Last week was a low blow for our heroes. Captain Irving is still struggling to maintain his sanity without his soul and the gang accidentally acquired a super rare poison for Henry aka the Horseman of War. He used that nefarious, suspiciously blood-like mixture to create a FREAKIN’ SPIDER that crawled into Katrina’s mouth.

No. God, no. Please…no. Ugh. With Moloch’s minions having the upper hand, will the Scooby gang rack up a win this week in “Deliverance?” 


We open on Ichabod and Katrina in bed, bathed in blue light and gossamer sheets. So this is either a memory or a dream. The couple share some platitudes about the grueling schedule of the Revolutionary War interfering with them getting it on like rabbits. Ichabod shares his hopes for their future children, which is sweet. He then flips Katrina over and chokes her out while spitting spiders into her mouth, which is not so sweet.

So, dream sequence then. 

Katrina wakes up in a pool of sweat. She doesn’t look too good, but neither would you if a blood spider made entirely of poison just crawled into your stomach. 

Unaware of his wife’s predicament, Crane has followed Abbie to the voting polls. Of course, Ichabod is incensed that voter turnout for mid-term elections is a paltry 40%. Back in his day, everyone voted and gladly, at that. Abbie is like “Oh really? You know, except for black people…and women…and anyone who wasn’t a white dude.” 

You need some ice for that burn, Crane? No? You’re gonna add to your own flagellation by pointing out the white dudes also had to own huge tracts of land, and thus be rich? Well, good for you, seeing your privilege and being like “Okay yeah, I just said a stupid thing.”

Back in the Carriage House, Katrina looks like garbage. Abraham — otherwise known as the Horseman of Death — is worried about her. If their relationship wasn’t seven kinds of messed up, it would be kind of cute. Instead, it’s just disconcerting. Katrina blames her illness on supernatural forces and passive-aggressively blames Death for her condition.

Suddenly, Henry bursts in aggressive-aggressively and has his goons apprehend Katrina. Did War shop for minions on Mafia Discount Day at Red Shirt Emporium? Because these guys are dapper as hell. 

Whatever is going on with Mrs. Crane, it is going exactly according to plan. But who’s plan? Henry says he’s here on Moloch’s behalf and their commander has changed his mind about Hell’s plan for Katrina Crane. Both Abraham and myself call bullshit. But War has a better grip on his Horseman powers — or he just has cooler abilities — and opens a window with telekinesis to let the sunlight trap Abraham while his goons whisk Katrina away.

Dissension in the ranks of Hell is getting serious, y’all. This is some straight up Mario/Bowser nonsense.

No one moves Abraham’s princess to another castle! Death rallies against the evils of natural light and puts an axe right in a goon’s back. I hope Henry kept his receipt. That guy still had “new minion” smell. 

Seeing an opening, Katrina kicks her captor straight in the nads and makes a break for it. Despite suffering from supernatural consumption, she manages to make it to the nearest gas station — and help — before passing right the hell out.

Back in town, Ichabod is still railing against modern democracy until Abbie soothes him with an “I Voted” sticker. You guys, these two dorks are adorable. Right as our heroes are about to leave, Sheriff Reyes shows up with her posse. Crane laments Abbie’s removal from The Plastics…I mean the police inner circle. But one of the cool kids throws us a bone. A call just came in about some crazy red-headed Jane Doe in Revolutionary clothing passing out in the street and being taken to the hospital.

Say no more, minor recurring character.

At said hospital, Katrina is unconscious and still has the sickly sheen of someone suffering from blood spider poisoning. A doctor shows up to be indignant and spit out crucial information. The patient has a fever of 105 and an infection in her abdominal wall, says the doctor before disappearing, because clearly these people know the Jane Doe and shouldn’t have to provide proof or anything. Katrina wakes up just in time to be completely conscious for the emergence of painful black lines that signal blood poisoning.

Um, did Henry start a metamorphosis that will turn Katrina in the Horseman of Pestilence? Because that would be ONE way to stay closer to Mommy while sticking it to Dad.

Always the voice of reason, Abbie suggests they should vamoose before the Goons of War show up to re-kidnap Katrina. The only problem is the hospital took her clothes. So Mrs. Crane ends up in a drunk goth’s rejects: skinny jeans and a corset. Ichabod is conflicted about the state of dress — or undress — of his wife in public. But there’s no time to waste because the goons have arrived. Abbie shuffles the Cranes out of the hospital so she — you know, the cop — can tail these minions back to their lair.

Ichabod takes Katrina to the Exposition Library because it has every possible book they could ever need to discover what Henry did to her. When the minions of War tried to kidnap her, Katrina remembers seeing a goat in their “medical” book. Using his photographic memory, Crane is able to deduce the symbol belongs to the Hellfire Club within seconds. 

Oh man, I hope Emma Frost shows up next week! Wait, wrong universe. In the “Sleepy Hollow” world, the Hellfire Club was infiltrated by Ben Franklin — because of course it was — and as luck would have it, Franklin witnessed them do to another woman the same thing that’s happening to Katrina. 

I am side-eying the hell out of this deus ex machina library, y’all.

Unfortunately for our heroes, even absurd coincidences draw the line at literally writing down what ails Katrina. Franklin never gave any clues as to what caused the illness or if the other woman even lived. That bodes well, right? Oh, also during this exchange Katrina lets it slip that she’s wearing an enchanted necklace that allows her to converse with Abraham. Ichabod is not amused. 

Away from all this middle school drama, Abbie is making progress. She is on the case…following a minion holding a case. Dude enters an abandoned warehouse and Mills follows. So, is Sleepy Hollow suffering from a manufacturing recession? There is a seriously high number of empty industrial buildings in this tiny town.

In a clean room in the warehouse, one minion is on the phone while the other wrestles with a tablet that is obviously the baby cousin of the Rosetta stone. Abbie snaps photos of everything on her cell phone before stumbling into a gurney with a corpse on it. A corpse with the same black lines that now cover Katrina. Ah, it seems Henry is thorough. You don’t just give unknown blood spiders to your target without running human trials first to work out the bugs.

Get it? Sorry. 

The guards are alerted by the noise but studied at the school of “Metal Gear Solid” sentry duty. Abbie not only manages escapes undetected but is able to take more pictures on her way out. Oh look, a crib and a delivery table. Did Henry IMPREGNATE Katrina with Pestilence? Is there really time to raise a Horseman to maturity? It would be a kind of poetic justice though, right? Katrina Crane, Uterus of the Apocalypse.

Mom. Wife. Geek. Gamer. Feminist. Writer. Sarcastic. Succinct. Donna has been writing snark for the Internet in one form or another for almost a decade. She has a lot of opinions, mostly on science-fiction, fantasy, feminism, and Sailor Moon. Follow her on Twitter (@MildlyAmused) for more of all these things.