Hey, who knew that a trip to South Africa can transform you into a lovable peacemaker? Okay, maybe not lovable, but Ramona swears that her vacation (the one she can't stop mentioning, just so everyone and their dog knows she went to SOUTH AFRICA) has turned her into a gentler, kinder, better person. Apparently being a better person, by her definition, means bullying other people into playing nice with someone they hate, then flaking out on them as punishment for not being as Zen and forgiving as she is. Excuse me, I think I have to lie down. The layers upon layers of hypocrisy are just making my head hurt. 

While Heather did deliver the smackdown on Aviva last week with lots of colorful language and ghetto hand gestures, I can't argue with the reasoning behind it. While Aviva thinks Heather was calling her names and hurting her fragile feelings, I think Heather was, as she said, just telling the truth. Sadly, Heather thinks that the truth actually matters to Aviva, who much prefers to let everyone know she's a victim of evil stay-at-home bias and unfair judgment for her decision to crowdsource her memoir. It takes a village to write a book, didn't you know? Hemingway totally had, like, a bunch of monkeys pounding away on typewriters!

Anyway, Aviva is so busy worrying about her wounded little ego she doesn't really care what Heather has to say, so even though Ramona does manage to force the two to meet, it doesn't accomplish much. Aviva and Heather agree they don't particularly like one another, but since they can agree on that point, this apparently means Heather needs to invite Aviva to her tenth anniversary party, right? Right? Because, hey, what says lasting love like bickering with a frenemy in the corner of a party and tossing expensive champagne in her face?

Heather wisely decides to text Aviva a gentle "stay the hell away from my shindig, holla!" which so deeply offends Sonja and Ramona they decide to boycott in protest. I'm sure Heather thinks hey, more caviar for me, who cares? But still, she's a little put out. As she explains, there's catering and head count and, yes, two people she left off the guest list to invite these losers she doesn't like. 

Actually, Heather's argument about her need to create a loving environment for her anniversary party by keeping Aviva away falls apart a little bit when she admits that she invited Ramona and Sonja in the first place, but hey, the Bravo gods are probably more responsible for this party than Heather is. I will hand it to Carole, though -- even though her fight with Aviva kicked off the conflict, Heather's willingness to come to her defense has gotten Carole mostly out of the action. Heather's a better fighter anyhow. Carole might break something.

Hey, anyone else think Kristen and Josh are headed to a messy divorce? Well, certainly Kristen seems to think so, as she pretty much announces that to Heather as she sweeps into the anniversary party. Kristen is deeply upset that Josh doesn't want to escort her to parties or... something, I don't know. It all seems to be much ado about nothing. Maybe it's just an opportunity for her friends -- Carole, as well as Yolanda and Brandi from "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills," who drop by for some ill-defined reason -- to talk about blow jobs. In the world of "Real Housewives," there is no such thing as TMI. After all, Heather's husband tells us that she's supposed to give him a threesome for their tenth anniversary, but he's sure she's going to back out of the deal. Poor baby! 

Anyway, Kristen reveals lots of fun things about her marriage in this episode -- namely that she almost screwed an Elvis impersonator at her bachelorette party and lied to her husband about having met with their marriage therapist before dragging him to an appointment. As Carole points out, dishonesty in a marriage is a killer. So is reality TV, if you think about it. 

I guess next week we'll see what happens when Heather faces off against one terrible trio -- Aviva, Ramona and Sonja. I think Heather could take them all in a fight without trying too hard, though. She may have a tough time outscreaming the Singer Stinger, though. 

Do you think Heather was unfair not to invite Aviva? Do you think Ramona and Sonja made a mistake in flaking on the party? Do you think Kristen's fascination with Elvis is really, really weird?