The most acclaimed film of this weekend's theatrical release crop? Not "Cinderella," as it turns out. No, the critical winner is actually writer/director David Robert Mitchell's "It Follows," a low-budget horror film about a group of teens being stalked by an evil sex-monster. Not even kidding!

From own Drew McWeeny's review out of Cannes: "At its best, the film has moments that are creepy and that work on some strange primal level. Many of the manifestations of the angry force in this film are played by people who are oddly visually striking, like an enormously tall and oddly-shaped man or a guy with a weird pinched rodent face and jug ears."

Can't help it, I want to see this. Where better to learn about the perils of intercourse than from a horror movie? Not that it would be the first time --  from Roman Polanski's 1965 Catherine Deneuve freak-out "Repulsion" to "Teeth" (a.k.a. the greatest film ever about vagina dentata), the genre has been teaching us all about sex for decades now. In anticipation of the film's theatrical debut, I've rounded up ten other lessons we've learned over the years, from "Don't have sex, ever" to "Have sex or go insane." Are we confused yet?

School's in session...

A former contributor to sites including MTV's The Backlot and Bloody-Disgusting, Chris Eggertsen worked in film development before indulging his love of pop culture writing full time. He specializes in horror, the intersection of social issues and entertainment and Howard Stern. He's on Twitter @HitFixChris.