Just when you thought there couldn't possibly be any more Nicholas Sparks books left to adapt, lo and behold! Here's the trailer for another one. And what do you know, it looks exactly like every other Nicholas Sparks movie!

Titled "The Longest Ride," this one stars Scott Eastwood, son of Clint, and Britt Robertson, best known for stealing "Teen Wolf's" Dylan O'Brien away from his millions of tween girlfriends.

God, this trailer is horrible. And effective, in its way. Let's not forget: most of these films make money, and they do it by following a very specific, very dull formula. Here, then, are seven key ingredients to that flavorless stew, as represented in "The Longest Ride's" insufferably predictable first look.

1. Two conventionally attractive white people fall in love.

The official trailer for The Longest Ride

Are you compelled by this couple? Well congratulations, you're an empty shell of a human being.

2. Two RADICALLY different worlds collide

The official trailer for The Longest Ride

He's a RODEO RIDER and she's a GENERIC WHITE COLLAR WORKER. Gasp! This romance is destined to end in tragedy. Nope, it can never be, I'm sorry.

3. Idyllic country setting

The official trailer for The Longest Ride

Dullest state in the union? North Carolina.

4. Grizzled old man character

Alan Alda in the official trailer for The Longest Ride

Welcome to Alan Alda's rock bottom.

5. Old-timey romance

The official trailer for The Longest Ride

Nothing says "generic 1940s Coke ad" like a Nicholas Sparks WWII flashback.

6. Sexy-but-not-too-sexy love scenes

The official trailer for The Longest Ride

Your grandmother will be titillated by that belly button close-up.

7. A looming tragedy

The official trailer for The Longest Ride

Let me guess: there's going to be a rodeo accident.

"The Longest Ride" hits theaters on April 10. My fucking birthday.

A former contributor to sites including MTV's The Backlot and Bloody-Disgusting, Chris Eggertsen worked in film development before indulging his love of pop culture writing full time. He specializes in horror, the intersection of social issues and entertainment and Howard Stern. He's on Twitter @HitFixChris.