Another Thursday, another elimination ceremony on “Big Brother.” With Spencer all but forgotten at this point, it comes down to Aaryn and Jeremy on the chopping block tonight. Aaryn has angered the most people with her behavior, but plenty of players deem Jeremy as the bigger threat in the overall scheme of things. There’s punishment enough awaiting Aaryn once she gets on the outside of the house, but there’s also the outside chance that contestants will view her attitude as so toxic that there’s no chance she would ever win the show. By that gameplay logic, removing her at any point in the early proceedings would be a waste of an elimination.
All of that theorizing implies “strategy,” something that’s been sorely lacking thus far inside the “Big Brother” house. Still, that’s fairly common at this stage of the game, where alliances are unwieldy, character traits are still unknown, and the sheer number of players makes smart gameplay difficult to achieve. My instinct is that Aaryn survives to offend another day, while the men try to figure out how they lost control of the house so quickly. But who knows? That’s why we watch the show. I’ll be liveblogging throughout the night, starting at 9:00 pm EST. Make sure to refresh throughout the episode!
9:00 p.m. ET. In honor of Fienberg, I feel duty bound to report that Julie Chen’s shoulders are bare. There. Whew. Now we can move on with a clear conscience.
9:01 p.m. Recap time! I’m not sure we need a segment this long. This isn’t “Game Of Thrones” here. Not a lot to keep track of, all things being said.
9:03 p.m. My season-long struggle to remember Judd’s name will continue tonight. I can feel it!
9:04 p.m. “Hurtful things have been said! People have been called out!” says Chen, before introducing another flashback. It’s a flashback of something we saw in the flashback 90 seconds ago. That’s almost amazing. But mostly just incredible filler.
9:05 p.m. Helen is ecstatic in the wake of the Veto nomination ceremony. Aaryn isn’t pleased about the prospect of currying favor in order to stay in the house. Kaitlin plants a kiss on Jeremy’s cheek, and the lipstick remains there into the interview room. Saucy!
9:06 p.m. “Jeremy is being penalized for being a winner!” laments Aaryn. That’s certainly ONE interpretation of the text. For his part, Jeremy decides to show his softer side. To do this, he dressed up like a baby. Because…look, let’s not overanalyze Jeremy’s mind. That ways lies darkness.
9:07 p.m. “Thank God he was just looking for votes!” says Amanda in the interview room, before covering her chests. Who does interviews better than Amanda? “No one” is the correct answer.
9:08 p.m. Inside the house, Aaryn decides to win over people through calisthenics and twerking. Andy is less than impressed. Elsewhere, Aaryn tries the charm offensive. “You know it’s hard for me to act the way I’ve been acting, and being like, nice to everyone,” she tells Judd in the bathroom. “I feel like I should be acknowledged for that.” I kind of want to experience Aaryn’s POV, “Being John Malkovich”-style, just for a moment. Because her reality and mine simply do not overlap in the slightest.
9:11 p.m. Meanwhile, everyone realizes that GinaMarie is more than a little insane. Naturally, they think they way to have fun is to hide all of Nick’s stuff. We’re about to see the first mass murder in “Big Brother” history, aren’t we?
9:11 p.m. On cue, GinaMarie loses her damn fool mind upon realizing that Nick’s cup is missing. Look, her obsession with him is silly, but poking the wound this way is just awful. No one looks good in this scenario.
9:13 p.m. Back in the game play world, Jeremy promises to never go against Helen and Elissa again if he sticks around. Helen only will consider a deal if he changes his attitude. OH GOD MORE BABY OUTFITS? Helen is evil. “You give me one more week, and you have the rest of my game.” I think Jeremy just quoted a love song from the 1990’s.
9:20 p.m. Oh boy, the non-awkward live interviews! Always a highlight of the week. How are things in the house for Candice now? “In the spirit of forgiveness, we’re doing a lot better,” Candice lies. How difficult was it for Kaitlin to use the Power of Veto? “It was a difficult week, stuck between a rock and a hard place. But this too shall pass,” either referring to her romantic rockiness with Jeremy or her place in the pop culture landscape.
9:21 p.m. How difficult is it for Howard to balance his faith with playing the game? Howards states that while he’s had to lie in the past, his conscience is much clearer now. (It helps that he’s the worst liar in the house and always gets caught.)
9:22 p.m. Now we get a segment about what the parents of Amanda and McCrae think about their showmance. “That’s my boy!” says McCrae’s dad, seeing his son in bed with a woman on national television. Well, this is delightful. Where’s the acid for my eyes? “Amanda’s dated quite a bit,” says her mother, which is a nice way to essentially call her daughter a tramp. Everything about this segment is heartwarming.
9:28 p.m. Alright, it’s time for the live vote. And since Spencer hasn’t been seen at all, there’s no reason to think he’s in any danger. In any case, all three deliver their “save me” segments. “I’m a champion when I eat, sleep, and poop!” says Jeremy. LIVE TV EVERYONE! He seems to know what’s about to happen, fecal comments notwithstanding. Aaryn says she will respect whatever happens. Spencer thanks Dave Grohl, for some reason. Why not?
9:29 p.m. The votes go down like this:
Amanda: Jeremy (making it official that Jeremy's out)
9:36 p.m. Back from commercial, Julie finally delivers the news to the houseguests. As soon as hearing the vote was 9-1, Jeremy stands to say goodbye to everyone else. Some evictions are emotional. This one is fairly perfunctory. Kaitlin is a little upset, but probably won’t be blowing her nose into any of Jeremy’s clothes. In order to maintain drama, this episode was edited to make it look like there was the chance of a Helen/Jeremy alliance. In reality, everyone knew hours (if not days) ago how this would go down.
9:38 p.m. For the third straight week, Julie interviews a departing male contestant. Did Jeremy come in too cocky, asks Julie? He agrees, but insists that he’s leaving with his head held high. “Kaitlin kind of slowed me down, so I’m walking in one man but walking out another.” Julie seems taken aback by that comment, as is anyone that watched the show for more than five minutes. Jeremy thinks that his height and “amazing profile” made certain words and actions more intimidating than if they had come from another, smaller, punier contestant. I guess. I’m putting words in his mouth, but not THAT many words. (Basically, he comes off like that guy at the gym that grunts way too loud while lifting weights, even while professing that he’s matured in the past three weeks.)
9:41 p.m. As I suspected might happen, “Big Brother” has already changed the MVP rules. Now, instead of letting Elissa win every week, the show is letting the audience decide the third person up for eviction next week. The show had to do SOMETHING to keep this twist interesting, and I suppose this was the easiest fix.
9:49 p.m. Alright, time to crown a new Head Of Household. The game? “Big Brother Royalty”. America has selected players that best fit certain “royal” descriptions. For each name, two contestants will be offered up. Match the name, stay in the game! All categories in the game are listed below, with the correct answer in parenthesis.
“Earl Of Egotism”: Aaryn/Jessie (Aaryn)
“Lord Of Laziness”: Judd/McCrae (McCrae)
“Baron Of Boneheads”: Spencer/GinaMarie (GinaMarie)
“Knight Of Naughtiness”: Amanda/Kaitlin (Amanda)
“Duke Of Dork”: Andy/Helen (Andy)
“Sultan Of Sexy”: Elissa/Howard (Elissa)
9:54 p.m. After that, it’s down to a tiebreaker with McCrae, Kaitlin, and Judd. The question: how many gallons of milk would it take to fill the vats from the “Scary Dairy” competition? Judd ends up guessing the closest, and is your newest Head Of Household!
This might be the worst thing to happen to Judd: as someone who has laid low all season, he’s no longer able to play that game. If nothing else, those watching only the CBS
episodes might actually get to see him for more than thirty seconds per episode. So that’s something!
9:58 p.m. Julie greets everyone in the living room in the final moments of the show. She informs the players to “expect the unexpected”. PRETTY SNEAKY, JULIE.
Did the right person go home? Is become HoH a good or bad thing for Judd? Sound off below!