In last week’s episode, Mr. Pink came face to face with the other man in Clara’s life…and he did not like what he saw. The show is finally dealing with how the Doctor takes on human companions who intrinsically trust him, even to the detriment of their own life. And how unhealthy that is. While “The Caretaker” was the Doctor in name, Moffat appears to be setting up Danny to care for Clara when Twelve finally pushes her too far.

But what will be the final straw? Maybe we’ll find out this week when the Doctor and Clara “Kill the Moon.”


After Danny finally learned the truth about Clara and the Doctor, I thought perhaps he’d tag along for the next outing. If nothing else, perhaps he would want to see if he can trust the Doctor not to put Clara in danger. What I didn’t expect was to see Courtney Woods again. But here she is, in Intergalactic Orange, standing by as Clara pleads with the people of Earth to make a decision. And not just any decision, but one upon which hinges the fate of all mankind. Will the humans sacrifice one life to save billions? They have 45 minutes to decide and the Doctor is somehow incapacitated and cannot assist.

Wait, really? This is the premise upon which the episode rests? If ending one life to save countless other lives is worth it? Here, let me help. Yes. Yes it is. Episode over.

But no, instead we’re popped back in time a bit to figure out how Clara and Courtney got into this mess in the first place. Clara is at school, berating the Doctor for messing up Miss Woods pretty bad. Somehow the kid has stolen Twelve’s psychic paper and is generally being a disgruntled youth, all because the Doctor told Courtney she wasn’t special. 

The Doctor is uncharacteristically unperturbed by this turn of events: he seems completely cool with a teenage human stealing from him and also breaking into the TARDIS. Though how Courtney managed to break into said TARDIS is a mystery for another day, I suppose. But nevertheless, Miss Woods is waiting to be taken on another adventure. She even brought anti-nausea pills because she thinks ahead.

Instead of just humoring Clara and telling the girl that everyone is special in their own way, or some other tripe, the Doctor decides the best way to prove to a wayward teen that she matters is to let her be the first woman to walk on the moon. Okay, sure. But since Twelve can’t drive, the TARDIS lands inside a space shuttle instead of on the moon proper. A space shuttle full to bursting with about hundred nuclear war heads.

Kill the moon, indeed.

Killing the moon might have the unintended side effect of killing our main characters too, because this space shuttle is about to crash into the lunar surface. But instead of hopping back into the TARDIS, the Doctor merely shouts for everyone to brace themselves…and pray the nukes don’t go off, I guess? Like any family outing, this mini-vacation has quickly spiraled out of control.

Enter Hermione Norris, playing the hard-as-nails NASA astronaut Lundvik and her two Red Shirts who’s names I won’t bother to learn because they’re obviously here to die. Godspeed, nameless men who are about to give their lives to whatever is making the moon heavy enough to have Earth-like gravity.

Lundvik brings her no-nonsense attitude and hefty bit of exposition. We’re in the year 2049, and the moon has put on significant mass. This has upset the symbiotic nature it has with Earth, resulting in untold deaths as the tides become unpredictable and sea levels rise, drowning whole cities. Lundvik and her men have been sent to the moon to figure out what is going on and, should the need arise, nuke the ever-living hell out of the source.

America, hell yeah!

Once the astronauts realize their stowaways are here to help (by the way, the Doctor’s slightly panicky rant about shooting him last because he’s “not entirely sure I won’t keep regenerating forever,” was heart-breaking), everyone suits back up and Courtney Woods is indeed the first woman on the moon…that we know of.

As they walk, Lundvik keeps dishing out backstory. Apparently Mexico sent a privately funded mining survey crew but no one knows what happened to them. The four miners went missing. Of course, the Mexicans did send back a final transmission that was nothing but screaming. So obviously, no one went to check it out because we’ve all seen this movie. Also, America had gotten pretty bored with space travel and didn’t have any shuttles to send (the one they’re on now is a museum piece rigged to work). But now, the Doctor and company must brave certain doom to find out if the survey team discovered any useful information.

The shuttle landed close to the survey base camp, and the astronauts are hoping it will give them some clues as to why the moon has gone wonky. Instead it gives them cobwebs. Which, I’m not entirely sure the moon is capable of forming cobwebs? So I’m going to tentatively guess the Red Shirts will die via LUNAR SPIDERS.

It’s a gambit as to whether someone will be dragged screaming into the darkness of the abandoned moon base or if we’ll get a jump moment. Jump moment it is! Courtney Woods is screaming because there is a dead guy wrapped up in the “cobwebs.” Immediately the Doctor is on the case. Perhaps the alien lunar spiders want to know if humans taste like chicken? Twelve is officially that annoying uncle everyone has. You know, the one who scares the hell out of all the kids at the family reunion. 

Life support kicks on when one of the Red Shirts bravely goes off alone to find the power button. It is a testament to the private sector of space travel that they were able to get everything up and running again. But now that the lights are on, things go from creepy to “what the hell is going on?” Turns out that despite surveying the entire moon, the Mexican miners didn’t find traces of any minerals anywhere under the surface. What they did find were a series of fissures cracking ever wider. The moon is falling apart.

Welp, the Red Shirts couldn’t live forever. Like a lost lamb, one has wandered away from the safety of the herd. While the entire group stays in the relative safety of being indoors, Nameless Astronaut #1 heads outside. Using canon fodder sixth sense, he heads directly to the lair of the LUNAR SPIDERS. Don’t look inside the dark hole making spooky noises! Do you want to die? Because this is how you die. And, now you’re dead.

Back inside, one of the monsters makes an eerie shriek and skitters around the room. “What the hell is that?” asks Courtney, because she is a sane person who wants to live. The lunar spider reveals itself, and wow it really is a giant spider. Maybe the moon is a huge nest of space spiders? Great, I just gave myself nightmares.

With Day-Glo orange joints, the giant spider skitters ever nearer to the group, emitting just enough light to show off its terrifying carapace. They panic because LOOK AT IT! Quickly the Doctor realizes the monster spider is like a T-Rex in “Jurassic Park” and can’t see them if they don’t move. So slowly everyone begins to inch towards the door but even those slight movements draw its attention and HOW DID IT EVEN GET IN HERE?

Everyone dives for the door and down goes the other Red Shirt! GAH! The space spider had human teeth! Godspeed Nameless Astronaut #2. I’d like to take this moment to point out that once more this season, the script has killed off every dude that isn’t a Time Lord, leaving the women to save the day. This can’t be a coincidence. 

But oh no! Courtney Woods is trapped in the room with the dead Red Shirt and the lunar spider and the rest of the group is on the other side of a steel door of safety. The Doctor tries to save her, but the plot gets all wibbly-wobbly. Courtney momentarily floats because the spider is an unstable mass(??) before a deus ex machina in the form of Windex saves the day. Courtney sprays the giant bug with germ-killing chemicals and it shrivels and dies on the spot.

Well that was…weird.

Mom. Wife. Geek. Gamer. Feminist. Writer. Sarcastic. Succinct. Donna has been writing snark for the Internet in one form or another for almost a decade. She has a lot of opinions, mostly on science-fiction, fantasy, feminism, and Sailor Moon. Follow her on Twitter (@MildlyAmused) for more of all these things.