'Big Brother' recap: Shane gets in the game with a controversial move
Ah, the house is in turmoil as the POV contest looms and Janelle faces the prospect of being the last judge to face losing a wee hamster. Really, it's a surprise that Janelle hasn't lost anyone yet, as her players are all such obvious floaters. Although everyone keeps talking about how Wil is physically capable of winning a physical challenge, I think this is only possible if Shane and Frank both break their legs and perhaps get electrocuted. Even Joe seems to have more of a chance, though he might suffer a massive coronary in the process. The guy really is like a walking "this is your heart on cholesterol" commercial. But I'll give the guy credit; he REALLY wants to play. Personally, I can't imagine why he wants to be surrounded by a bunch of whiny kids who spend all their time braiding hair and running up and down the stairs, but maybe his kids at home are just too mature or something.
We pick up where we left off last week, with Shane defending his decision. For some unknown reason he doesn't want to burn bridges with Boogie, which implies he thinks there's a bridge there, and it isn't riddled with holes and rigged with dynamite. Meanwhile, Joe is not happy about being on the block. When Joe is not happy about something, his face turns red and his volume goes up to 11, which really can't be fun for anybody. Joe is ANGRY and FRUSTRATED! He knows he's the biggest target in the house! Really? Maybe literally he's the biggest target. You couldn't miss him with a BB gun if you tried. Anyway, Ashley is also sad in her quiet, big-eyed, hippie-dippy way. She trusted Shane so much! Blink, flutter, blink!
Janelle is not prone to histrionics, however. She knows she just has to get to work. Boogie, meanwhile, is coasting on the enormous cloud that is his own ego. He thinks the job is getting too easy! He beat Janelle to the bunch again! I really, really want Boogie to be the first judge cast out of the house, preferably on his face.
Janelle and Britney talk, and it kind of reminds me of two girls running for prom queen and secretly hoping the other comes down with food poisoning. Britney didn’t know! Janelle is still willing to work with her! Hugs! Kisses! Let's be besties for an hour! Janelle asks Britney if Shane khows dangerous Boogie is. Britney, who can only maintain the prom princess persona for so long before she starts spitting venom, points out that Shane probably doesn’t trust Janelle because she ditched Team Brit for, yes, BOOGIE! So the question is really, does Janelle know how dangerous Boogie is? Janelle smiles. Britney smiles. And the temperature in the room drops by about ten degrees.
But Janelle isn't giving up easy, and I can see why she's a coach. She gently informs Britney Frank needs to go. Britney tells her to play the POV, i.e., your problem, not mine! Still, Britney must be listening a little bit, because she says she's going to keep Janelle in her back pocket, even though she’s not buying anything Janelle is selling.
Britney thinks she and Shane still have the option of backdooring Frank. I'm not sure Shane is willing to turn on his new best friend in the house… wait, what am I saying? Shane has been nothing but "every man for himself" since day one! I'm waiting for him to throw Danielle under the wheels of a speeding train the moment it's physically possible, which would be tantamount to killing a kitten or a Pomeranian. Shane may be tan and halfway handsome by the standards of the house (which, with Boogie roaming around in there, are passably low), but hey, so was Ted Bundy at one point.
Janelle tries to rally her stubborn, inept troops. This is like watching Patton try to fire up the Kardashians to clean their own rooms. Wil and Ashley don’t want to kiss ass. Janelle tells him they need to make Shane feel safe. Joe thinks she’s giving advice about love and butterflies, but he wants to tell Shane he hates him. Oh, Joe. It’s a GAME. Think STRATEGY. Janelle would be entirely justified in trading each one of them in for a box of cereal or some decent shoes, really.
Janelle urges Joe to think about puppydogs, rainbows and children as he goes to Shane. I still think Joe might kill him.
Joe starts out sounding relatively sane. He tells Shane he would have done the exact same thing in his shoes, but he wants to work with him. Shane tells him he should have realized that two weeks ago. Geez, Shane, don’t be a jerk. Joe thinks Shane has to learn some manners, and he isn’t wrong.
But then, Joe starts melting down. This SUCKS! He’s MAD! He is turning red and sweaty, and he reminds me of that blueberry chick in "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory." If he explodes all over the place, I'm pretty sure the other hamsters have a case for getting extra money.
Shane is wearing a girl’s pink tank top in the interview room and I cannot concentrate on a word he’s saying. Did he lose a bet or something? Seriously, I think I saw that on a rack at Forever 21.
Joe says, very loudly, that they’ll have to send him to the hospital if he doesn’t win the POV tomorrow. I think they'll have to send him to the hospital.
Time to pick players for the veto competition! Shane picks first. He draws… Danielle. Ashley chooses Wil. She’s so happy! They hug! They're besties! Janelle thinks this is good news, as all of her players will be playing. The bad news is that none of her players have a shot at winning anything, ever. Joe picks… Frank. Joe is not happy, but Joe is never happy. The host will be Jenn.
It’s a circus challenge, complete with popcorn and cotton candy. Ian thinks that because he can kick himself in the face, he can be in the circus. No comment. The competing hamsters must wear clown pants and clownish tank tops (though none quite as clownish as Shane's pink top). Britney can’t understand why Frank is the only one in a Bozo wig. Because he has curly, red hair. Wacka-wacka.
Each clown must roll two balls at a time without letting a ball hit the ground. The player who keeps a ball off the ground the longest is the winner.
Frank is only worried about Joe or Wil winning. He isn’t worried about Ashley, apparently. Or at least he isn't worried that Ashley will save herself, because she'll think the POV amulet is so pretty she may wander into a wall and miss the meeting or something.
Ashley’s strategy is the gentle push, which is not the most creative name for gently pushing the ball. Wil wants to prove he’s a player in this game, so he promptly loses. Next, Joe blows it. Maybe that gentle push idea is better than we thought. Then, Frank is out. Then, Danielle. It’s down to Shane and Ashley. Yes, Ashley. So, suck it, Frank!
Then Ashley drops the ball, and Shane wins.
Joe is frustrated with himself. He knows he now has to bow down to Shane. And, apparently, call the hospital, as he lost. Frank thinks this is great, because Shane’s target is now bigger plus he has a deal with him. Again, Janelle isn’t worried – she just needs to go to work. If Janelle pulls this off, I will be awfully impressed.
Britney and Shane take a moment to gloat. It's time for Janelle to suffer! All her players do is make up songs, braid hair and cook! Britney does a killer Joe imitation, then notes that she wants to get Joe’s recipes before he leaves. Again, if Janelle can turn this around, I will be really, really impressed.
But there Janelle is, beating the drum for Frank. Her players can’t win anything! It would be silly for Shane to oust such a bunch of goobers! Britney points out that those goobers aren't exactly sucking up to Shane. But, as if on cue (thank you, "Big Brother editors!) they start tricking in -- first Wil, then Ashley. Patton somehow rallied the Kardashians after all.
Janelle offers the loyalty of her players. She promises to be true -- she even offers her wedding ring and some Chanel earrings for 3 weeks. If her players break their promise to Shane, Shane (or Britney) can keep them all. Shane and Britney refuse to accept the jewelry, but that offer apparently gets to both of them. This happened before in the "Big Brother" house, didn't it?
Finally, Janelle practically pushes Joe upstairs to plead for mercy. Joe, doing his best not to RAISE THE VOLUME and turn red, offers Shane his eternal loyalty. He left his wife with four kids for three months to let them live a dream, so he’s willing to beg. This was his dream? To be locked in a studio set with a bunch of lunatics? Dream bigger, Joe. Still, Shane knows Joe's a manipulator. But he asks Joe if he’d take out his own team out of loyalty to Shane. Joe quickly agrees. I'm not sure if this proves he's loyal or just desperate, but it seems to work for Shane.
Time for the sushi party! Boogie has been craving sushi, as he owns a sushi restaurant in L.A. Danielle has never eaten sushi before! I am not surprised at all. She calls the edamame "those pea things." Shane tells her where to find the forks. Someone give her some Twinkies or a Lean Cuisine and pass the sushi on to someone who'll appreciate it!
Wil is celebrating his birthday, so even though he isn't having a sushi party, he's going to have fun! By wearing a Speedo and a captain’s hat while dancing! This is the challenge Wil could win -- dancing in a Speedo. Maybe.
After the sushi dinner, the whole house comes together for a rousing game of Spin the Bottle. Janelle kisses Jenn and Ian kisses Ashley. Ian realizes Ashley recoils in disgust, but he doesn't mind. She's still the hottest girl he's ever kissed. Ian is one step away from being so pathetic Ashley makes out with him out of pity. It could happen. The bigger deal is Danielle kisses Shane. She doesn't know how it was! It was so fast! She was unprepared! Shane declares it good, so Danielle can rest easy. He'll let her kiss him again.
Britney talks game with Ian, who seems not to know of this game of which she speaks. She asks him if he'd put up Shane next week, on the entirely unlikely chance he won HOH. His answer? "Not a foreseeable circumstance." Britney presses, and Ian says "not a foreseeable circumstance." Ian claims to have watched EVERY EPISODE OF THIS SHOW EVER, and yet this is his version of playing the game? Britney thinks he's an idiot and promptly tells Shane that Ian is untrustworthy -- and, worse, that Ian is probably parroting Boogie's idea. Shane doesn’t trust Boogie. Shane wonders if it’s time to backdoor Frank. And just like that, Ian has unintentionally thrown a massive wrench into the game. Janelle offers her damn wedding ring and it isn't as effective as Ian being an idiot. Go figure.
Shane talks cryptically to Frank, throwing out voting scenarios that he's considering. Britney has to bust up this little tete a tete, as she's suddenly on board with the idea of backdooring Frank. Janelle really has pulled the strings, and I am really, really impressed. Ian won’t commit because Boogie hasn’t told him what to do, Frank explains. This is entirely possible, honestly, but Britney and Shane seem to think Ian is less of an idiot than he appears to be.
Frank spins plates, trying to save himself. Maybe Shane can put up Ian? Shane nods. I don't think Shane sees any advantage in getting rid of the guy who can kick himself in the head, though.
Time for the POV. Ashley and Joe can beg for mercy. Ashley respects Shane’s integrity, which is almost funny except she seems to be sincere about this. Joe talks about the President of the United States, and how all great presidents use the power of veto. Instead of laughing at how ridiculous to compare a game show to the political process, Shane intones, "Well said." Heavy hangs the neck that wears the POV, I guess.
Shane reveals his decision. He saves… Ashley? And he nominates… Frank. Woof! Not entirely unexpected, but Janelle is THRILLED. She pulled one over on Shane and Britney! And she's right -- it's never over until it's over. Which also means I'm not necessarily expecting Frank to go.
Meanwhile, Boogie is super annoyed! What's with all these people actually PLAYING when he wants them to lay down and DIE? I'm really hoping the coaches come into the game -- just so someone can push Boogie out the damn door.
Do you agree with Shane's decision? Who do you think is going home? What did you think of Janelle's jewelry offer?