"Dancing with the Stars" 

Credit: ABC

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It's the double elimination all the remaining celebrities fear -- no one wants to go home this far into the competition. To get so close to the mirror ball and fall short of the mark? Heartbreaking. Though I would tell said celebrities, hey, it's a mirror ball. I don't even think you'd get much money for pawning it. So, you know, have some fun. Enjoy the fact you probably dropped a dress size or two without trying. It's all good.

Anyway, I had computer problems, so it took a while to jump into the show. But when I did, Shawn & Derek were headed into the finals (of course) and we were treated to a live performance by The Wanted. Such skinny pants! Such high voices! I'm not sure if those are connected in any way, but they were quite adorable.

An elimination is imminent. On the block are Melissa & Tony and Apolo & Karina. And yes, a montage. Len is rooting for Apolo, but he declares Melissa "bloody good" as well. Is he the only judge with his mic on during the dances? 

And the first couple going home is… Apolo & Karina. Yeah, that sucks. But Apolo is fine. He gained confidence doing this season, and he feels great. Despite a strong performance last night, I didn't see Apolo winning this, so it's not devastating. Still, I thought he might make it to the finals. 

Brooke talks to the Shawn & Derek, Kelly & Val and Emmitt & Cheryl. Shawn, what will you be doing for the supersize freestyle next week? She wants to bring in the balance beam. Show-off! Just kidding. 

Melissa is sick! But she won't let silly germs and illness get in her way. She has to redeem herself. She has a fire to win. "We really want it!" she says. And then she squeaks. 

Paula Abdul is back to perform a medley of four of her greatest hits. It's a dream come true for her. As she tells us, some of it's virtual, some of it's real. Is all of it good? She calls it the dream medley, because anything can happen in a dream. She looks amazing, by the way, possibly better than she did in the '80s. But apparently, Paula's dreams are mostly of crappy videos she made in the '80s. Yes, she danced with a cartoon cat, and even back then it was lame. Guess what? It's not any better now, even if you make it bounce off the walls. While I appreciate how the dance isn't confined to one flat surface, the visuals blow. Her dancing, of course, is very good. And she includes footage of Maks, which is never a bad thing. 

Derek will be doing a contemporary piece with four professional female dancers. Tom says it's jaw-dropping and brilliant. And… it kind of is. It certainly blows Paula Abdul's piece out of the water. The use of water and light is innovative and does not rely on stupid cartoon cats. Hey, Melanie Moore from "So You Think You Can Dance"! 

Anyway, we have to get back to our worried couples, Kelly & Val and Emmitt & Cheryl. Kelly admires Val's butt. She will spray tan for the finale if she makes it, as she thinks that will force the judges to give her a ten. 

Emmitt couldn't remember what style he was dancing, which may have been why he had so many problems. Emmitt knows that sometimes you can give it all you can, and sometimes it won't be enough. 

The second couple going home is…Emmitt & Cheryl. Wow. Did not see this coming. I can't believe Kelly & Val are going through. I like Kelly and I think the judges have been hard on her, but this is clearly not about dancing. I wonder if ABC will reconsider their stance on soaps, because clearly that's a loyal fan base. Tom tells Emmitt that the show has lost a good chunk of charisma. He's right. He met the challenge, and he knows that sometimes it's not enough, but he had a great time.

And now, we have (is this a first?) three celeb girls headed into the finals. I'm not sure who to root for, but I'm thinking the winner just might be a great dancer. And if not that, a star who's pretty darn smart to make us believe (whether or not it's true) that she's boinking her young, hot pro dancer. Lately I've been thinking their possible torrid love affair may actually be a great flirtation or, yes, a great acting job. I mean, she does do that sort of thing for a living. And if so? Kudos to her, because I totally bought it. And if it is a fling, more kudos. Hey, he's a hot guy. That's what I call good reality TV!

Were you surprised by the results? Who are you rooting for? Did you vote?

Liane Bonin Starr
Sr. Editor

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Liane Bonin Starr is an author, screenwriter and former writer for EW.com. Her byline has appeared in the Los Angeles Times, Variety and a lot of other places. Her last book was called "a scandalously catty, guilty pleasure" by Jane magazine. Expect the same from Starr Raving.