After two “playoff” episodes this week, “The Voice” is back again, this time with a one-hour results show. Announcing the twelve contestants that will continue onwards should take all of ten minutes, so expect lots of padding tonight. Announced performances by Maroon 5 and Season 2 winner Jermaine Paul only highlight how much filler will be in tonight’s show.
 
Before we get started, allow me to repost my predictions after last night’s episode ended. The first two listed will be those voted in by the audience, and the third will represent the coach’s save. Let’s break down who I think will represent Christina Aguilera, CeeLo Green, Adam Levine, and Blake Shelton going forth.
 
Team Xtina: De’borah, Sylvia Yacoub, Dez Duron
 
Team CeeLo: Nicholas David, Trevin Hunte, Cody Belew
 
Team Adam: Bryan Keith, Amanda Brown, Loren Allred
 
Team Blake: Liz Davis, Cassadee Pope, Michaela Paige
 
I can, and will, be wrong about this. I wouldn’t be surprised nor disappointed to see either Melanie Martinez or Terry McDermott make it through. We might learn that Julio Cesar Castillo and MacKenzie Bourg have strong voting fan bases, which might force Shelton or Green to make a difficult save. I would be shocked if Joselyn Rivera, Devyn DeLoera, Adriana Louise, or Diego Val continued.
 
There, I feel better about specifically detailing how off my predictions will be. Let’s get onto the recap! All times, as always, are EST.
 
8:00 p.m. Let’s make some rash judgments about the outfits worn by the coaches tonight. Levine thinks he’s in a ski lodge. Aguilera thinks she’s in an okiya. Shelton is going clubbing at a place that wouldn’t let me past the velvet rope. And Green is a sex leopard. There. Done.
 
8:01 p.m. Carson Daly….is having trouble…with a slow-moving…teleprompter.
 
8:02 p.m. We get a quick recap of every performance this week. Nothing in this makes me rethinking my predictions above. “No one deserves to go home at this point,” says Aguilera. I disagree!
 
8:04 p.m. Aguilera is extra, extra glittery tonight. My word. Green tells Daly that he’ll factor in chemistry when it comes down to saving the third member of his team tonight. Levine feels that there’s no failure at this point, no matter who goes home tonight. I’ll wager the eight going home would take issue with that statement.
 
8:06 p.m. The female members of Team Adam and Team Blake take the stage to perform Kelly Clarkson’s “Stronger”. Halfway through the first chorus, the males join them onstage and help share the vocal load. It has to be weird to be singing alongside people that are directly in your path towards potential superstardom, no?
 
8:12 p.m. It’s results time for Team Adam. After ANOTHER recap of their performances this week, the five take the stage aside Daly. Thanks to audience voting, both Amanda Brown and Bryan Keith will be advancing. No great surprises there.
 
8:14 p.m. Levine tells the remaining three that he has a “horrible thing to do” right now. He says Allred is the Most Improved Player. He makes sure Rivera knows that she sings better than he ever could. He praises Martinez’s artistry. But in the end, he chooses Melanie Martinez. Two out of three aren’t bad for my initial predictions. And I understand why Martinez stayed, even if I think Allred earned the spot. What she does, she does better than anyone else remaining. But that’s all she does. Whether or not that matters is something for us to learn in the upcoming weeks.
 
8:22 p.m. Before we break the hopes and dreams of more singers, let’s check in with Christina Milian and Jermaine Paul, who give us a cellphone tech demo in the Social Media Den Of Iniquity And Pain. Good God.
 
8:23 p.m. I kinda hope Loren Allred and/or Joselyn Rivera rush the stage during this Maroon 5 performance of “Daylight”. My favorite part of the performance isn’t the song itself, but that all of them seem to be dressed up like Violet Beauregarde after she chewed the Three-Course Dinner chewing gum. Seems like an odd tribute. 
 
8:30 p.m. We’re thirty minutes in, and have only seen one elimination thus far.
 
8:31 p.m. We’re not going to get any eliminations just yet, as Jermaine Paul takes to the stage to perform “I Believe In This Life”. What a better way to celebrate the voice that won last season’s competition by…surrounding him by a bevy of backup dancers and plenty of pre-recorded vocals to accompany him. That’s not his fault, mind you. I feel bad that Paul’s enveloped in this circus. Here’s what potentially awaits you, Future Cycle Three winner of “The Voice”! Touch each other’s phones together and share the pain.
 
8:34 p.m. It’s time to find out who will advance on Team Blake. Once again, we get quick glimpses of their Monday performances before all five appear onstage with Daly. America has spoken, and they have selected Terry McDermott and Cassadee Pope. I’m stunned that McDermott went through as an audience pick, only because I didn’t have faith that the demographic watching the show would have voted for a rock singer who looks like a rejected member of Oasis. Color me happy.
 
8:35 p.m. Now Shelton has a fairly tough decision before him. However, he’s also been on record as stating that he wants to take a country artist to go all the way. So it seems like Liz Davis is the one and only pick. And yet, when it comes down to it, he saves Michaela Paige. Wow. I’m even more stunned. Not because she’s undeserving: she gave THE most surprising performance of this round. Mostly, I’m stunned Shelton made the right choice here. I only chose Davis above due to Shelton’s constant harping all season about taking a country artist into the finals He’s made suspect picks involving Davis and Castillo multiple times this season. But he chose correctly here, and has the best three possible going into the next phase. 
 
8:43 p.m. Team Xtina and Team CeeLo team up to sing Train’s “Drive By”. If the goal is to pick songs that work against the strengths of as many contestants as possible, then well done, “The Voice”! You succeeded. Still, I admire these ten all performing when you know each one of them wants nothing more than to throw up before learning his or her respective fate. My favorite moment? De’Borah and Bourg executing a leaping hip check mid-song. That was absolutely adorable. As overly produced as tonight has been, that was refreshingly unscripted.
 
8:46 p.m. It’s time to cut Team Xtina down to three. Post-montage, all five stand on stage to learn who will advance. Daly reads off the names that the audience has voted onto the next round: Dez Duron and Sylvia Yacoub. Well, this should be an easy choice for Aguilera.
 
8:47 p.m. Aguilera forgoes individual compliments, urging all three to not let outside opinions affect them as they pursue their careers. In the end, Aguilera saves…Adriana Louise. Well, that’s just ridiculous. Aguilera seems to know it, pre-defending her selection in a way that indicated that she knew it would be controversial. My guess? She thinks she can mold Louise into something akin to herself, whereas De’Borah was always going to be out of her reach. Now that aforementioned hip check just makes me sad.
 
8:54 p.m. Let’s wrap things up with Team CeeLo, before I throw a brick at my television after Aguilera’s choice. With their votes, America has selected Trevin Hunte and Nicholas David to go through to the next round. Those were the clear choices, but I’m still happy that there’s mass appeal for both of them, especially David.
 
8:56 p.m. “[‘The Voice’] is an opportunity so rich, no one will leave here empty-handed,” says Green to his remaining team members. He respects and loves them all, but in the end, he decides to go with the most improved, who is Cody Belew. Belew was the last one to make it through the blind auditions, and he’s still standing. Poor Bourg and Val have to remain onstage as the other nine advancing contestants join Team CeeLo onstage as the credits roll.
 
8:58 p.m. All in all, my predictions didn’t end up too badly, with ten of my twelve making it through one way or another. Louise was the biggest surprise, and I think the biggest mistake. I have nothing against her as a performer. I just don’t see how Aguilera can justify keeping her while dismissing De’Borah.
 
What did you make of tonight’s eliminations? Which one made you the happiest? Which one surprised you the most? Which eliminated contestant was most unfairly dismissed? Sound off below!