“We Can’t Stop,” Miley Cyrus’s new single, never really starts.

[More after the jump...]

 The tune, which will be featured on Cyrus’s RCA Records debut this fall, is like a 3 A.M., zoned-out version of the far superior “Party In The USA.”  Everyone is tanked out of their minds, but they won’t, or can’t, find their way home.

Co-written by Cyrus, Mike Will and Rock City, it is a slow-jamming ode to partying that never gets out of first gear. It’s offers an insinuating start with a hypnotic groove, but then has nowhere to go. It’s like the guest who won’t leave the kitchen.

Cyrus seems to continually shout out from the roof top that she is GROWN UP and in the world where grown up means flashing side boob, singing about getting high with Snoop Lion/Dogg, and posing naughtily for V magazine, she has convinced us. However, in the world where talent matters, she’s got a far way to go and that’s a shame because she has a fine voice.

The bigger sin against “We Can’t Stop” isn’t that Cyrus seems to want to party all the time, it’s that the song is so lazy in its attempts to show that.  You don’t have to be adult to write lines like this— “We like to par-tee/dancing with Mi-ley, this is our house, this is our rules.” — a six-year old could have written that.

But our favorite lyrical transgression is where Cyrus praises the girl with the junk in the trunk for shaking what her mama gave her as if she’s in a strip club. Get on that pole, girl, and remember, only God can judge you. You go!! In case you don’t want to listen below: “To my home girls here with the big butt, shaking it like we at the strip club remember only god can judge you forget the haters cos somebody loves ya.”

That’s followed by a line that I’m taking as a big coke reference, but I’m hoping I’m not hearing it right: “Everyone in the line for the bathroom trying to get a line in the bathroom, we are so turned up here, getting turned up yeah, yeah.”  If it is, it’s not that big a surprise, since Cyrus hasn’t flaunted her drug use like Rihanna, but she’s not hiding anything.

If Cyrus wants to go the trashy party girl  Ke$ha route, that’s her prerogative, but could she at least be a little more creative about it?