Cannes Film Festival 2013

Recap: 'Dancing with the Stars' boots a pair of Broadway babies

Corbin Bleu and Kristin Chenoweth perform

"Dancing with the Stars"

 "Dancing with the Stars"

Credit: ABC

So, who will be going home tonight? The Ewok (Chaz Bono), the bore (Rob Kardashian), the ice queen (Nancy Grace) or someone we'd never expect? I'd hate to guess, as this season has been nothing if not unpredictable. But I am expecting to hear some more fighting words from Maks (or at least not an apology). Maks is not one to back down from a fight. I just hope he doesn't smack Len, because the poor guy might crumble into dust. 

Speaking of Len, he tells us last night was a mix of frights, fights and delights. Cute. He wants to see J.R. and Karina perform their quick step again. I always wonder if this dance is reward or punishment. Sure, it's praise from the judges (they thought it was so nice they want to see it twice!), but I have to think these guys are exhausted and, if they're doing any dancing on a Tuesday, they'd prefer to be working on their next routine. Plus, this performance comes to us after voting has closed, so there's no advantage from that perspective. Still, J.R. and Karina are spot on and charming once again, so from that perspective, it's just plain nice to see. 

Our first couple on the block is J.R. and Karina. I have to say, I'm rooting for J.R. to take the mirror ball. If it's between him and whiney, hypercompetitive Ricki, he's simply more personable, an equally strong dancer, and that war hero thing doesn't hurt, either.  
 
J.R. and Karina… are safe. Good!
 
The other stars huddle with Brooke. Nancy tells Brooke she doesn't feel like a contender. She's just happy to be there. And she had to go straight home last night, because Lucy threw up. That's lovely. 
 
Next, we have a performance from Kristin Chenoweth. Perfectly nice little country song. 
 
Ricki and Derek join Nancy and Tristan on the block. We'll learn their fate... after the break.
 
Ricki and Derek are, of course, safe. Nancy and Tristan are... also safe. Huh. Go figure. I really thought Nancy would have gone home by now -- or at least she'd go home before Chynna. But again, it's an unpredictable season.
 
Oh, goody. A clip segment of the stars talking about the challenges of being on the show set to dramatic music. They all have to step it up. David Arquette is okay with getting shot with cortizone. Nancy just wants to say she did it. Blah, blah, blah. I'm sure all of this is perfectly sincere, but maybe a bunch of stressed out stars isn't what people need to see when unemployment is sky high and "food insecurity" has reached record numbers. Just a thought.
 
Corbin Bleu and our Macy's Stars of Dance do a tribute to Broadway choreographed by Kenny Ortega. Wow, Bleu looks COMPLETELY different without the big hair. On the one hand, he looks more mature. On the other, he looks pretty anonymous. As you might expect, he does a fine job of singing and dancing to Ortega's choreography, which is also as strong as you'd expect. We get the usual suspects, though -- "West Side Story," for example -- except for the segment from "In the Heights," which is a nice surprise. Judging from "DWTS," you'd think Broadway effectively stopped producing anything new around 1980. 
 
Martina McBride performs "I'm Gonna Love You Through It." It's a happy, upbeat cancer song. Just kidding. It's a sad, moving cancer song. They don't shy away from this stuff in country music.
 
Next we have David and Kym facing off against Chaz and Lacey. Oh, my. Chaz does not want to be called an Ewok again. He feels like Bruno is calling him a fat troll every week. Well, he's not wrong to feel insulted, although I have to say -- being called a cute little penguin is not quite as insulting as being called a fat troll. But I guess it doesn't feel very manly, either.
 
The next couple coming back next week is... David and Kym. Chaz and Lacey are in danger. How could they not be? Sorry, but Chaz is really struggling on the dance floor. As much as I hope he gets into shape, I think he needed to be in better shape just to do the show. 
 
Mark, Lacey and some fantastic dancing kids give us a preview of what we can expect from the Halloween episode. Apparently small children will try to strangle the judges. I'll tune in for that!
 
Next, we get to Maks and Hope vs. Rob and Cheryl. And we get to relive Maks' comments. Maks does apologize to Brooke for one thing -- saying "DWTS" is "his" show. All the dancers and stars are important! But no, he isn't taking back anything else he said, even if Carrie Ann looked like she wanted to throttle him for suggesting that Len retire. 
 
The next couple back is Rob and Cheryl. Hope and Maks are... in danger. Why oh why oh WHY is Rob still on this show? It's like watching a ream of paper or a baked potato shuffle around the floor. 
 
Hope and Maks and Chaz and Lacey are our bottom two. Who's going home? I couldn't call it, really. But I suspect Chaz. 
 
The couple leaving right now is... Chaz and Lacey. Well, we won't have this Ewok to push around anymore. He's proud of his journey. He has no regrets. He wanted to show America a different kind of man, because if he'd seen someone like himself while he was growing up, it would have changed his whole life. I just hope his next challenge is something like "Celebrity Fit Club" or maybe a stocky man workout video or just something. It would suck to have gone through all the trouble of becoming a man to drop dead of a very manly heart attack.
 
Did you think it was Chaz's time to go? Are you surprised Rob and Nancy are still in it? Were you surprised by Maks' comments last night?
 

Rachel Zoe shows actual human emotion on finale of 'The Rachel Zoe Project'

Motherhood is the key to melting the icy fashionista's heart

"The Rachel Zoe Project"

 "The Rachel Zoe Project"

Credit: Bravo

Sound the alarms! I'm not sure which of the seven signs of the apocalypse this is, but it certainly must be one of them; in the season finale of "The Rachel Zoe Project," Zoe actually bursts into tears -- and not because the latest Chanel collection was totally maj. No, she weeps because she loves her little family of worker bees so darn much. And her kid. Possibly her husband, but we'll get to that in a moment. All we really needed to finish off this sugary sweet episode was the residents of Whoville joining hands and singing around a Christmas tree. But unlike a tale from Dr. Seuss, this was both heartwarming and a little weird. If Rachel Zoe can be melted into a big puddle of goo by post-partum hormones, is no heartless fashionista safe?

Of course, our dogged little stylist/designer isn't wearing mom jeans and scheduling play dates just yet. Zoe and her husband happily float in a bubble of domestic bliss at the beginning of the episode, and there's no doubting that the woman who spent previous episodes acting about as enthusiastic about giving birth as she would be about having a tumor removed has been transformed. She loves her little boy, although I'm not sure she fully understands that the quiet, sleepy little newborn she has is not going to stay quiet or sleepy for long. "I think I have it all figured out," she announces to the camera. "I'm just going to take Skyler with me everywhere." Knowing that Zoe has a very, very deadpan sense of humor, she could be joking. Somehow, I doubt it. I can only imagine this first blush of baby love fading the minute her precious little bundle has a poopy diaper blow-out that spatters baby feces all over a vintage Halston, but we'll just have to wait. 

Still, you have to admire her sudden devotion to motherhood. She takes her baby to the first photo shoot for her collection, which is ultimately run by her second-in-command, Mandana. While Zoe weighs in with comments here and there, her mind is clearly on her baby boo's latest burp. So it's probably a good thing when Mandana sees an opportunity to bring the recently fired Jeremiah back into the fold to design a Rachel Zoe store-in-store experience for Bloomingdales. With Zoe operating at half speed, this team needs all the help it can get. 

Of course, you can take the girl out of the office but you can't completely take the office out of the girl. When it's time to tell little Skyler a bedtime story, Zoe trills about a little prince who "loves to wear beautiful clothes all the time. He loves Ralph Lauren, he loves Missoni, he loves Stella McCartney..." You get the idea. Later, she gushes that her new little guy is "like my live doll" and clearly relishes the opportunity to dress him in head to toe labels until he's old enough to stand up to her. Rodger clearly hopes this is sooner rather than later, and I can't blame him. I'm with Rodger -- his wife seems determined to dress up the kid like a tiny, very wealthy transsexual. Not that there's anything wrong with that. 

But this episode isn't so much about Zoe's transformation, which would probably become gag-induxing in larger doses. It's mostly about how Jeremiah doggedly keeps working for Zoe despite having been canned, whether they need a nursery (last episode) or that store-in-store at Bloomie's. You have to admire his willingness to tuck his tail between his legs, put on a happy face, and do whatever needs to be done, even if that includes figuring out where to put the diaper wipe warmer. When Rodger finally accepts that Jeremiah might actually be useful after Bloomingdale's signs on for eight store-in-stores when Zoe was hoping for two, it's a testament to hard work paying off, and how often does that happen on reality TV?

Speaking of Rodger, his part on the finale seems to have been downgraded from "voice of reason" (his role for most of the season) to "petulant man child." He poutily demands that Zoe make him a sandwich, complaining that she no longer cares what he eats. When she amazingly concedes instead of throwing a toaster at him, he then complains when she yelps at having burned herself. Apparently he thinks buying an enormous diamond for his wife as her reward for carting a baby around for nine months, then pushing it through a smallish opening, gives him carte blanche to be a whiner. For the record, it really doesn't -- especially if he bought that diamond using her money in the first place. Plus, I find it hard to believe that anyone in this family needs to cook an anything, by the way. Don't they have minions for that? 

But all's well that ends well, and this season ends very well as Zoe gushes that the past year has been the best of her life, though the kid is just part of it. She also dressed her biggest Oscars ever! Yes, Rachel Zoe is still Rachel Zoe. As she coos over her baby, whispering, "He's so maj," I have to wonder if this big, goopy lovefest will continue next season -- or if Skyler will fade into the background like Rachel's kid on "Friends." 

 

'Top Chef''s Tom Colicchio and Padma Lakshmi talk Texas

The new season will be bigger than ever - and one eliminated chef could return

"Top Chef"

 "Top Chef"

Credit: Bravo
"Top Chef" returns (Wed. Nov. 2 at 10 p.m.), and this season promises to be bigger than ever -- literally. Boasting a record 29 chefs (though all but 16 will be eliminated in the first episode), the show will travel across the entire state of Texas, touching down in Austin, Dallas and San Antonio for challenges. To further spice things up, this supersized "Top Chef" will be tossing in a new webisode feature, which will allow eliminated chefs to seek redemption. In a phone conference call, host Padma Lakshmi and head judge Tom Colicchio discussed the changes to the show and revealed the answer to a truly mystifying secret -- how they stay in (reasonably good) shape.

Recap: 'The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' - 'The Opposite of Relaxation'

Adrienne invites everyone to the most stressful spa day ever

"The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills"

 "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills"

Credit: Bravo

I'm thinking that Bravo might need to change the name of the show, at least for a little while, to "The Endless Catfight of Brandi and Kyle" or "Kyle and Kim: Mean Ass Sistas," as we're now onto episode three of the nasty battle between Brandi and Kyle and Kim that fully blossomed during Game Night. As much as I love a good, old-fashioned catfight, this is getting a little ridiculous. At the very least, let's find some new material, girls. Maybe Kyle needs to come up with some LeAnn Rimes jokes or something. 

Recap: 'Dancing with the Stars' goes to Broadway

One pro loses his cool with the judges while one star doesn't shine

"Dancing with the Stars"

 "Dancing with the Stars"

Credit: ABC

It's Broadway week, but what I'm really excited about is the news that Paul Reubens (PeeWee Herman) is itching to do "DWTS." Apparently he's friends with David Arquette, and has been in the audience cheering him on. I don't know if he'd be any good, but you know he'd have to do at least one dance to "Tequilla," which would be great no matter how bad it was. 

Before we get to the dancing, we're treated to a production number from "Sister Act." Now, nothing against "Sister Act," and I'm sure "DWTS" was happy to get any Broadway show on the stage for Broadway night, but this is about as good of a fit for a dancing show as an Amish wagon race. You can't even tell if these women have feet or are just being pushed around on shopping carts. 

What we've learned from season four of 'Jersey Shore'

You can take Snooki and the gang out of Jersey, but can you make them think?

"Jersey Shore"

 "Jersey Shore"

Credit: MTV
Season four of "Jersey Shore" has wrapped up on MTV, and we can only hope that Florence has recovered from its visit from the GTL crowd. We know that Snooki, Mike "The Situation," Sammi "Sweetheart," Ronnie, Vinny, Pauly D, Deena and Jenni "J-Woww" have already completed filming season five, so we know they all survived the trip (and most importantly, didn't kill Mike during the flight). But that leaves viewers to sort out whether taking the guidos and guidettes out of New Jersey was worth the trouble, especially given that the intrepid travelers somehow managed to avoid almost anything that was markedly different than what they knew back home (with a few reluctant exceptions). Luckily, there were still some insights to be had from this season in Italy, although we're pretty sure most of these didn't require a passport and a long distance flight.

Are we too grown up for grown-up fairy tales like 'Once Upon A Time' and 'Grimm'?

It's rich territory to mine, but it's rarely done right

<p>"Once Upon a Time"</p>
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"Once Upon a Time"

Credit: ABC

I have to admit that when Is saw that the latest mini-trend for this fall's television season was modern takes on fairy tales, I rolled my eyes (check out Alan Sepinwall's review here). Of course, it's a move that makes perfect sense from a writing (and studio) perspective. Audiences gravitate toward the familiar (just look at the number of retreads at your local movie theater), and this is some a whole mess of familiar sitting fat and happy in the public domain. Storylines are populated with easy-to-grasp heroes and villains, stakes are life-and-death and usually we get a happy ending (or at least we did once Disney had their way with the Brothers Grimm). What could be better?

Do big life events work for reality TV - or send shows into a death spiral?

'The Rachel Zoe Project' and 'Gene Simmons Family Jewels' take the leap

"The Rachel Zoe Project"

 "The Rachel Zoe Project"

Credit: Bravo

The traditional wisdom is that, in the world of sitcoms, major life events can signal a show is about to jump the shark. How many of us have groaned as formerly great shows muddle around in the tired territory of onesies and wedding dresses, with characters suddenly falling flat and humorless before us? 

It would be easy to assume the same might happen with reality TV shows. After all, these shows are probably no less scripted than any other programming. But so far, I have high hopes for two shows on which main players have chosen to tackle big changes on-screen; "The Rachel Zoe Project" and "Gene Simmons Family Jewels" don't seem to be jettisoning their strong points to make room for plot points, or at least not so far.

Recap: 'The Vampire Diaries' - 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'

Matt, Elena and Caroline are feeling lonely, but twists are in store

"The Vampire Diaries"

 "The Vampire Diaries"

Credit: CW

This week Elena and the gang are finally seniors, but no one's truly excited about it. Instead of worrying about which college to go to and AP exams (though they're probably worrying about that, too), they're dealing with vampires and werewolves and hybrids, oh my. And given the current state of affairs, the theme seems to be loneliness. Elena's lost Stefan, Caroline feels like she's losing Taylor, Bonnie's on her way to losing Jeremy and Matt's already lost everyone. It definitely puts a whole new spin on senioritis. 

Recap: 'Project Runway' - 'Finale, Part 1'

It's a tough runway show - with one heck of a surprise twist

"Project Runway"

 "Project Runway"

Credit: Lifetime Television

 It's down to the final four, and for whatever reason, Josh M. is still on the show. We can only hope he goes back to his apartment and makes a ton of ugly, tacky stuff in horrible neon colors and gets sent home. Wait, didn't we see horrible neon colors in the promo? Fingers crossed! 

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