<p>Phillip of 'Survivor: Redemption Island'</p>

Phillip of 'Survivor: Redemption Island'

Credit: CBS

Recap: 'Survivor: Redemption Island' - 'The Buddy System'

Rob tightens his grip as two Tribal Councils loom
Pre-credit sequence. Matt returns to Redemption Island. I might be amused. You might be amused. Matt is not amused. "First and foremost, I'd like to congratulate myself on being the most naive person ever to play the game of 'Survivor,'" Matt grumbles. "I can't believe I got blindsided twice by the same people," the clearly irate King of Redemption whines. Matt doesn't understand why God wanted him back on Redemption Island. "I trust you that this is your will, you using my stupidity for your glory," Matt tells God. I suspect God's all, "Sorry. Earthquakes. Chilean miners. Double rainbows. Baseball season. Then I'll catch up with 'Survivor' on my DVR..." God, however, does not get a "Survivor" talking head.
 
Full recap of Wednesday's (April 13) "Survivor: Redemption Island" after the break...]
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<p>Geoffrey Arend, Christina Hendricks and Curtis Stone of 'Top Chef Masters'</p>

Geoffrey Arend, Christina Hendricks and Curtis Stone of 'Top Chef Masters'

Credit: Bravo

Recap: 'Top Chef Masters' - 'Everything Old Is New Again'

One chef drops out, another comes back and a third is crowded out

It’s “Top Chef Masters” time, and I’m really ready for the chefs to stop playing nice and start slinging a little mud and throwing diva-esque temper tantrums. So far it’s been altogether too polite for a reality TV show, and while the food is probably outrageously good and we can’t expect chefs of this caliber to steal recipes or toss knives at one another, it’s getting a little dull, like watching a cooking show hosted by an NPR newscaster or Chris O’Donnell.

But wait! Drama! Oh, wait, that’s just the music, it’s not actually a big deal; it just sounds like one. John Rivera Sedlar has had to drop out due to an emergency. Naomi doesn’t care, because that’s one less slab of human meat she’ll need to slice her way through to get the finish line. I have high hopes for Naomi, because she’s either going to have a meltdown or her own or drive another chef to one with her hypercompetitive streak. Anyway, Hugh Acheson comes back to take John Sedlar’s place. John Currence is glad he’s back, because they’re drinking buddies. I’m glad he’s back because he was kind of funny and not just because of the monobrow.
 
[Full recap of Wednesday's (April 13) "Top Chef Masters" after the break...]
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<p>Brittani of 'America's Next Top Model'</p>

Brittani of 'America's Next Top Model'

Credit: The CW

Recap: 'America's Next Top Model' - 'Lana Marks'

Tyra Banks teaches the girls about portfolios and they pose at a landfill

 

Another week, another opportunity for high drama here at Cycle 16 of "America’s Next Top Model." Like a cockroach, Alexandria survives still, even after the nuclear meltdown she caused by way of archenemy Brittani. Before Brittani’s dressing down at the last panel, she was a model to beat in this competition. But at this moment, stealthy competitors such as Kasia are starting to look pretty darned good over here. 
 
[Full recap of Wednesday's (April 13) "America's Next Top Model" after the break...]
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<p>James Durbin of 'American Idol'</p>

James Durbin of 'American Idol'

Credit: FOX

Recap: 'American Idol' Top 8 - Songs from the Movies

Casey and James defy Jimmy Iovine and one singer actually gets criticized

In case you've forgotten, Pia Toscano was eliminated on last week's "American Idol." Don't worry, "American Idol" isn't going to let you forget.

But how will last week's shocking results impact Wednesday's (April 13) show? What will the blowback be? Can we expect a newly feisty judging panel, ready and eager to voice their criticisms? Can we expect an judging Affirmative Action program to protect the endangered species known as the "American Idol" female?

Click through to find out...

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<p>Tuesday's 'Dancing with the Stars'</p>

Tuesday's 'Dancing with the Stars'

Credit: ABC

Recap: 'Dancing with the Stars' Results - A third dancer heads home

A top contender lands in the final three in a surprising elimination
Oh yay, it’s elimination time. This is depressing for several reasons, not the least of which is that this is an hour of our lives we can never get back, although I guess that matters less if you’re like the morbidly obese guy who sat on his sofa for so long he grew into it and had to be removed by medical professionals. I’m guessing TV was kind of it for him. On the bright side, we can all be happy we’re not him, even if the Tuesday episodes of “DWTS” may make us feel a little like him. Thanks, ABC?
 
[Full recap of Tuesday's (April 12) "Dancing with the Stars" after the break...]
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<p>Chelsea Kane of 'Dancing with the Stars'</p>

Chelsea Kane of 'Dancing with the Stars'

Credit: ABC

Recap: 'Dancing with the Stars' Performances - Classical Week

A new star takes the lead and another one has a dance floor snafu
So, if we are to believe all the helpful ABC promos, tonight the Humiliating of Kirstie continues, which sounds like a TV movie you’d see on Lifetime and actually has all the components for it. There’s the charming but chubby lead, the dashing but surly love interest and the disaster from which our plucky gal can rise above. I expect Kirstie to be selling the film rights any day. It can’t be any worse than “Fat Actress.”
 
[Full recap of Monday's (April 11) "Dancing with the Stars" after the break...]
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<p>Jen and Kisha play with poop on Sunday's 'Amazing Race'</p>

Jen and Kisha play with poop on Sunday's 'Amazing Race'

Credit: CBS

Recap: 'The Amazing Race' - 'You Don't Get Paid Unless You Win'

The teams seek wisdom and play with manure in India
Many viewers felt like last "Amazing Race" season, in lieu of anything else of interest to recommend it, spent perhaps too much time hammering home the potential significance of a win by an all-female team.
 
For fans with that sort of hypersensitivity, alarms may have gone off when, at the start of Sunday (April 10) night's "Amazing Race," Mallory expressed an earnest excitement about the possibility of becoming the first parent-child team to win. This wasn't the first time we've heard this possibility mentioned, especially since the season started with four parent-child teams out of 11. But Mel & Mike went out early and Luke & Margie went out in the last new episode, which only aired two weeks ago, though I had totally forgotten about it until the pre-credits recap.
 
That left Gary & Mallory and Ron & Christina carrying the banner for fathers and daughters. 
 
Was Mallory's comment a piece of earnest foreshadowing? A piece of ironic foreshadowing? Or a piece of misdirection?
 
Click through for a somewhat quick recap of Sunday's "Amazing Race" episode, which wasn't exactly a bad one, but also failed to generate any real excitement...
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<p>Dame Helen Mirren, Foo Fighters and Andy Samberg</p>

Dame Helen Mirren, Foo Fighters and Andy Samberg

Credit: NBC

Recap: 'Saturday Night Live' - Helen Mirren and Foo Fighters

Would Dame Helen's salty British wit lead to a good episode?

I have to say I can’t quite figure out the number of lengthy breaks during this season of “Saturday Night Live.” After tonight, there won’t be another episode until early May, when Tina Fay returns to host for the third time. That’s essentially a month in between episodes, which might give the show’s featured players more time to make feature films but doesn’t appease many with a love for as much new “SNL” as possible. (Or those with a love/hate relationship with the show, a demographic that probably far exceeds the former.) Hopefully tonight’s Dame Helen Mirren/Foo Fighters edition will provide enough good vibes to last us through Easter Sunday. 

It’s not as if the show will struggle to find things in Mirren’s wheelhouse: she can pretty much do it all, and do it better than anyone. Let’s hope there’s some material for her to really sink her teeth into tonight. Only one way to find out! Onto the recap…

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<p>&nbsp;Mia Kirshner and Nina Dobrev of 'The Vampire Diaries'</p>

 Mia Kirshner and Nina Dobrev of 'The Vampire Diaries'

Credit: The CW

Recap: 'The Vampire Diaries' - 'Know Thy Enemy'

Mommy’s back, but is she in cahoots with Klaus?

It’s been a long time since we’ve seen “Vampire Diaries,” but let’s rewind. Isobel is visiting Elena! Isobel is Elena’s vampire mom! Jenna answers the door! Rick is Jenna’s boyfriend and Isobel’s husband! Jenna thinks Isobel is dead! This is all really not good! For someone! Probably Jenna! And Elena, who is always pissed about something or sulking about something, has something new to sulk about. Phew, I’m exhausted and we haven’t even started yet.

[Full recap of Thursday's (April 7) "The Vampire Diaries" after the break...]
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<p>Jacob Lusk</p>

Jacob Lusk

Credit: FOX

Recap: 'American Idol' Results - Down to 8 with more surprises

Constantine Maroulis performs and somebody surprising goes home

This bears repeating: On Wednesday (April 6) night, we saw performances from the "American Idol" Top Nine. That means there were nine performances and three judges' critiques per performance. That's 27 individual evaluations over 90 minutes and not a single one of those 27 evaluations was what I would describe as "negative." 

The performances on Wednesday were decent, but they weren't *that* good.

This is the second straight week in which all three judges were afraid to say anything resembling a discouraging word. And so, for the second straight week, it's a wide-open field with elimination approaching on Thursday. I predicted Stefano going home, with Haley and Jacob also making the Bottom Three. 

Was I right?

Click through for a full recap

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