Recapping Television's Hottest Shows with Monkeys as Critics
The losers can't contain their malice as mattresses and hamsters flip
Holy crap -- did they actually put up a disclaimer before the show started? "Just FYI, we at CBS aren't racist, homophobic pigs, even though we cast people who are for our TV show! Sorry!" Maybe Aaryn goes on yet another tear, or maybe the nasty comments of the other racist/homophobic hamsters are included in this episode. Really, they could create a voting block. It's what, five hamsters who've said utterly disgusting things? While I'm glad CBS is no longer ignoring the issue in the primetime show (it would be hard to do at this point), it does make this show a lot less fun than it's been in previous seasons.
But let's move on. Although "Big Brother" is housing scumbags on the CBS lot, I still regret having lost faith in the show. It really seemed that the Moving Company was on a path of total domination, so can you blame me? Even though the girls in the house had started to catch on, offing Nick required breaking that secret alliance. It was certainly too strong (until it wasn't), right? But I repent, "Big Brother." I will forevermore trust Julie Chen when she says I must expect the unexpected. Well, until "the unexpected" is a new way to splatter paint and goo on the hamsters.
Will The Moving Company keep Nick safe? Or is there a shocker in store?
Hey gang. It's Dan. It's Elimination Thursday and the people who monitor the feeds swear that there's excitement ahead.
I hope so!
If Elissa goes home tonight on "Big Brother" it'll be one of the worst pieces of gameplay in "Big Brother" history. Perhaps even in reality TV history.
With the MVP, the producers have given her more power than any "BB" houseguest has ever had, since apparently Elissa's sister's fans are so insane that they're willing to vote for Elissa despite getting no indication that she has any kind of strategic acumen at all. Elissa's being targeted because she's a threat, but how is she not using this MVP nonsense to her advantage?
If I'm her, I'm going at least seven or eight of the remaining hamsters and saying, "Look, I've been MVP two straight weeks and you're viewing that as bad. You think you can vote me out and maybe you'll get to be MVP. Guess what? That's true. But chances are, you won't be. Chances are good that whoever is MVP will be someone who doesn't like you, somebody who will put you up. So here's my deal: Keep me here and I won't put you up and I won't backdoor you. That's a guarantee. You won't get a better offer. Keeping me, means you don't have to worry about the MVP and you can just play the game." I don't know if that'll work late in the game, but it sure as heck should work this early.
We'll see how things go down after the break...
The Moving Company has conflict, but they may not crumble
I'm torn between feeling respect for the Moving Company on the one hand and wanting to throw rocks at their heads on the other. That they've so easily taken control of the house, and no one except Candice (and her super duper snooper skills) has sussed it out is impressive, but ultimately depressing. Any time an alliance becomes this powerful this early, it makes for a boring show as we wait for the inevitable to come to pass. Unless the show producers interfere (which they shouldn't), I fear this season will just lope predictably to its finish, when the five guys stand together, snickering over their excellent game play.
CBS airs footage of one of the hamsters making crude jokes
I was initially reluctant to jump on the "Big Brother" hater train. When cameras are following you around 24/7, it's almost guaranteed you're going to be caught saying something stupid. When you're under constant stress and your "job" is essentially stabbing other people in the back, you're also likely to say something stupid and possibly hateful. I can even see how something said sarcastically could be taken literally. Given that the hamsters are mostly stupid kids, I hate to judge too quickly (reality TV housewives, though, are a different matter).
Who would be this season's first contestant to meet Julie Chen?
Hi all! Dan here. I'll be doing the "Big Brother" results shows this season. Wednesday tonight and then Thursday for the rest of the summer.
OK, since you asked, here's my problem with "Big Brother," hamster bigotry, live feeds and CBS:
The people passing around petitions trying to get various houseguests removed from the show are silly. Unless Aaryn wins the prize, "Big Brother" is doing far more harm than good for the smoking hot, xenophobic homophobe. She's been fired by her modeling company and she will return to a world in which most reasonable people know that she's disgusting and ignorant. For the rest of her life, when future employers Google her, guess what will come up? Exactly. And it's not like she's espousing reasonable conservative-leaning positions on things. She's just a bigot. So that'll be hard to defend going forward. Ditto with the rest of the stupidity spewing from the various hamsters. [This is me being naive, I understand. CBS not only covered up Jeff Schroeder's gay slurs, but they employed him again on both "Big Brother" and then "The Amazing Race" and only a few disgruntled people said a word. I like to believe there's a paper trail. I fear it's not as easy to follow as it should be.]
What bothers me, though, is actually on a practical game-play level. Various hamsters are saying nasty things, but they're only being heard on the live-feed. If you watched only the "Big Brother" telecast, you'd think the hamsters were dumb -- M-O-O-N, as Dave would spell it -- but I wouldn't have any idea that they were also just fundamentally bad people, many of them. And CBS' condemnation of what's being said
is, of course, comically inadequate and disingenuous. Fine. But CBS and "Big Brother" have added a twist this year in which America is voting for a weekly MVP and that MVP has an awful lot of power in the House. And since most of America doesn't watch live-feeds or read blogs or other stuff, most of America is voting based on a sample that is skewed by CBS' editing. Editing always will shape out perception of "real" people on reality shows, but in this case, CBS and the "Big Brother" editors are actively impacting the results of the show. America is voting on the MVP because of a perception of the hamsters based on editing decisions and if they're not being given full information on the hamsters they're voting for, their vote and, by extension, the results of the show have been permanently manipulated. If one of the bigots wins this season and an MVP-related decision leads to the eviction of any of the few acceptable houseguests, I'd get out and sue CBS and "Big Brother" promptly for playing a direct role, through editing, in a competition they claim isn't rigged.
With that rant out of the way... I'll be recapping Wednesday's results in my usual live-blog form after the break...
Elissa thinks she's made a friend, but McCrae stabs her in the back
So, one thing we do know about tonight's episode is we won't be seeing all the racist, homophobic, crappy things the hamsters are saying on the life feed. This is probably for the best, as we don't want to make knee jerk judgments against hamsters because they're making knee jerk judgments. The good news is that for some of the hamsters, their ignorance isn't simply limited to ridiculous and random hatred based on skin color and sexual orientation. No, some of these people can't spell. At all. For that, we can roll our eyes at the very least.
The Have Nots get what may be the worst room ever
Showmances start to blossom tonight! Julie Chen said so, so you know it's the truth. I'm pretty sure one of the showmances has to involve David, as he isn't about to let his extremely poofy hair go to waste.
Sidebar: McCrae looks better dripping wet after being splattered with paint than he does dry and fluffy, honestly. That hair really isn't working for him, Secret Tech Giant or whatever the hell he is. I really can't imagine he's simply a pizza guy.
Ex-porn stars, Bill Hader's farewell, Christoph Waltz as Djesus, and more
Last week, HitFix broke down the worst ten moments
of the thirty-eighth season of “Saturday Night Live
.” This week, we’re ending on a high note by looking at the absolute best of the past year. While this wasn’t a strong season on the whole, there were still plenty of amazing moments strewn throughout. Some of what follows are
individual sketches. Some are overall trends. All represent “SNL
” operating at its peak.
Check out our picks for the ten best here:
We’ll reveal the ten best next week
With the thirty-eighth season of “Saturday Night Live” in the books, it’s time to look back at the highlights as well as lowlights of the season that was. These represent not just the best/worst sketches, but also moments/trends throughout the season. This should help present a better picture of the show as it recharges its batteries over the summer months. Today, we’ll be looking at the ten worst things about this season. Next week, we’ll look at the ten best.
Check out our picks for the ten worst here:
The "Argo" actor/director joins the Five-Timers Club in the season finale.
We’re here at the end of another season of “Saturday Night Live,” and just like last season, there are changes afoot. This will be Bill Hader’s last show. Seth Meyers will leave the show at the end of the calendar year in order to take over the post-“The Tonight Show” slot. Both Fred Armisen and Jason Sudeikis are rumored to also be leaving? To which I say: awesome. That doesn’t take away anything from what these four have brought to the table. But change is the lifeblood of the show, and no single person is ever truly irreplaceable. In fact, having Meyers leave might be the shot in the arm this show really needs. While its easy to point to onscreen talent as the cause for any woes the show has had this season, it all boils down to the writing. If that’s not up to snuff, no amount of comedic talent in front of the camera can overcome that. If Meyers’ departure shakes up the writer’s room dynamic, and allows new voices to emerge, it might be just what the doctor ordered for the slightly ailing “SNL”.