I think it really just comes down to one inescapable fact: I hate Bella Swan.
I suspect my real problems lie with Stephenie Meyer and Melissa Rosenberg, the novelist and screenwriter responsible for "The Twilight Saga," and, by extension, Bella Swan. But it does not change how completely I hate Bella Swan.
Bella Swan, for those of you fortunate enough not to be "Twilight" savvy at this point, is the main character in "The Twilight Saga." Kristen Stewart has become a superstar playing the character, although I'd argue we have yet to see any proof that her fanbase will follow her after the franchise is done. She is the teenage girl who finds herself torn between her affections for Jacob (Taylor Lautner), a Native American werewolf, and Edward (Robert Pattinson), a sparkly vampire. She is a rotten, rotten person as written, and the fact that the entire series just serves as an extension of her desires and goals has managed now to make me feel like a bad person just for sitting in the theater and watching her.
I never reviewed the first "Twilight" film. I didn't see it in any sort of timely manner. I did, however, review "New Moon" last year, and here's what I wrote about that film: