Dear Indiana: If you're so antigay, why did you give us these gay icons?
Indiana's coolness took a south bend this week when Gov. Mike Pence signed into law a bill that allows businesses to turn away LGBT customers on the grounds of "religious freedom." Sort of makes you wish that "not sucking" was a religion.
To remind Indiana lawmakers why their nonsense is, well, nonsense, let's take a look at some gay icons and iconography that originated in Indiana. If you're so concerned about protecting the hatred of gay people, why do these folks below rule so much?
The wailing "American Idol" runner-up came out in the most decadent way possible: with a Rolling Stone cover story and salacious serpentine imagery. Lambert was raised in Southern California but was born in Indianapolis, which basically makes him a living version of "Saved by the Bell."
"Let's Hear It for the Boy" queen Deniece Williams
The single gayest track on the "Footloose" soundtrack (not a small feat) is "Let's Hear It for the Boy," which still sends shocks of adrenaline through gay dancefloors. Let's hear it for this baby of yours, Indiana, because you are basically trying to abandon it.
James Dean: the original bae
Was James Dean gay? Well, depending on which biography you read: Sometimes! He certainly remains one of the towering style icons in gay culture. My hair is styled like James Dean's signature Cool Whip coif as we speak.
Crystal Gayle and that hair and that everything
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we all know Crystal Gayle has long hair and is Loretta Lynn's sister. But let us celebrate this Indiana native's greatness by recalling her amazing song "Half the Way." It is the ultimate Saturday morning drive jam. She is a decadent empress of gay iconography and let us all worship her for millennia.
Tammy Lynn Michaels, the "Popular" lesbian icon
Marrying Melissa Etheridge is a great gay achievement on its own, but let's not forget that Lafayette native Tammy Lynn Michaels gave us one of the most fabulous moments in Ryan Murphy's early TV career: On that beloved 2000s cult fave "Popular," Michaels
LaToya Jackson, flaw-free NeNe-fighting queen.
All of the Jacksons are from Indiana. But while Michael had the legendary moves and Janet had the smooth sultriness, LaToya is the Jackson family's only perfect human being. Here she is, an angel on Earth, dealing with "the mouth" and "the heighth" of NeNe Leakes. The basic gays are on NeNe's team. The legendary gays are on LaToya's. Done.
But while we're at it, why don't we dance through Indiana's moral turpitude with this jam?