I have no clue what has happened on "Big Brother" in the past week, thanks to Time Warner Cable and CBS. 

From reading Liane's recaps, I know that Amanda, Spencer and Candice are on the block and from various bits of online scuttlebutt, I know that Amanda has basically gone crazy, while Spencer has continued his long run of variably horrifying comments that CBS is choosing not to air.

Whee!

And from last week, I remember that it's a double-elimination Thursday (August 8), with the regular vote, as well as the always-unsettling Week of "Big Brother" in an Hour wackiness.

Follow along! And forgive me if I lack the con text for certain things. Blame CBS and Time Warner.

9:01 p.m. ET. Let's boogie.

9:01 p.m. Disclaimer: The People On This Show Sucks. CBS is Really and Truly Embarrassed.

9:02 p.m. Clownitard! 

9:03 p.m. I'd love to see Julie Chen protest against these nasty hamsters by just showing up to work in sweatpants. She's pretty close tonight, just wearing slacks and a blouse, even covering her shoulders. That's how you know Julie doesn't care.

9:04 p.m. Candice may be the target, but might it be time for a blindside? "I've just gotta make sure I don't do anything to change everybody's mind," Spencer says. "I would love to get her the heck out of here," Candice says of Amanda, who decides it's time to play Nice Amanda. Nice Amanda begins by approaching Jessie and apologizing for a previous fight. "I don't buy her fake apology for one minute," Jessie says, expressing determination to boot The Orange One. Andy has a Final 4 deal with Judd, McCrae and Amanda. For her part, Amanda wants to be true to all of her alliance other than Judd, who she suspects of being the MVP.

9:07 p.m. "I'm not a threat in this game," says Clown Candice, who has a supporter in Elissa and in Jessie. Candice and Jessie say that Amanda is too much fun and too persuasive, which is actually the opposite of the argument that the show has been making for a while, isn't it? Jessie tells Helen that this is their opportunity to take out The Queen. But Helen, who thinks of herself as The Queen, needs to make sure she has everything in line. Jessie tries wooing Judd to shake up the game. "I have to cover all my bases," Judd admits. This consists of some awkward pecking with the still-showmance-crazed Jessie. Helen needs Andy on-board to boot Amanda and he protests that he trusts Amanda and McCrae. 

9:10 p.m. Helen tells Candice that she's open to making a deal, but says that she doesn't have the clout in the House to sway the votes. "When The House wants it, I'm ready to do it," Helen says, though she worries that she might be targeted if Amanda is gone.

9:12 p.m. Time to break the double-elimination news to the hamsters! But first, she's breaking the news that this season will have a nine-person Jury. So Candice, Spencer or Amanda will become the first member of the Jury. Everybody is excited. "Just because you're on the Jury doesn't necessarily mean you're out of the game," Julie teases. Nobody knows what to make of that.

9:13 p.m. Final pleas. Clown Candice references GinaMarie's "defamatory" comments, leading to a shouting match about GinaMarie living with her parents at 33. The shouting match is one of the most aggressive I've ever seen in a pre-elimination speech. I don't think you do that if you aren't 100 percent sure you're going home. Spencer thanks the Union Pacific Railroad, not knowing that he's almost certain not to have a job when he gets out of here. Amanda repeats her speech from last week.

9:15 p.m. The vote: McCrae votes to evict Candice. Aaryn votes to evict the only available minority, Candice. Helen votes to evict Candice. Jessie may want Amanda out, but she still votes to evict Candice. As she departs, she seems to indicate the vote to a visibly disappointed Elissa. "I don't want to this, but everyone else did," Elissa says. Andy votes to evict Candice. Judd votes to evict Candice. It's unanimous against our first Jury vote.

9:17 p.m. Julie warns us that because Candice is on the Jury, she won't be able to give her any news or feedback. Candice knew this was it. Several people are pleasant and gracious to her. GinaMarie runs off loudly to open the door for her. "Go back to your mom's house," Candice tells GinaMarie. "At least my mom likes me, not like yours," GinaMarie replies. Ick.

9:19 p.m. "Sorry about all that, Julie. You know. It gets rough," Candice apologizes. "That was some exchange," Julie says. Candice explains that she knew she was leaving and that the game got really tough and person this week. "That's the way that I was raised. I don't let people talk about me," says Candice, who calls herself a lovely person inside and out. Candice says she's here and not Amanda because she wasn't part of the core alliance, calling Amanda "a smart gameplayer." How hard was it for Candice to ignore the racism? "Racism is still very much prevalent in the United States today and it was inside the 'Big Brother' House," Candice says. "It was very difficult," she adds. 

9:21 p.m. Julie can't tell Candice anything else.

9:24 p.m. It's Head of Household time!

9:25 p.m. Sucks to be GinaMarie with this quick turnaround.

9:25 p.m. The game is Summer School. It's a quiz about "items and events that have taken place this summer." But they don't have to know much, just say "More" or "Less." Elissa goes out for not knowing that there are more than 14 airplane seats in the Have Not room. Andy and Jessie go out next. The number of black balls in the fireplace fails to eliminate anybody. By vaguely knowing the number of votes for Kaitlyn in a previous Veto competition, it's... AARYN who becomes the new Head of Household. This would be her third time in the HoH room, but she won't actually get to spend any time in there. Will she target Helen? Or will she have to find a non-minority to take out? Let's see!

9:31 p.m. I like CBS doing on-screen advertising for "The Crazy Ones" over deliberations in this house of crazy ones.

9:31 p.m. Aaryn is stressed out.  But she's made her decision and people are reassuring Spencer that he will be safe. "What do you want to do?" Andy asks. "I just want to do what's gonna cause the least amount of waves," Aaryn says. I have no clue why Andy is standing up for Spencer so enthusiastically.

9:32 p.m. Julie has one more surprise. The MVP Twist is officially over and we're returning to only two nominations per week. Does this make life easier for Aaryn? Jessie and Spencer are her choices.

9:37 p.m. Power of Veto time! Andy, Judd and Amanda were selected to play. This competition is called Nailed It. They have to collect six nails that fit into a puzzle in a specific way. Or somesuch. Yeah. I don't get the strategy of this at all. Oh. There are symbols on the various nails. And they're different lengths. With no real editing suspense, Aaryn wins. She's pretty much an unstoppable force of [hyperventilating, racist unemployed model] nature.

9:44 p.m. This initially seemed like it was going to be amusing. Then it ceased to be. I suspect that Jessie's going to be eliminated swiftly and nobody will care, because they love Spencer in all of his disgusting majesty.

9:45 p.m. Time for what is sure to be a thrilling Power of Veto ceremony. Jessie's just sitting by herself. Aaryn is freaking out and chugging water. Helen is telling Aaryn that she's amazing, which she's not. Amanda and McCrae are hugging and being pleased that whatever happens now will have no impact on them.

9:47 p.m. Aaryn decides to take Jessie on the block and puts Judd on the block! The studio audience is stunned, but Aaryn says that everybody in the House other than two told her she had to do it.

9:48 p.m. See? That was at least vaguely surprising. Or it was surprising to me. I'm sure that if I'd been watching the feeds, I wouldn't be surprised at all. Nothing surprises the people who watch the feeds. They're omniscient.

9:51 p.m. So it's down to Spencer and Judd. Final statements: Spencer asks them to keep him if there's room for him in any of their long-games. Judd is looking shocked and betrayed and says it's not too late and that he's loyal. "Not everything you hear is true. We all know that," he says.

9:53 p.m. The vote: Amanda votes to evict Judd, so McCrae votes to evict Judd. GinaMarie, crying, votes to evict Judd. IT'S NICK ALL OVER AGAIN. Andy, blubbering, votes to evict Judd. THIS IS HIS NICK! Helen glowers and votes to evict Judd. She says "Judd" with jazz-hands, so she's not too sad. Elissa votes to evict Judd and Jessie makes it unanimous. 

9:55 p.m. Judd has absolutely no clue what happened. He's bouncing up and down. He doesn't even have his stuff. There are hugs and tears aplenty, though he seems to be avoiding Elissa and Helen? GinaMarie and Andy are especially wrecked. "You are Janelle!" Helen reassures Aaryn. She's not. Aaryn is a pawn who has been surprisingly effective in challenges and not surprisingly ineffective at personal image management.

9:56 p.m. "I got the good-old blindside tonight," Judd says. "I don't know what happened," Judd says, suggesting maybe he shouldn't have trusted Amanda and McCrae as much as he should have, though he also says he would have been true to the Goof Troop.

9:58 p.m. In a house of disgusting hamsters, we lost two of the more reasonable hamsters tonight. So... Yay?

That's all, folks. Were you surprised by tonight's eliminations? And what does it do to the game that Candice and Judd are out?