"The Bachelor"

Credit: ABC

Things are getting serious on "The Bachelor." But they couldn't be too serious, because Courtney is still here, sucking on her overbite, ripping off her clothes and generally not being the kind of classy dame Ben claims to consider marriage material. But then again, I'm not sure Ben's using his head at all (at least not the one on his shoulders) as he seems to devolve into a stuttering 13-year-old dork whenever Courtney comes around. Actually, Ben seems pretty dorky in a general sense, but given that all these women are willing to overlook that glaring character flaw, it does make good television. And I'm sure at least one of them will get a cask of questionably good booze if she plays her cards right. 

Anyway, they're off to Panama City, Panama! Oh, look, a little map with an animated plane graphic so we can see where they've been! Courtney sucks on her overbite and thinks about skinny dipping again! Yay!

 "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills"

Credit: Bravo

It's part two of our reunion show, and things are finally getting REALLY nasty, as Brandi's joined the gang and, well, if anyone's going to get into some verbal fisticuffs, it's going to be the chick that slit Eddie Cibrian's tires and texted that Kyle was a C-U-Next Tuesday to a friend of hers (and accidentally sent said text to Kyle herself). But more on that in a moment. But seriously, I wish I'd realized how much fun Brandi is a lot earlier in the season! 

 "Suburgatory"

Credit: ABC

It's hard to believe that Jeremy Sisto, who might be better known for playing Jesus, Julius Caesar, Billy Chenowith on "Six Feet Under" or Detective Cyrus Lupo on "Law & Order," is now going for laughs as the dad of a teenager on ABC's "Suburgatory." (Wed. at 8:30 p.m.)I spoke to Sisto briefly about the latest episode of the show (which will bring the pilot's plot full circle), George's new romance (with guest star Alicia Silverstone) and why he had such a tough time convincing people he's funny until now. 

"The Vampire Diaries" 

Credit: The CW

 Sorry this recap is a little late, but my dog died unexpectedly this evening. Of course, watching "The Vampire Diaries" makes me really wish there was a magical ring or some vampire blood that worked on the canine set, but this episode does, oddly enough, grapple with some of the very human issues that rarely get tackled on a show about werewolves and vampires and hybrids, oh my -- the end of life and the natural order of things. This show may be one of the more effective in deglamorizing the dark, bloody world of the undead and suggesting that, though finite, being human isn' t so bad after all -- or at least that's what Elena might actually be coming to believe. 

 "Project Runway"

Credit: Lifetime Television

Not to bum anyone out, but tonight's recap may be a little frayed around the edges (not unlike those Chanel jackets from a few years back) as my little dog Bacon, a rescue I've had since Denise Richards was married to Charlie Sheen, died unexpectedly earlier this evening following surgery. But fashion waits for no man or beast, so we will soldier on. R.I.P., little friend. 

This week's challenge? The designers must find a muse to inspire a fashion-forward look. They must find this muse in Central Park, which is kind of like looking for inspiration at the airport or a 24 Hour Fitness. But that's not the only challenge awaiting our intrepid designers! There's a twist! They must convince their muse to give them the clothes off their back, then create outfits using said clothes.The budget of $150 can be used to bribe the muse, and whatever's leftover can be used at Mood. The designers groan. I also groan. I mean, come on! What exactly does this have to do with actual design? The toughest part of this challenge is, if you ask me, trying to get someone to give you a decent piece of clothing so you can hand them a white T-shirt in exchange. I think most people would see this as a pretty crappy deal, even if you're a fan of "Project Runway." 

 "Top Chef"

Credit: Bravo

Oh, this should be a fun challenge -- Pee-wee Herman is in the house! No, he's no Charlize Theron, but I suspect the chefs will have to bring a sense of humor to their food, and that's never a bad thing. Just as long as they don't make entrees that taste like a melted Baskin-Robbins cake or anything. Humor should not be synonymous with diabetic shock. 

The Quickfire Challenge will require the chefs to make pancakes, the favorite food of our guest judge, in 20 minutes. The guest judge will be, of course, Pee-wee. He wants happy, fun, tasty pancakes. And the winner gets $5,000. So bring out the fun and happy, minions! 

"Our America with Larry the Cable Guy"

Credit: History

Ever wanted to see Larry the Cable Guy close to naked? Viewers will get that chance (whether they want it or not) when the comedian hangs out with the Naked Cowboy in Times Square for his History show, "Only in America with Larry the Cable Guy" (Wed. Feb 1 at 9 p.m. ET). Other highlights from the show include Larry's visit to an alligator farm and a stop in Lead Hill, Arkansas to see a construction crew's 20-year-long gig building a medieval castle using only medieval construction methods... while dressed in medieval clothing. 

Watch below as Larry the Cable Guy suits up (or, really, down) in tighty whities and then, in the second video, hustles for money in New York City. 

 "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills"

Credit: Bravo

Oh, oh my. I knew the second season reunion for "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" would be chock full of drama. I mean, this season had the usual infighting, plus two new cast members (though only Brandi shows any sign of lasting into season three -- buh-bye, Dana. Don't forget your $25,000 sunglasses!). Add to that Russell Armstrong's suicide, and the reunion was sure to have some tears, some laughs, and possibly some grumbling, right? Well, that's only the first few minutes. This reunion show so overflows with drama that it's been split into three parts. This is a good thing, as the first part actually made my head hurt. So much strife! So little time!

 "The Bachelor"

Credit: ABC

 So, things are getting hot and  heavy on "The Bachelor." Or at least they're getting hot, because the girls and Ben are headed for Puerto Rico. It's all very exotic and exciting and this means we'll get lots and lots of shots of lizards and frogs and random natural things, because the producers need to justify the cost of shipping everyone and a camera crew out to Puerto Rico. Look, hibiscus! This isn't like Florida at all! Except it is!

 "The Real Housewives of Atlanta"

Credit: Bravo

Oh my Lord of the Rings, I think I may have just seen the most ridiculous fight, well, at least during this season of "The Real Housewives of Atlanta." The bar for cray-cray is pretty high on this show, but the battle that breaks out in this episode just has to be top ten if nothing else. The only thing that could have made it more insane would have been dwarf tossing or a Jell-O wrestling match, and since the battle continues into next week's episode, I can't even rule that out.