We all knew "Revenge" was due for a reboot. After fans grumbled about the more ludicrous story lines that had developed (Ninja warrior training? Really?) and creator Mike Kelley was shown the door, there was definitely talk of the show narrowing focus and getting back to basics -- Emma's plot to destroy the Graysons. It's a 99 percenter fantasy! While that's clearly back on the table, there were quite a few other stories in play. Did they all work? That, of course, remains to be seen.
We kick things off with Emily (Emily VanCamp) wearing a wedding dress and getting shot repeatedly, which gives us a rather lovely shot of her falling in slow motion off of a boat (God forbid she slump to the floor in a wad of white tulle). So many possible shooters! But no time to explore that, as we're soon jumping back in time to see what's been going on in the Hamptons.
To start, Charlotte isn't pregnant anymore, so that happened. We've flashed forward six months, and apparently losing both Declan and the baby have made her a kind of grumpy that even a long trip to Paris can't fix. It's pretty clear that the show's writers just wanted to pretend Declan never happened, which honestly isn't the worst idea ever.
One thing we find out about (as does Charlotte) is that the hunky guy Victoria has been stroking out in the country is actually her son. This would be reassuring if Victoria's version of motherly love didn't look so much like it was heading to hot sex. Anyway, Patrick seems nice, moral and far too good to be a Grayson, which either means he's going to disappear forever, change, or he's just a great liar (since it's out on the great Interwebs that Patrick Harper is a recurring character this season, I'll go with options two and three).
Someone who is actually and truly gone is Ashley. Her brief flirtation with blackmail that leads to her hasty exit is pretty disappointing, and even though Ashley (Ashley Madekwe) has Tweeted she's done with the show, I can't believe that's a forever thing. She had become a bit of a plot device, but a plot device with a great pout and an English accent, and that's never a bad thing.
At the very end of the show we discover that Aiden is back, but I'm not sure what he's up to. If he's truly turned on Emily (which I don't believe), I can't believe he's going to make inroads with Victoria. As far as Emily sidekicks, I'm not sure she needs anyone other than Nolan. Even if he's reluctant to play computer sleuth this season, I'm okay with him parachuting into scenes and generally being Nolan. Given that too many of the characters on this show are far too serious about crazy, sudsy story lines, we can never have too much comic relief.
Alas, the big moment we've all been waiting for -- Jack kissing Emily -- was a bitter disappointment, as he claims he felt nothing, he hates her guts, and even though he understands her desire for revenge, he's giving her a time limit before he outs her true identity. Wha? I doubt he really didn't feel anything anymore, but I'd prefer straight mad Jack over "I get you but I hate you" Jack, as this strange middle ground screams "creating a ticking clock for the plot!" as opposed to logical emotion. Emily, it seems, isn't happy either way, and I'm already missing the sad, mopey scenes of desire derailed we had back in season one.
But the good news is that, as in that first, heady season, we're no longer worrying about the Initiative or Takeda or any of the other stuff that never made much sense. No, we're now getting straight-up revenge (the fake Huntington's diagnosis was TOTALLY illogical, but hey, this is still "Revenge," after all) and lots of backstabbing and frontstabbing and just... stabbing. That's good enough for me.
What did you think of the premiere? Who do you think shot Emily? Were you disappointed in Jack and Emily's kiss?