"The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills"

Credit: Bravo

A few things happen in this episode on "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills," many of them painfully mundane. Kyle gives her terror-behind-the-wheel Alexia a new Mercedes. Ken gets his hip replaced. Lisa reprimands one of her employees. Paul tries to barbecue and shows off his unfortunate back hair. None of this matters, because the focus of this episode is THE FIGHT. Yes, on a show that spews out verbal smackdowns the way Duggars pop out babies, this battle royale might actually be memorable past next week. In fact, I think it continues into next week, as that's the impression we get from the promo, and (thanks to the long, spidery reach of the Internet) it might have been the basis for a cease-and-desist letter against Brandi Glanville filed by Adrienne Maloof. So, whatever kickstarted this feud must have been horrible, right? There's no way of knowing, simply because Bravo didn't air it.

 "The Real Housewives of Atlanta"

Credit: Bravo

Before we get started, here's a question... What the hell is up with Walter? Kenya is clearly insane, and that's fine. We know why the other women hang out with her -- Bravo makes them -- and she's highly entertaining. Few things are more enjoyable than watching a card-carrying lunatic swan around a reality TV show and annoy all the other slightly-less-loco people on the show. But she's nuts, right? I can understand that Walter finds her attractive; she was a Miss USA (or is that Miss America? Kidding!) She can be charming. But I would think when girlfriend starts yapping about how her baby oven is sad and lonely and how she needs to get married NOW NOW NOW before her ovaries dry up, he'd necessarily run from the room screening, change his cell phone number, and spend a month overseas until she stopped driving past his house, breaking windows. Kenya redefines high maintenance. She makes Mariah Carey look like she could be the chick with uncombed hair checking you through the express lane at Target. What man would willingly sign up for this walking nightmare?

 "The Voice"

Credit: NBC

Welcome to Reality TV Roundup -- a quick look at some of the reality TV-centric stories that have recently popped up across the fine, old Interwebs. Click away, my couch potato friends. But before you do...

SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! One more time: SPOILER ALERT. If you watch any competition shows, the latest elimination for each show is probably revealed in the text below. The hope is that, if you missed this week's program and would rather clear out your DVR than watch the episode, you can get a quick hit here. But don't come crying to me if you find out something you didn't want to know. You've been warned. Also note: lots of non-competition reality info lurks below, too. 

 "Downton Abbey"

Credit: PBS

In the United States, fans of "Downton Abbey" must comfort themselves with, say, proper afternoon tea and the knowledge that season three of the show will begin airing Jan. 6. The bad news? Lucky Brits are already well into the season, and spoilers are already trickling onto the web to taunt us. But on Friday, "Downton" stars Hugh Bonneville (Lord Grantham), Rob James-Collier (Thomas Barrow), Joanne Froggatt (Anna Smith) and Leslie Nicol (Mrs. Patmore) were joined by the show's executive producer Gareth Neame and "Masterpiece" executive producer Rebecca Eaton for a excerpt screening and Q&A for fans and journalists in Los Angeles. As restrained as the show can sometimes be, the stars were as modern -- and often funny -- as their characters are not.

 Jessica Lange in "American Horror Story"

Credit: FX

As the tortured (and sometimes torturous) Sister Jude on "American Horror Story," Jessica Lange has had to grapple with a Nazi, a serial killer and the devil herself this season. But as tough as it's been, it looks like things are only going to get worse -- and not better. Lange talked to journalists in a conference call about what's up for her character, whether or not she'll be back for season three, and why she never knows what's next for her character -- and that's just fine. 

 "Project Runway All Stars"

Credit: Lifetime

It's the eco challenge this week, and while I find this to be an admirable effort, I don't have high expectations. Too often green is considered synonymous (at least to designers) with earthy, nutty granola looks that make me hope someone plopped some Birkenstocks on the accessories wall. There's no reason for it, except that sometimes the designers want to make it abundantly clear that their dress is GREEN, and how will you know unless it's ugly? 

 "The Vampire Diaries"

Credit: The CW

It's time for Delena! After so, so many episodes of futile yearning and goopy, lusty eyes between Damon and  Elena, they're finally free to pursue their wanton desire for one another. But I get the sense this love connection is not to last. First hint? The sire bond possibility floated last week by Caroline and Stefan. The second hint would be entirely about editing. Yeah, editing.

 "Top Chef: Seattle"

Credit: Bravo

Another day, another challenge awaiting our chefs, and poor Stefan is worried. It's his birthday, and during his season there was a birthday curse -- chefs seemed to go home on their birthdays or immediately thereafter. Happy birthday, losers! I want to tell Stefan he shouldn't be so negative. He makes great food! He has his own restaurant! There's no way that could happen, right? Sorry, didn't mean to laugh right then. Something in my eye. Or throat. Whatever. Really, this season the chefs seem to be performing at a particularly high level (if the judges can be believed), and maybe Stefan should prepare to pack his bags. Anything could happen, curse or no curse.  

 "American Horror Story"

Credit: FX

Entertainment has a long and storied history of nasty Christmas tales. There's "Bad Santa," piles of slasher movies devoted to the season (I stopped counting at ten), and I personally think the Little Matchstick Girl is all kinds of twisted. Now "American Horror Story" is adding its two cents to this dispiriting niche, and after watching this Very Special Christmas Episode I'm about ready to lock myself inside my home until we're safely into February.