Ian Somerhalder and Paul Wesley of 'The Vampire Diaries'
Credit: The CW
Oh, my. In the very last episode of 2009 before “The Vampire Diaries” takes an agonizing two month hiatus, we get threats, walk-offs, and bloody moments galore – along with some very tantalizing hints at supernatural events to come. Can you say, werewolf? Mystery vampire? How about Stefan and Elena finally hooking up, or the sight of BOTH Salvatore brothers shirtless? Dig in, folks. You’re gonna want to re-watch this one.
[Full recap of Thursday (Nov. 19) night's "The Vampire Diaries" after the break...]
It's the "Project Runway" finale! Yay! And Carol Hannah is puking her guts out two days out from Bryant Park. Um, yuck. The thing is, I so want Carol Hannah to win for two simple reasons. One, she makes cute dresses that reflect her cute personality and two, it would make Meana Irina so stinking mad she'd crap herself, and I'd pay to see that on television. But I have a sinking feeling this is Meana Irina's contest to lose, and I don't see her choking in the clutch.
[Full recap of Thursday (Nov. 19) night's "Project Runway," including this season's winner, after the break...]
Pre-credit sequence. If I'd ever known who Kelly was, I'm sure I'd miss her. It's Night 24 over at Aiga and Russell is pleased, gloating. "My work is done. It's like a painting. Like a Picasso," He promises that they're going to write him a check for a million dollars for this. "That was almost as great as my kids being born," Russell announces, continuing the hubris. Monica, though, isn't nearly as impressed. Ditto with Laura, who calls Russell a snake. He's not a snake. He's just smarter than you, Laura. Shambo and Russell are all a-giggle. Shambo thinks that only two people had a clue what was coming. She's nearly as clueless as Laura, since Jaison and MickDreamy were also in the loop. There's a whole lot of obnoxiousness going on and we haven't even had a commercial yet.
It truly is “New Moon” week, as Kristen Stewart’s ever-present “I’m gonna throw up” facial expression in the “Twilight” films seemed to serve as an inspiration to the characaters on this weeks “Glee.”
“Ballad,” aired last night (Nov. 18) was chock full of uncomfortable, scary and downright barf-worthy moments, as Rachel developed a flash crush on Mr. Schuester, Finn gets caught singing to a sonogram by his mom, Kurt tries to reveal his “Endless Love” for Finn, and Quinn and Finn come clean about her pregnancy to her parents.
Mr. Schuester wants to prep Glee for sectionals by having them learn ballads, so he randomly pairs everyone up with singing partners, with the unfortunate fortune that puts Rachel with him. She goes from zero to stalker in about 15 minutes, but little does she know that Schue has dealt with schoolgirl crushes before. The worst of them was Suzy Pepper, who tried to kill herself with, well, a really hot pepper, upon discovering her love for Mr. Schuester was unrequited. After years of psychotherapy and “an esophagus transplant,” she makes a cameo to warn Rachel that her unrealistic crush on someone as unattainable as her own teacher was just a sign of poor self-esteem.
Realizing the err o’ her ways (even after an attempt of 1998 Jennifer Paige single "Crush") Rachel apologizes to Schue for behaving like she did and references Elton John’s 1976 ballad “Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word” – a sweet idea, except that the lyrics to that track are still, well, a little Dr. Stalky.
We were kind of hoping for a Suzy song number (Patsy Cline’s “Crazy,” perhaps), but alas, she only gets to rock Extreme’s “More than Words” on her way to imminent death.
At Kurt’s urging, Finn gets in touch with his feelings about his unborn child, which in turn spurs him to tell Quinn’s parents about the pregnancy when he’s invited to dinner. The ex-Cheerio’s mom already had her suspicions, though, when Quinn’s Chastity Ball gown (really?) wouldn’t zip up like it should. Still, mom showed no defense for her daughter when dad flew off the rails, disowned Quinn and kicked her out of the house.
Oh, if only Finn had devised a song, instead, about the dubious means by which he “impregnated” Quinn (pre-ejaculation swimming in a hot tub all the way to Quinn’s uterus? Let’s step up the sex-ed, Ohio), then he and the Quinn Parentals would have a good laugh – while Quinn would still be kicked out of the house and into the loving arms of the real swimmers-giver, Puck. Instead, she’s able to stay at Finn’s, as his widowed mom invites her to “stay as long as you want.”
Finn gave us our new “out” line when he’s calling Kurt in the bathroom (“I have to go, they’ll think I’m pooping”), and we appreciate the Billboard chart ref, “If we were gonna rank crush-worthy teachers at the school, you’d be number one with a bullet,” from guidance counselor Emma.
The band poster over Finn’s bed was for Dashboard Confessional headlining Thrice opening, a tour that occurred in 2004. That puts Finn five years younger when he went… good thing that was an all-ages stint.
Kudos to writers, too, for correctly aligning "pop" with Ohio in the great soda v. pop debate.
We get a song early on in the ep as Rachel shows the class how a ballad is done. The natural go-to is this track, sung originally in 1981 by Diana Ross and Lionel Richie. It was a theme to a movie starring Brooke Shields, but also had its cheesiness mocked in Adam Sandler's "Happy Gilmore." ("Friends listen to 'Endless Love' in the dark!")
A fun side note: "Endless Love" was only the second-biggest single that year, while Olivia Newton-John's "Physical" beat them out. That singer rears her head at the end of this episode, when Kurt tries to tell Finn that he's in love with him, saying that he's chosen the Oli-ballad "I Honestly Love You" (released in 1974).
We dedicate this slow dance to you, Kurt and Finn!
"I'll Stand By You"
(13:05 in full episode below.)
Kurt blames all of Finn's problems on girls shortly before suggesting Finn sing a song to his unborn child, "I'll Stand By You" by the Pretenders. The words flow as he gently caresses his computer, which is playing the sonogram of his unborn daughter. Mom catches him, or "catches" him, he tells all.
This track isn't nearly as vintage as Diana and Elton, as it was released in 1994, but still it was that band's biggest hit. I think I remember bandleader Chrissie Hyde taking care of sick dude in the music video released back then, but damn if I can't find the thing in the internet ether...
"Don't Stand So Close To Me"/"Young Girl"
Trying to ward off Rachel's love, Schue sings a mash-up of two "you're too young for me" songs. She ends up misinterpretting the message nonetheless.
The former, done by The Police, was a cautionary tale of a teacher getting involved with his "young subject" who has a crush on him, inspired in part by "that famous book by Nabakov," "Lolita."
The latter was done at the end of the '60s by Gary Puckett & the Union Gap. It, too, only made it to No. 2 on the Hot 100 chart, bless its heart. "Young Girl, get out of my mind / My love for you is way out of line" is a little off-message for this purpose, but Rachel wasn't gonna get the point, regardless.
"(You're Having) My Baby"
This simultaneously horrendous and sentimental number was sung by Finn to Quinn's parents to send 'em a message, and was penned and performed by Paul Anka, a duet with Odia Coates. It was released in 1974.
Oh man, who hasn't used this song. There's no other that quite conveys the group jam mentality as this 1972 Bill Withers classic. The Glee club sings this one to Finn and Quinn to show them their support through this difficult time, with another Mercedes/Artie pair-off. A little forced in this episode, but if there ever was a show that's a driver for a track like this, it's "Glee."
It evokes, too, another school scene that used the tune: in the Morgan Freeman-starring 1989 film by the same name. If you don't get goosebumps watching it in its context, you have no heart. Maybe Mr. Schuester's arch nemesis Sue could use a little "Lean on Me."
Here it is! The tiny final episode in this wee cycle of America’s Short Top Model! In one corner, standing short feet, short inches is Laura, aka the Castrator, and in the other, Nicole, the stealth contender with the killer monotone!
Yes, it’s Cat Deeley’s least favorite day of the week – elimination Wednesday. And I’ll admit, it’s not my favorite either, in part because the people I think should go home (Mollee, Nathan, ahem) never seem to get kicked to the curb. But hope springs eternal, as there were some pretty stinky performances (and some pretty amazing ones as well) last night, so you’ve got to think eventually justice will reign. Right? Right?
"A Bright New Day" is half snooze, half actual plot momentum, as though the producers of "V" realized about midway through that, hey, this is a show about alien warfare they're building here, so everyone involved might as well get down to fightin' some aliens. With all of the ABC "Lost"-alikes this season, it often seems like the network really truly thinks that what made "Lost" such a popular show with so many people was its sense of dramatic portent, those scenes when the characters stared ominously into the distance as ominous music played and ominous birds made ominous noises off in the ominous distance. But that's not why it was at all! "Lost" is a really fun show, and it has a great sense of how to balance out its ability to be portentious with its ability to have, like, Hurley drive a van through some Others. So far, "V" and "FlashForward" haven't quite figured this out yet, but at least there were indications "V" knows the direction to head in in this episode.
But the bad thing is that all involved with "V" apparently think the best way to go about a show about killin' those damned aliens is by turning it into a police procedural. Tonight, there's a death threat against the V's, so, naturally, they turn to Elizabeth Mitchell's Erica because a.) the V's don't have security measures of their own and b.) Erica's the only woman for the job and c.) No one's apparently realized that she was Dale's partner, and maybe the fact that he died and was with her at the resistance meeting where he died doesn't raise any alarms for the V's, who mostly seem concerned with making sure they're pleasing all of the people all of the time at this stage of their mysterious plan. (To the show's credit, at least Erica and Joel Gretsch's Jack vocalized some of our questions about what's going on, like why the V's don't just blast us all to kingdom come and then take our kangaroos or whatever it is they're here for.)
[More on Tuesday (Nov. 17) night's "V" after the break...]
Well, we’re down to the final 14, and I can’t believe we’re already to the point in the competition where everyone’s so darn good you’re sorry to see anyone go home... wait, Kathryn’s still here... and oh yeah, Mollee and Nathan are still stinking up the joint, so scratch that thought altogether. Would all of you Twitards who are keeping them in the competition go see “New Moon” and stop voting for a minute? I know Nathan’s cute and you want to be Mollee’s giggle buddy, but really, they can’t even get through the show intro without screwing up.
For weeks, “Heroes” fans have patiently awaited an explanation for Samuel’s recruitment process and his ultimate goal. In tonight’s episode, “Brother’s Keeper,” they finally got their answer. Did it satisfy? As with all things about the “Redemption” volume, yes and no. While the answer more or less proved organic in the context of what we’ve seen so far, it’s unclear if that answer is anything more than the histrionic desire for POWER. Sweet, delicious, augmented POWER!
[Full recap of Monday (Nov. 16) night's "Heroes" after the break...]
I don't like non-elimination legs on "The Amazing Race." Well, sure, I'd have gladly taken a non-elimination leg when poor Team Aspy lost their documents and went from first-to-last in an instant. And I guess I wouldn't have turned the reprieve down any of the two or three times in the past that non-elimination legs have saved teams that I genuinely liked. But in general? I'm not a fan.
One thing I know for sure, though, after Sunday (Nov. 15) night's "Amazing Race," is that it's time for the show's producers to rethink the added obstacle faced by the teams surviving non-elimination legs. Because this Speed Bump thing has become a total failure.