Like few artists before her, Lady GaGa has already established her desire to use music videos as far more than mere promotional clips. Instead, they are mini-movies that stand alone as their own creative expression.
In the 10-minute video for “Telephone,” which features Beyonce, Lady G creates a mini-spectacle that rips off “Caged Heat,” and then “Kill Bill” and finally “Thelma & Louise.” It doesn’t have the warped sense of humor of “Paparazzi,” (which was also directed by Jonas Akerlund) or the wild futuristic bent of “Bad Romance,” but it’s wonderfully entertaining, if not very original.
The film opens as Lady GaGa, in the sharpest prison attire ever, has been arrested for some crime, perhaps of a crime against fashion, and is headed for a strip search by the butchest female prison guards ever. They declare “she doesn’t have a dick”—a reference to the recent rumor, based on a photo, that Lady GaGa was packing a penis.
She’s clearly sent to a prison full of Fashion Institute of Technology grads because they are all decked out in outfits straight off a trashy runway. Lady GaGa excels beyond all though, creatively dressing herself in chains, crafting eye glasses out of Marlboros and using Diet Coke cans for curlers. LG finds love immediately with her own tattooed love girl and has a little girl on girl action before she gets a mysterious phone call.
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She’s about to get out of jail, but first it’s time to break into a dance number as the lipstick lesbians get decked out in their black studded bras and panties. Lady GaGa also decides to make a fashion statement out of crime scene tape. Girlfriend will never ever need to do anything as pedestrian as a Playboy photo shoot—she’s basically shown us everything but a full-on crotch shot in her videos. At least she keeps it interesting.
Once she’s done jailhouse rocking for the last time, LG reunites with Beyonce—or Honey B, as LG calls her, who has come to pick her up in, yes, the Pussy Wagon.
Their relationship is left deliberately vague but Beyonce provocatively feeds LG a bear claw in what would seem to be an allusion that they are more than just friends.
We’re not sure why, but Honey B decides to kill everyone in a diner with poison that Lady G, who’s now working in a kitchen without a hairnet but a bitching telephone made of hair, has used to spike coffee and Wonder Bread sandwiches (note the number of product placements. We stopped at four).
In case you’re wondering how to celebrate your next killing spree, the correct answer is by bursting into dance. If you can do it in a star-spangled bikini with your peeps, even better. Lady GaGa brings out the nasty in Beyonce like no one else (as she did in the video for “Videophone”), but Beyonce can’t quite cross over to the dark side. She appears in cut-offs, no bikini for her. Plus, Lady GaGa says “motherfucker,” but when Beyonce utters the same word, it’s bleeped.
In the final moments, the movie turns all “Thelma and Louise” after the two girls, dolled up perhaps ready to go to their own funeral, drive off, hands clasped as the words “To be continued” flash across the screen. We can’t wait to see what they have in store for us next.
What do you think of the second GaGa/Beyonce collaboration? Does it beat "Videophone"?