I saw 'Ready for Love' and all I got was this lousy headache
In this era of crazy mash-ups, I'm sure someone at NBC thought "Ready for Love" was an awesome idea. Or maybe just an idea. NBC has been boasting only slightly better ratings than my microwave lately, so I think the network will try anything at least once. Or, in the case of "Ready for Love," everything at the same time (not that it worked; the ratings showed it pretty much shed all of its "The Voice" lead-in). It's like that Taco Town skit on "Saturday Night Live": It's a taco wrapped in a corn husk and a Parisian crepe and a deep dish pizza and then a deep-fried blueberry pancake! Yeah, "Ready for Love" is kind of like that. And just as hard to swallow.
If you missed the two-hour torture-a-thon that was the premiere, the show is basically "The Dating Game" meets "The Bachelor" meets "Deal or No Deal" with a generous serving of "Death Race 2000" and human trafficking. And that's not all! The deep-fried blueberry pancake is that this is "The Bachelor" if "The Bachelor" had three bachelors! One's a rock star! One's Latino! The last guy's a CEO! And these lucky guys break up with women (who are hauled up and down the set like the prize cattle they are) in something called The Garden, which is under the stage and sounds kind of ominous! And there are three matchmakers who pick teams of women to woo the bachelors, so it's like "The Voice," too! And that's a hit for NBC! We MUST MAKE THIS AS MUCH LIKE "THE VOICE" AS POSSIBLE!
So many parts. So many of them suck. It's hard to know where to begin, you know?
Let's start with the matchmakers. Ever watch "Millionaire Matchmaker"? Patti Stanger is insane, but she's fun. Sometimes she has valid points, even. The matchmakers of "Ready for Love"? Probably insane, but not fun. They tell the women to be themselves, to be sexy, to work on their "personal brands" and to think way too much about being in the moment, which sort of negates the point.
While Amber Kelleher-Andrews is perhaps the most pimp-like of the matchmakers (I'm waiting for the day she tells her women to wear shorter skirts and cross their legs "Basic Instinct"-style) and Matt Hussey does have that nice British accent, Tracy McMillan seems both the most logical and the least qualified of the bunch. She appears to be just some thrice-divorced chick who wrote an article about women not being able to find good men because they're asshats. This falls under the category of "duh," but she's turned it into a cottage industry.
The role of the matchmakers is to talk to the women. And talk to the men. And talk. And talk. And you know what? If I wanted to read a crappy self-help book on how to date, I would. Patti Stanger at least has bad plastic surgery and a mean, crowlike caw to make things interesting. These matchmakers try to be encouraging and soothing and sometimes deliver difficult truths while making sad faces. They'd be great as mortuary staffers, but don't bring much life to this DOA mess. Meanwhile, the women try to focus on their advice, focus on the bachelor, focus on the TV cameras and try not to go insane.
Our first bachelor, Tim Lopez of The Plain White T's, is handsome and famous and heartbroken after the failure of his first marriage. So, you know, he needs professional help finding a girlfriend. Because women just hate him. All that talent, all those good looks, jeez.
The show bounces between pre-taped dating and wacky game show-style theatrics in front of a live audience while Giuliana Rancic (whose eye make-up is so dark she looks like a walking bruise) and husband Bill try to keep things moving along. A la "The Dating Game," at first Tim must eliminate women after they plead with him desperately to
save them from being sold into slavery date them. The women he doesn't save from a hellish fate of reality TV dating sink into the floor, possibly to be slaughtered. I just wouldn't be surprised.
The women seem eager and attractive and, for some reason, desperate. One woman, Alexis, raps very, very badly and, as punishment, is sent packing. An elementary school teacher talks about farting and weeps in front of Tim, which should, really, be the last date for these two, but isn't.
No, Tim sends home Leah, whose lip injections should qualify her for a guest appearance on at least one "The Real Housewives" program of her choice. Alas, she was the only woman who came into the show with an interesting backstory -- she actually knew Tim as a friend for six years and decided to go onto the show to test her previously unrevealed crush -- so, sure, send her ass home. On "The Bachelor," producers would have been smart enough to slow Tim's roll and make him keep Leah around to get us to come back next week. But then, "Ready to Love" clearly isn't ready for primetime (or basic cable, or late night, or YouTube), so maybe the show itself won't be back too many weeks anyway. Of course, it is NBC. Sucktastic might be the best it can do.
Did you see "Ready for Love"? How quickly do you think it will be canceled?
2013 | Thriller | RSummary: Based on the true story of Daniel Lugo (Mark Wahlberg) a Miami bodybuilder who wants to live the American dream. He would like to have the money that other people have. So he enlists the help of fellow bodybuilder Adrian Doorbal (Anthony Mackie) and ex-convict, Christian bodybuilder Paul Doyle (D...Director: Michael Bay
Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson, Anthony Mackie, Tony Shalhoub
1996 | Crime | RSummary: Jerry, a small-town Minnesota car salesman is bursting at the seams with debt... but he's got a plan. He's going to hire two thugs to kidnap his wife in a scheme to collect a hefty ransom from his wealthy father-in-law. It's going to be a snap and nobody's going to get hurt... until people start ...Director: Joel Coen, Ethan Coen
Cast: William H. Macy, Frances McDormand, Steve Buscemi, Peter Stormare
2008 | Science Fiction | PGSummary: Animated series continues the story of Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker as they battle the Emperor Palpatine, Count Dooku and General Grievous, but also takes time to explore other smaller characters in the Star Wars universe.Director: George Lucas (creator)
Cast: Tom Kane, Dee Bradley Baker, Matt Lanter
1995 | Mystery | NRSummary: Denzel Washington plays an out of work WWII vet who takes the wrong job and is soon neck-deep in a mess of politics, murder, and jazz in '40s Los Angeles.Director: Carl Franklin
Cast: Denzel Washington, Tom Sizemore, Jennifer Beals
2007 | Comedy | PGSummary: Newlyweds Nick (Ice Cube) and Suzanne (Long) decide to move to the suburbs to provide a better life for their two kids. But their idea of a dream home is disturbed by a contractor (McGinley) with a bizarre approach to business.Director: Steve Carr
Cast: John C. McGinley, Ice Cube, Nia Long, Aleisha Allen
2013 | Drama | RSummary: Leonardo DiCaprio and Jonah Hill have boundless energy in the story of a real-life commodities crook who earned millions through scummy small-time stock trades.Director: Martin Scorsese
Cast: Leonardo DiCaprio, Jonah Hill, Margot Robbie
1993 | Sports | PGSummary: Emotionally powerful sports classic featuring Sean Astin as a skinny high school kid with big football dreams and the determination to make his way towards his dream team at Notre Dame.Director: David Anspaugh
Cast: Sean Astin, Jon Favreau, Ned Beatty
1997 | Crime | RSummary: Quentin Tarantino adaptats an Elmore Leonard novel into this story of a few increasingly desperate people scraping to get by. It has deep soul, a wicked sense of humor, and Samuel L. Jackson, Robert De Niro, Pam Grier, and Robert Forster.Director: Quentin Tarantino
Cast: Pam Grier, Samuel L. Jackson, Robert Forster
2013 | Comedy | NRSummary: Insanely funny comedy show created by Amy Schumer, who stars in brilliantly funny sketches about sex, city living, dating, and friendship.Director: Daniel Powell, Amy Schumer (creators)
Cast: Amy Schumer, Kevin Kane, Mike Houston
Let Streaming Genie help you.