Here's the trailer for Amy Schumer's new movie "Trainwreck." She wrote it and stars in it. I cannot effing wait. Let's rank all the memorable players in this flawless trailer. 

7. Brie Larson: Ever since "United States of Tara," we've been waiting for the proper Brie Larson showcase. "Short Term 12" wasn't my thing. This will be my thing. #JusticeForBrieLarson

6. Colin Quinn: Inspired casting! I like Colin as a philandering dad who levels with his kids (rather dubiously) about the hardships of romance. He's throwing down some Danny Aiello grit here. Next stop: a cameo as Madonna's disapproving father in a music video about abortion.

5. Vanessa Bayer: Always love V-Bay's "Sound Advice" web series, and I'm glad she gets to employ her kooky version of intelligence and charm here. 

4. LeBron James: I interviewed Bill Hader for "The Skeleton Twins" last summer, and he talked about how LeBron James was such a natural comedian in "Trainwreck" that it made him self-conscious. I see what he means! LeBron is all confidence and one-liners here.

3. Bill Hader: But Bill Hader is the real male powerhouse of this movie. He's the rare actor who can be as weird or relatable as he wants, and here he's the latter. 

2. Tilda Swinton: God. Why do we even try to describe Tilda Swinton's goodness? She is like if a diamond and a salamander mated. She is unbelievably talented, and I hope she picks up a second Oscar for a comic role someday. Truly a magnetic screen presence and a defining figure of modern cinema. Love the razor-sharp condescension in her delivery here.

1. Amy Schumer: I just trust this woman. She writes what feels right, clearly amuses herself, and can deliver any joke with enough detached irony to weird out even Sarah Silverman. Let's follow her into whatever darkness she likes. 

(...including the Red Band version of the trailer below.)