Final five, bitches! Alexandra is ready to flatten some skinny competition! Jessica is ready to use her face to fierce it up! Krista is on a “high high” after being picked first last week! Octomom, I mean Angelea, is starting to show her jealous stripes with onetime friend Krista.
9:01 p.m. Wait. Did Ryan Seacrest just sign up for FourSquare one minute before the start of a Wednesday (May 5) "American Idol" results show? That's what his Twitter account seems to be indicating. [Note: I follow Seacrest on Twitter because every once in a while he tells me important things like when he saved the season by heroically rescuing Crystal Bowersox from her insecurities. He, however, does not follow me. You suck, Seacrest! No, I kid. A little. Maybe.]
9:02 p.m. Yes, Feliz Cinco de Mayo to you as well, Ryan.
9:02 p.m. Ryan says that 32 million votes were cast last night. That number isn't going up, Ryan. You may wanna stop mentioning it. It only exposes the show's overall decline, since it isn't hard to go back and check out voting totals from past seasons.
[Full recap of Wednesday's "American Idol" results after the break...]
You know it's going to be a packed episode when there's no time for a "previously on" montage at the start of the show.
My entire Twitter reaction to tonight's episode: "Oh, my. OH, MY. You hear me, 'Lost'? I SAID OH, MY."
The show started cold this week with Locke in TIMELINE A waking up in recovery after being operated on to repair the damage done when Desmond ran him down. The first thing Locke sees after waking up is Jack, who wants to discuss the emergency surgery with him and to inform him that there's a good chance another surgery might restore his ability to walk. "You're a candidate," he tells him, and Jack's excited to share the news, which makes it more confusing when Locke tells him that he doesn't want any more help from Jack.
Helen shows up, emotional about Locke's close call, and she starts to profusely thank Jack for saving Locke. As she does, we jump to TIMELINE B, where Jack wakes up on Hydra Island, having been saved in this timeline by AlternaLocke and Sayid.
Meanwhile, in Widmore's camp, the rest of the Lostaways are being herded into the polar bear cages, and Sawyer decides he's not getting back in one of those cages, no matter what. He snatches the gun away from Babyface and tells him he's not doing it. Widmore walks out and puts a gun to Kate's head. When Sawyer tries to call Widmore's bluff, Widmore explains, "I have a list of four names. Kate Austin is not on it." That does it. Sawyer backs down. As they're all being locked into the polar bear cages, Widmore asks his people about the fence and when it will be ready. They tell him it'll be about an hour. "We haven't got an hour," Widmore responds. "He's coming."
Indeed he is.
At least they didn't take the easy route and cover Joan Jett.
In the aptly named episode "Bad Reputation," everyone's got one -- or if they don't, they're desperately trying to get one. Unless they're Will Shuester, whose about to get what's coming to him for getting cozy with both Elphaba AND Galinda in the span of two weeks. But look who else is triple teaming her dating profile -- Miss Rachel Berry, who gives those Puckleberry fans something to coo about and puts those Broadway-ready emotional facial muscles to good use in one of the better finale numbers in recent memory!
But the real unsung heroes of Episode 17 of "Glee?" They're names are Olivia. Vanilla. Stanley Kirk Burrell. And the indomitable Miss Bonnie Tyler. Let these names not be left behind in the annals of pop culture… even if music in the '80s and early '90s did kind of suck.
[Full recap of Tuesday (May 5) night's "Glee" after the break...]
So, yeah, "V" kind of headed in a direction that felt vaguely interesting as it opened tonight's episode. I was down with the idea that we were being dropped into the story in medias res. I didn't need to learn just why the Fifth Column members were taking out a V shuttle. I knew that because I'd WATCHED THE SHOW BEFORE. And while the promos for the episode completely spoiled the big twist here - the shuttle was full of HUMANS - I still liked the way the series stuck with the characters as they realized they'd become everything they least wanted to be. If they didn't value human life, what made them any better than the V's? It's a provocative question to build an episode around, and it suggested that the series might be willing to dabble in philosophical weight given enough time.
But then the episode brought up the text "12 Hours Earlier," and I groaned.
[Full recap of Tuesday's (May 4) "V" after the break...]
Once upon a time, "American Idol" used to shift from single performances to doubles when the contestants reached the Top 5. That meant 10 performances and "American Idol" used to magically do that in an hour. Unbelievable, right?
On Tuesday (May 4) night, "American Idol" could only find time for five performances in 61 minutes. And how could you possibly do more when you have two clip packages -- one for mentor Harry Connick Jr. and one for Frank Sinatra, whose songs made up the night's theme -- and a five minute filler conversation, plus one commercial break before the first song?
Credit is due to Connick, who arranged the Sinatra songs specially for the Top 5, brought along several representatives from his band and even joined them himself on the piano and organ. At least that guy was a committed mentor.
But did his efforts pay off? Or did the "Idol" singers turn me into the Chairman of the Bored?
I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that the final run of episodes on “24” feel no more or less urgent than…well, any other episode of “24.” At its best, the show has built upon its long history to give both context and weight to the overall proceedings. Even in its shaky seventh season, the Big Bads has a history with the show going back several years. But this year, even with the insertion of figures like Charles Logan, feels self-contained. Even if the show wasn’t aware this would be the last season at the outset, there’s just no sense that the show’s total run has led up to this current state of affairs. It’s just another (admittedly awful) day in the life of Jack Bauer. No more, no less. It’s not bad, but it could have been so much more.
But less about what might have been and more about what actually is. Let’s see what went down tonight.
[Full recap of Monday's (May 3) "24" after the break...]
There was a time when you just didn't kill a regular cast member on a television series. Major TV deaths were so few and far between that the ones that did exist - Henry Blake's plane being shot down over the Sea of Japan or Rosalind plunging down the elevator shaft - became weirdly legendary. Then, about ten years ago or so (I'd place it to roughly the death of Big Pussy on "The Sopranos"), killing off characters because just a Thing You Did if you wanted to be taken seriously as an Important Drama Series.
[Full recap of Sunday's (May 2) "Breaking Bad" after the break...]