10 observations about the cover of Vanity Fair's new Hollywood issue
Every year Vanity Fair treats us to a spellbinding showbiz spectacle with its Hollywood issue, which celebrates A-list actors by having them lounge all over each other like West End chaises. Check out the 2016 class, photographed by (who else?) Annie Leibovitz.
1. At first Cate Blanchett appears to be reclining on Viola Davis, but judging by the height of her lean, she actually scaled Viola Davis and planted an Australian flag on her shoulder blade. "Me and Viola, we're in this together," her posture suggests. Viola's posture suggests the rebuttal, "Maybe, if I have time."
2. Jennifer Lawrence is going for some kind of thug head-lean here? Jane Fonda chuckles and says, "Let her try."
3. How have we gone this long without realizing Brie Larson and Alicia Vikander are the same person? I haven't seen Oscar doppelgangering of this kind since 2009 when Vera Farmiga and Maggie Gyllenhaal were co-nominated and spent all season looking like the same loopy Vanessa Bayer character.
4. There's Diane Keaton on the far right standing proud like a rancher with her cattle. "Rounded 'em up for you," she grunts at us, spitting some tobacco near Saoirse Ronan's feet. I like this stage of her career where she's constantly dressed like she's in a Quentin Tarantino revisionist history of her own life.
5. Lupita Nyong'o's shoulder is cocked juuust enough that I believe she is saying, "Charlotte Rampling and all her damn ideas better stay over there."
6. Gugu Mbatha-Raw and Helen Mirren choosing the exact camera angle while on the same angle from each other is deadly math.
7. God, look at Jane Fonda. Jane Fonda, that complete indestructible demigod. Jane Fonda, with her assassin stare. Jane Fonda, with her adamantium eveningwear. She's looking at us like, "I've seen a hundred thousand Alicia Vikanders come and go and I'll wave this one goodbye too."
8. Damn, Charlotte Rampling and Rachel Weisz just successfully auditioned to play mother and daughter in everything for the rest of their lives.
9. Helen Mirren's straight face. What does it say? I vote for "I'm the most suspicious dame in this murder mystery."
10. Saoirse Ronan's straight face, meanwhile, says "I have another whole month of listening to Mario Lopez and Giuliana Rancic mispronounce my name. Pray for me."