"Dancing with the Stars"

Credit: ABC

So, who will be going home tonight? The Ewok (Chaz Bono), the bore (Rob Kardashian), the ice queen (Nancy Grace) or someone we'd never expect? I'd hate to guess, as this season has been nothing if not unpredictable. But I am expecting to hear some more fighting words from Maks (or at least not an apology). Maks is not one to back down from a fight. I just hope he doesn't smack Len, because the poor guy might crumble into dust. 

Speaking of Len, he tells us last night was a mix of frights, fights and delights. Cute. He wants to see J.R. and Karina perform their quick step again. I always wonder if this dance is reward or punishment. Sure, it's praise from the judges (they thought it was so nice they want to see it twice!), but I have to think these guys are exhausted and, if they're doing any dancing on a Tuesday, they'd prefer to be working on their next routine. Plus, this performance comes to us after voting has closed, so there's no advantage from that perspective. Still, J.R. and Karina are spot on and charming once again, so from that perspective, it's just plain nice to see. 

 "The Rachel Zoe Project"

Credit: Bravo

Sound the alarms! I'm not sure which of the seven signs of the apocalypse this is, but it certainly must be one of them; in the season finale of "The Rachel Zoe Project," Zoe actually bursts into tears -- and not because the latest Chanel collection was totally maj. No, she weeps because she loves her little family of worker bees so darn much. And her kid. Possibly her husband, but we'll get to that in a moment. All we really needed to finish off this sugary sweet episode was the residents of Whoville joining hands and singing around a Christmas tree. But unlike a tale from Dr. Seuss, this was both heartwarming and a little weird. If Rachel Zoe can be melted into a big puddle of goo by post-partum hormones, is no heartless fashionista safe?

Of course, our dogged little stylist/designer isn't wearing mom jeans and scheduling play dates just yet. Zoe and her husband happily float in a bubble of domestic bliss at the beginning of the episode, and there's no doubting that the woman who spent previous episodes acting about as enthusiastic about giving birth as she would be about having a tumor removed has been transformed. She loves her little boy, although I'm not sure she fully understands that the quiet, sleepy little newborn she has is not going to stay quiet or sleepy for long. "I think I have it all figured out," she announces to the camera. "I'm just going to take Skyler with me everywhere." Knowing that Zoe has a very, very deadpan sense of humor, she could be joking. Somehow, I doubt it. I can only imagine this first blush of baby love fading the minute her precious little bundle has a poopy diaper blow-out that spatters baby feces all over a vintage Halston, but we'll just have to wait. 

Still, you have to admire her sudden devotion to motherhood. She takes her baby to the first photo shoot for her collection, which is ultimately run by her second-in-command, Mandana. While Zoe weighs in with comments here and there, her mind is clearly on her baby boo's latest burp. So it's probably a good thing when Mandana sees an opportunity to bring the recently fired Jeremiah back into the fold to design a Rachel Zoe store-in-store experience for Bloomingdales. With Zoe operating at half speed, this team needs all the help it can get. 

Of course, you can take the girl out of the office but you can't completely take the office out of the girl. When it's time to tell little Skyler a bedtime story, Zoe trills about a little prince who "loves to wear beautiful clothes all the time. He loves Ralph Lauren, he loves Missoni, he loves Stella McCartney..." You get the idea. Later, she gushes that her new little guy is "like my live doll" and clearly relishes the opportunity to dress him in head to toe labels until he's old enough to stand up to her. Rodger clearly hopes this is sooner rather than later, and I can't blame him. I'm with Rodger -- his wife seems determined to dress up the kid like a tiny, very wealthy transsexual. Not that there's anything wrong with that. 

But this episode isn't so much about Zoe's transformation, which would probably become gag-induxing in larger doses. It's mostly about how Jeremiah doggedly keeps working for Zoe despite having been canned, whether they need a nursery (last episode) or that store-in-store at Bloomie's. You have to admire his willingness to tuck his tail between his legs, put on a happy face, and do whatever needs to be done, even if that includes figuring out where to put the diaper wipe warmer. When Rodger finally accepts that Jeremiah might actually be useful after Bloomingdale's signs on for eight store-in-stores when Zoe was hoping for two, it's a testament to hard work paying off, and how often does that happen on reality TV?

Speaking of Rodger, his part on the finale seems to have been downgraded from "voice of reason" (his role for most of the season) to "petulant man child." He poutily demands that Zoe make him a sandwich, complaining that she no longer cares what he eats. When she amazingly concedes instead of throwing a toaster at him, he then complains when she yelps at having burned herself. Apparently he thinks buying an enormous diamond for his wife as her reward for carting a baby around for nine months, then pushing it through a smallish opening, gives him carte blanche to be a whiner. For the record, it really doesn't -- especially if he bought that diamond using her money in the first place. Plus, I find it hard to believe that anyone in this family needs to cook an anything, by the way. Don't they have minions for that? 

But all's well that ends well, and this season ends very well as Zoe gushes that the past year has been the best of her life, though the kid is just part of it. She also dressed her biggest Oscars ever! Yes, Rachel Zoe is still Rachel Zoe. As she coos over her baby, whispering, "He's so maj," I have to wonder if this big, goopy lovefest will continue next season -- or if Skyler will fade into the background like Rachel's kid on "Friends." 

 "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills"

Credit: Bravo

I'm thinking that Bravo might need to change the name of the show, at least for a little while, to "The Endless Catfight of Brandi and Kyle" or "Kyle and Kim: Mean Ass Sistas," as we're now onto episode three of the nasty battle between Brandi and Kyle and Kim that fully blossomed during Game Night. As much as I love a good, old-fashioned catfight, this is getting a little ridiculous. At the very least, let's find some new material, girls. Maybe Kyle needs to come up with some LeAnn Rimes jokes or something. 

 "Dancing with the Stars"

Credit: ABC

It's Broadway week, but what I'm really excited about is the news that Paul Reubens (PeeWee Herman) is itching to do "DWTS." Apparently he's friends with David Arquette, and has been in the audience cheering him on. I don't know if he'd be any good, but you know he'd have to do at least one dance to "Tequilla," which would be great no matter how bad it was. 

"Once Upon a Time"

 

Credit: ABC

I have to admit that when Is saw that the latest mini-trend for this fall's television season was modern takes on fairy tales, I rolled my eyes (check out Alan Sepinwall's review here). Of course, it's a move that makes perfect sense from a writing (and studio) perspective. Audiences gravitate toward the familiar (just look at the number of retreads at your local movie theater), and this is some a whole mess of familiar sitting fat and happy in the public domain. Storylines are populated with easy-to-grasp heroes and villains, stakes are life-and-death and usually we get a happy ending (or at least we did once Disney had their way with the Brothers Grimm). What could be better?

 "The Rachel Zoe Project"

Credit: Bravo

The traditional wisdom is that, in the world of sitcoms, major life events can signal a show is about to jump the shark. How many of us have groaned as formerly great shows muddle around in the tired territory of onesies and wedding dresses, with characters suddenly falling flat and humorless before us? 

It would be easy to assume the same might happen with reality TV shows. After all, these shows are probably no less scripted than any other programming. But so far, I have high hopes for two shows on which main players have chosen to tackle big changes on-screen; "The Rachel Zoe Project" and "Gene Simmons Family Jewels" don't seem to be jettisoning their strong points to make room for plot points, or at least not so far.

 "The Vampire Diaries"

Credit: CW

This week Elena and the gang are finally seniors, but no one's truly excited about it. Instead of worrying about which college to go to and AP exams (though they're probably worrying about that, too), they're dealing with vampires and werewolves and hybrids, oh my. And given the current state of affairs, the theme seems to be loneliness. Elena's lost Stefan, Caroline feels like she's losing Taylor, Bonnie's on her way to losing Jeremy and Matt's already lost everyone. It definitely puts a whole new spin on senioritis. 

 "Project Runway"

Credit: Lifetime Television

 It's down to the final four, and for whatever reason, Josh M. is still on the show. We can only hope he goes back to his apartment and makes a ton of ugly, tacky stuff in horrible neon colors and gets sent home. Wait, didn't we see horrible neon colors in the promo? Fingers crossed!