around, taking Meryl Streep's gig presenting Lead Actor in a Drama. The winner is... Daniel Day-Lewis for "Lincoln." Finally some recognition. "Are you sure there's room for another ex-president on this stage?" he says. He tells a very strange story about going out hunting and scavenging for wife Rebecca Miller. He gets in thanks for Tony Kushner and Steven Spielberg before he's played off. Yes, they play Daniel Day-Lewis off the stage. Sigh.
10:57 p.m. Julia Roberts gets to close the show with Best Motion Picture Drama? The winner is... "Argo." More kisses for Jennifer Garner. And George Clooney gets to take the stage as a winner. Grant Heslov gets to accept, even though the announcer said Ben Affleck was going to do it. Victor Garber gets an extra shout-out by making it to the stage late.
11:00 p.m. "We're going home with Jodie Foster!" yells Amy Poehler, as the show ends.
And that's all, folks...