'Glee' recap: 'Glease' is not a word
How low has "Glee" sunk? They're writing their own reviews.
"Three words: 'Grease.' McKinley. Bravo," raved some idiot from the McKinley High newspaper.
I've got two words for that: Yeah, right.
Anyone who asks for more after sitting through "Glease" is either insane, a self-loathing masochist or both. Either way they should be instantly committed to "American Horror Story: Asylum," which is what I'm going to go marathon to erase the atrocious waking nightmare that is "Glee" Season 4 from my mind as quickly as possible.
I didn't commit to recapping "Glee" because I hated it. So it's actually painful for me to write about a show that I once loved, have always at least really liked, and now completely despise. But that's how quickly things have changed for me and "Glee."
There was only scene I actually understood in the entire hour. And really it was just a simple dialogue exchange:
Kurt: "Apparently the girl playing Sandy has gained so much weight she can't fit into her clothes."
Rachel: "That's unfortunate, but it doesn't really have anything to do with us."
No, it doesn't. And it shouldn't have anything to do with "Glee" either. I have no interest in watching Kitty "Gaslight" Marley into a bout of bulimia. And I have even less interest in who Marley wants to date, or anything to do with Kitty, Ryder, Marley, Jake or Unique, period. I don't want to hear them sing, I don't want to watch them dance, I don't want to see them. And yet there they are, all over "Glee" like they own the place.
Meanwhile, the original cast members have been reduced to simpering idiots who mope around because of nonsensical breakups. Oh, and Sue is really pissed that Finn called her baby "retarded," which I'm pretty sure he only did because the writers wanted Sue to have another reason to be pissed off (like they ever needed an excuse before).
Look, I loved Santana singing "There Are Worse Things I Could Do" because Naya Rivera is amazing and I'm only human. But even when we got those weird extreme close-ups of Cory Monteith and Lea Michele imagining themselves in the "You're The One That I Want" number, and then Chris Colfer and Darren Criss and Harry Shum Jr. and Jenna Ushkowitz and Heather Morris and Naya Rivera were all there too, it wasn't a moving moment expressing the characters' mixed emotions over romantic separations. It wasn't a wistful callback to the glory days of "Glee." It was just a flat out depressing reminder that this show used to be fun and daring and different and crazy. And now it's not.
I know that it's so 2011 to declare you're breaking up with "Glee." And I thought we'd be OK. We made it through some really rough patches (even "Extraordinary Merry Christmas"!), but I'm not sure this relationship was really built to last.
At the moment, I can't remember what it was I ever liked about this show.
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Cast: John C. McGinley, Ice Cube, Nia Long, Aleisha Allen
1993 | Sports | PGSummary: Emotionally powerful sports classic featuring Sean Astin as a skinny high school kid with big football dreams and the determination to make his way towards his dream team at Notre Dame.Director: David Anspaugh
Cast: Sean Astin, Jon Favreau, Ned Beatty
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Cast: Pam Grier, Samuel L. Jackson, Robert Forster
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Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson, Anthony Mackie, Tony Shalhoub
1996 | Crime | RSummary: Jerry, a small-town Minnesota car salesman is bursting at the seams with debt... but he's got a plan. He's going to hire two thugs to kidnap his wife in a scheme to collect a hefty ransom from his wealthy father-in-law. It's going to be a snap and nobody's going to get hurt... until people start ...Director: Joel Coen, Ethan Coen
Cast: William H. Macy, Frances McDormand, Steve Buscemi, Peter Stormare
1995 | Mystery | NRSummary: Denzel Washington plays an out of work WWII vet who takes the wrong job and is soon neck-deep in a mess of politics, murder, and jazz in '40s Los Angeles.Director: Carl Franklin
Cast: Denzel Washington, Tom Sizemore, Jennifer Beals
2013 | Drama | RSummary: Leonardo DiCaprio and Jonah Hill have boundless energy in the story of a real-life commodities crook who earned millions through scummy small-time stock trades.Director: Martin Scorsese
Cast: Leonardo DiCaprio, Jonah Hill, Margot Robbie
2013 | Comedy | NRSummary: Insanely funny comedy show created by Amy Schumer, who stars in brilliantly funny sketches about sex, city living, dating, and friendship.Director: Daniel Powell, Amy Schumer (creators)
Cast: Amy Schumer, Kevin Kane, Mike Houston
2008 | Science Fiction | PGSummary: Animated series continues the story of Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker as they battle the Emperor Palpatine, Count Dooku and General Grievous, but also takes time to explore other smaller characters in the Star Wars universe.Director: George Lucas (creator)
Cast: Tom Kane, Dee Bradley Baker, Matt Lanter
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