I have spent most of the past year trying to destroy myself.
The good news is that I seem to be reaching the end of that stage of things. I am not a particularly happy person these days, but I think there's a way to be happy again. It will require a pretty major shift in lifestyle on my part, but when you've blown up everything that you know already, what's a little more reinvention?
Let me say that I'm sorry it took so long for me to finish these articles. By the end of this piece, I'll have written something like 25,000 words, which seems appropriate. But that's a whole lot of self-reflection, and what started as a fun look back for me became surprisingly bittersweet. The more I've reflected on the way I've ended up where I am right now, the more I find myself wrestling with regret. That's a hard place to be at 45 when there are people counting on you, but one of the things I've tried to do with my writing has been make it honest, and when I'm being honest, then I have to confess… I feel somewhat lost.