'Sleepy Hollow' - America's 'Magnum Opus' was hoarding important apocalyse artifacts
Last week was an Abbie-centric episode where we finally got to see her and Jenny interact with their mom. Of course, Mrs. Mills was embodying the “cryptic messenger” trope, so the family reunion was laced with unnecessary terror and miscommunication. So, a pretty standard family gathering.
This week, the gang returns to the task at hand. Moloch — and certain doom — are barreling down on the world. They’ve got to gear up for the “Magnum Opus.”
No nightmare cold open this week. Instead we get the other, far more delightful opening where Ichabod and Abbie do something with modern technology, causing the curmundgeon in Crane to come out. This time? A friendly game of Head’s Up charades using their phones. Abbie’s clue is Crane “Cannot tell a lie,” which leads to outrage by Ichabod because his BFF George Washington lied ALL THE TIME.
“Whatever, Colonial Mythbuster,” chides Abbie, voice of the audience.
This attempt to trick their subconsciousnesses (that is one awkward word) into making sense of the Mills family journal is cut short when Katrina pops in via mirror call. This is the first time the gang has heard from her since she went back “undercover” and it’s not good news. Katrina hasn’t managed to kill Moloch because murdering evil children is wrong or hard or something. Suck it up, girl.
Katrina warns that Moloch is days away from reaching maturity and her hands are tied. Truly, TRULY the most inept witch of her age, you guys.
Abbie is like “Back to the drawing board, we gotta find this weapon my mom said was hidden in the pages but couldn’t be bothered to tell us exactly where and oh my God, I hate this obtuse bullshit.”
Unbeknownst to our heroes, Henry’s mirror has a redial function. Exposition Library is compromised! Sound the drudge siren! The Horseman of War is able to eavesdrop as Abbie and Ichabod finally puzzle through the myriad of steps needed to find the weapon. Nothing is ever easy.
Speaking of difficult situations, Abbie gets an alert that Reyes is hot on the trail of Captain Frank Irving, Escaped Convict. Abbie texts Jenny to let her know the cops are setting up checkpoints and to be safe, since Jenny is transporting Irving across the border to Canada. I hope Abbie was using a burner phone or that warning is gonna come back to bite her in the ass.
One anagram, distorted drawing, political cartoon, and epiphany that America might have been founded as a by-product of preparing for the Apocalypse later, we arrive at the solution to all our Moloch woes. The Witnesses must find the sword of Methuselah. Luckily, like all major artifacts pertaining to the End Times™, it’s located in Sleepy Hollow. You cannot throw a rock in this county without hitting a priceless mythical artifact.
There is one catch: prophecy states in order to wield the sword of Methuselah, one must “Know yourself of perish.” Crane pretty much says, “Um, so maybe I shouldn’t touch it then,” and I concur because this is a man who latches onto the viewpoints of loved ones like an opinion leech.
Back in the Carriage House, Henry congratulates himself on being clever enough to let Katrina use the mirror. Now he and Death know what the plan is and can stop the heroes. Sure dawn is approaching, but that’s not War’s problem. Abraham had best just ride faster to get to the sword first.
Despite our fugitives taking a road supposedly checkpoint free, there’s one anyway. Irving isn’t surprised; the cops are widening the net. Jenny the Genre Savvy keeps a spare burner phone in her glovebox though, so armed with a means of communication Irving bails out of the moving car. They’ll meet up on the other side.
Not gonna lie, I’d watch a show just about the hyper-competent adventures of Jenny and Irving.
Following the map laid out by Ben Franklin, Abbie and Ichabod have reached the point where 'X' marks the spot. But there’s a whole of nothing…until Abbie sees the ruins from her vision last week. Turns out Mrs. Mills wasn’t in Victorian London OR ancient Rome; she was singing eerie lullabies in the wilds of New England.
Suddenly, a wild Headless Horseman appears! He uses “Can’t see shit.” It’s super effective! The Scooby gang hides in the bushes while Abraham curses his lack of eyes. But he has bigger problems. Dawn is coming, so murdering his friend-turned-foe must wait. Headless dismounts to enter the ruins and I instantly want our heroes to steal his horse. But sadly, it is not to be. Instead Abbie sneaks up the back while Ichabod pleads for restraint. Just let the UV Rays get him, seems to be Crane’s argument.
Abbie is having none of that nonsense and spies on Abraham. The Horseman of Death is engaged in a bout of vandalism. He’s stealing property like a teenage hooligan. Abbie’s a terrible spy and knocks a brick loose, turning the unseeng gaze of Death upon her. Uh, oh.
For once, Crane gets to play the hero, distracting his estranged friend while Mills escapes. Ichabod runs about twenty feet and dives behind the rocks, winded. Time to add in some cardio, dude. The mood lightning vanishes just in time for the sun to rise. Abraham is forced to retreat, steaming like a plate of fajitas.
Ichabod Crane, the only human on Earth who actually uses the Sunrise/Sunset part of his phone’s weather app.