When it comes to surveillance video, it's hard to get more disorienting than transitioning from a LiveStream in Ferguson, Missouri to CBS' voyeuristic "Big Brother" and it saddens me that that's what I find myself doing tonight.
Between this unfortunate media juxtaposition and some exhausting travel, I can't say that I'm all that involved with what's going down on Sunday's (August 17) "Big Brother," but the job is the job...
So let's watch what happens!
8:03 p.m. Oh right. Derrick and Frankie won Head of Household when we left things on Thursday. Interesting... "Big Brother" Voice-Over Man says that tonight will be the last Battle of the Block of the summer.
8:04 p.m. There are only eight people left in the House and Frankie notes that six of them are in his alliance, which means alliance-mates are going up on the Block. Caleb tells us that Victoria and Donny are the obvious targets, but Derrick may have something different in mind.
8:05 p.m. Donny unpacks his back from the previous eviction, but he knows he might just as well be repacking. On to more "important" things, Cody is cutting his own hair. Badly. Why is he doing that? Did he carve a part into his hair? Why not just shave your head, Cody? Members of the Detonators are already talking about a Block situation in which one of them will have to throw the Battle, which worked out spectacularly last week, eh?
8:07 p.m. The current strategy involves telling Victoria that she's not going on the Block this week. I don't understand this strategy or anything else that's happening. She's incredulous and goes around hugging everybody. Derrick and Frankie have a Deceased Grandfather Bond and they strategize that Frankie will be dethroned. This is all very, very complicated. They want Cody to go against Donny on the Block, because he hasn't been up before. This is so, so confusing.
8:10 p.m. Who wants to see Frankie & Derrick's HoH room? Meh. But I assume it can be entirely festooned with pictures of Ariana Grande. And, indeed, suddenly all of Frankie's pictures feature "smoke bomb" Ariana, who both Caleb and Zach want to mack on in absentia. Derrick's letter is from his wife. And Frankie's letter is from... Ariana, who really wants to tell him that she's opening the VMAs. I'm sure this is painfully tacky, but I'm no longer sure who is actually being tacky.
8:13 p.m. Derrick warns Donny that he's going up on the Block, but also tells him that Team America is his top alliance. And... Yeah. So much confusion.
8:18 p.m. Team America's mission is to hide articles of clothing and get the House to organize a Neighborhood Watch for 24 hours. "As a police officer, it's nice to be a thief for once," Derrick says. This seems like a fairly plausible mission. They talk about what needs to be stolen, important articles like Zach's Florida Gators shirt, Christine's glasses and Caleb's bunny slippers.
8:20 p.m. Frankie explains the situation to the six-person alliance: Donny and Victoria are the targets. Basically, somebody needs to go up with Donny and then throw the competition. Zach doesn't want to throw a competition at this point in the competition. Christine doesn't want to go on the Block. Cody thinks throwing a competition is hard. "This strategy meeting feels like an exercise in silence," Frankie laments. Zach is particularly self-conscious about his placement in the alliance. Caleb repeats multiple times that he has gone on the Block three times to help get other people out. They're going to draw Skittles to decide who's going on the Block? This is utterly absurd and Cody agrees. "Nominations are decided by the color of the rainbow?" Cody says. Christine's purple candy is drawn first to throw the competition, with Cody and Caleb drawing the other Block Skittles. Caleb is annoyed that he won't get to see Zach's loyalty. He trusts Zach as far as he can throw him, a distance Caleb estimates at three or four feet. Does the tossing distance vary based on how many bags of Skittles Zach has eaten?
8:31 p.m. It's late at night. "I'm way too exhausted for life right now," Victoria says, leaving Zankie alone to hug. "It's crazy how much I love this homosexual," Zach says. "Come out, come out," Frankie urges Zach, who wonders if loving somebody gay makes him gay, or something like that. And speaking of cuddle-buddies, Cody and Christine are spending a lot of time touching each other. Christine is married. Cody "will flirt with anybody with a pulse." Donny finds the whole thing surprising. We get lots and lots of flirting footage, which becomes extra perplexing because of Cody's changing hair in the different moments. "It's not her strategy to play with Cody's hair. She just wants to be touching Cody all the time," Zach suspects, while Christine figures that her husband will understand if she brings home 500K. And if she brings home a bag of Skittles?
8:33 p.m. Caleb wants Zach gone, which is exactly what Derrick needed to hear.
8:38 p.m. STEAL THINGS ALREADY... Nope. Even though it's Team America meeting in the HoH meeting, it's just Derrick explaining to Donny that he's the target and Frankie applying moisturizer or concealer or something. Donny isn't sure why his supposed allies keep referring to a "we" and "they" that have nothing to do with him. "Having my fate decided by color coated candy lets me know that I am expendable to the other members of Team America," Donny recognizes.
8:40 p.m. Nominations, Brought to You By Skittles. Derrick nominates Donny and Christine. Frankie nominated Caleb and Cody. Frankie explains that they're up because they've been teasing him with their "bubble buttocks" and "perky pecs," but also acknowledges the Power of Skittles. Everything hinges on Christine's ability to throw the challenge.
8:48 p.m. So nobody's stealing anything? On behalf of America, I'd rather watch Team America fulfilling its mission than this other stuff.
8:48 p.m. The Big Black Box is in the backyard. Teams will enter the box and try to find bones in the dark. They have to find five bones. Christine doesn't know what to do, but Donny refuses to give up. Inside the box, they're getting blasted with... something. And it's all being shot with green night vision and... After a week of watching Ferguson footage, I really can't watch this at all. If nothing else, this is an easy challenge for Christine to blow. Lots of talk about Caleb trying desperately to put his bone in a hole and... Nope. Best laid plans once again going astray, Donny finds four bones on his own, which is enough for him to realize that he isn't getting very much (any) help. Hilariously, for the second week in a row, the team that was supposed to throw the Battle of the Block won the Battle of the Block. Madness. "I feel amazing that I'm safe for the way. I know it's impolite to brag, but I feel like I won the Battle of the Block all by myself," Donny observes. Cody is displeased. And Derrick is dethroned. This is not as the Skittles foretold at all!
8:58 p.m. ZINGBOT!
Strange episode. Strange strategy. Strange days, indeed. I could really go for some Skittles...