Last week Ichabod and Abbie raised a DIY Frankenstein’s monster, Jenny got arrested, War got his law degree and became Captain Irving’s attorney and Katrina got to hold the “idiot ball,” opting to stay a prisoner of Headless to glean information about his plot with Moloch.
So the “Root of all Evil” should obviously be good intentions gone wrong, as proved over and over by our heroes, but it probably has something to do with money. Let’s find out!
We open with the Horseman of War carving a miniature woodwork of Terrytown Psychiatric because even harbingers of the End of Days need a hobby. The tiny Terrytown replica transforms into the real deal and we join Ichabod and Abbie already inside. They’re here to see Captain Irving but Henry has thrown a wrench into their plan. It turns out that in his haste to not receive electroshock therapy, Irving didn’t read that book he signed and it had a provision in it where Henry can bar any visitor to his client…namely ones named Abigail Mills and Ichabod Crane.
Insert your own joke about lawyers being the real evil, here.
Mills and Crane just missed Henry and despite not being allowed to let them inside, the Terrytown receptionist is apparently allowed to give out the lawyer’s personal information. This includes the name of the taxi company he called to whisk him away, because riding a fiery horse away from the psych ward is less than subtle, I suppose.
Meanwhile, Jenny is being sprung from lock-up and Sheriff Reyes is hanging out to watch because the chief of police has nothing better to do than harass the youngest daughter of an old acquaintance. Reyes continues her streak of ignorantly being the most insulting person in the world by comparing Jenny to a wayward dog Reyes used to own. One that would always run out into the road and chase cars…until one day the dog didn’t come back. Because it died. Because it didn’t listen to Sheriff Reyes. Reyes twists the knife deeper by ending with “I just don’t want to see you end up like your mother.” Yes, yes. We get it, Sheriff. You’re morally righteous. Get your condescending ass out of here!
Crane and Mills have tracked Henry’s taxi ride to the bank. They’re on an impromptu stake-out, waiting for their quarry to surface when Ichabod notices something odd inside the cafe. Two men are talking, holding hands. One of them is wearing a hat. Crane asks if that’s considered acceptable these days. He’s talking about wearing hats indoors and not homosexuality because he served with Baron von Steuben and watch the finale of “Glee” and just what is Abbie implying about Ichabod’s moral compass to assume he would condemn two men in love!?
Okay, calm down Ichabod. You’re wandering into Mary Sue territory.
Finally, Henry exits the bank but before they can stalk War to his next location, shots are fired from inside the bank. Because of course they are. Sowing dissent is kind of War’s job description y’all. What did you think he was doing in there? ANYWAY, Crane is forced to stay outside while Abbie runs in because of stupid Sheriff Reyes’s new rules and he is not happy about it.
Inside, a security guard is dead on the ground and a bank teller with a 15 year tenure is losing her mind and robbing the bank. Mills plays everything right: she reminds the teller of who she is, and tries to talk her down from shooting any more bank employees or patrons. We know the teller is not in her right mind because the of weird dark sheen crossing her face and the ancient coin clutched in her hand. But Abbie’s skills as a negotiator are cut short as no-nonsense Sheriff Reyes shoots the poor possessed bank teller in the chest, killing her instantly. God, the “normals” are a worse menace to our heroes than the combined forces of hell.
Outside, Ichabod is pacing behind the police line like a good worried partner. As Abbie walks over to fill him in, I am once again struck by just how short she is! The height differential is freakin’ adorable. Abbie swears that the bank teller was the sweetest lady in the world and would never have gone on a murder spree. It must be War’s doing it. But how? As they wonder, a dirty hipster wanders off with the ancient coin in his hand and murder in his eyes.
Sometime later, we rejoin our heroes at the Exposition Library. Crane is complaining about skulking around the Sleepy Hollow underground to avoid Sheriff Killjoy, but his rant is cut short when the bank’s security footage reveals the teller stealing one of Henry’s deposited coins. The thievery sparks a memory in Ichabod from back when he was on a secret mission from General Washington…
…and can I just interject here that there is no reason other than bragging for Crane to still be starting EVERY SINGLE STORY with “Back when I did this secret mission for GENERAL WASHINGTON.”?? Dude, we get it. You were BFFs with the Founding Fathers. Just chill.
During a mission, Crane was helping retrieve a special shipment of coins from counterfeiters before they could melt them down. Special coins that look super ancient. Unless my eyes deceive me, those are Roman coins stamped with the profile of Caesar. Of course the coins were evil, and the commanding officer who touched one later went on to betray the fledging nation. That man’s name? Benedict Arnold.
Oh, come on! Is there any super-important event Crane only heard about later on, instead of playing a starring role in?
Crane muses on the allegory of a coin sent to morally bankrupt the owner and we cut to the hipster who is totally building a bomb. This will not end well.
Time to catch up with the world’s worst double agent. Katrina is “spying” on Headless and Henry again. By just casually standing around and listening to them talk in the other room. Either these guys want her to overhear their conversation or it’s just a carriage house full of ineptitude. Katrina has been getting to Headless, feeding him thoughts to question why War gets to be in charge and he, poor Horseman of Death, has to stay hidden. War is having none of it and finally tell his mom to butt right the hell out and stop messing with a simpleton who doesn’t even have a head to defend himself against her womanly wiles.
But wait just a damn minute, where did Katrina get this wardrobe change? I mean, if she’d put on some skinny jeans or a maxi skirt that’d be one thing but where does one get period-appropriate clothing for an out-of-time 18th century aristocratic woman? Not that she doesn’t look fetching, but what?
We’ll have to file the Mystery of the Blue Dress away for another day though, because Jenny has returned. Abbie was able to get her community service instead of jail time, but before she runs off to scrub graffiti from walls, Jenny casually mentions she knows a guy who might know something about the coins. After all, Jenny was part of the supernatural community for years while Abbie suppressed her memories.
Jenny also casually breaks into the police records using Abbie’s login, because she suspects Sheriff Reyes might not be the upstanding officer of the law she appears to be. And there is something weird. Reyes was the one who had Jenny and Abbie’s mom put away in Terrytown. Her testimony led to the Mills’ girls being put into foster care and orphaned after their mom committed suicide. Jenny is outraged. Abbie tries to hedge that Reyes was just doing her job and to be fair, their mom was out of her damn mind. Jenny freaks out on Abbie and leaves in an understandable rage.
With no other leads, Crane and Mills head down to the river to talk to Mr. Hawley. Because that’s where he hangs out…because he is Aquaman. More specifically, he is clearly Southern Gentleman Aquaman (SGA). Oh Lord have mercy, please let this disreputable dealer in supernatural antiquities be a new cast regular!
Ichabod is immediately suspicious. This man is obviously a pirate and not to be trusted and CLEARLY there is only room for one man with a sexy accent in Abbie’s life. Abbie disagrees.
After some prodding, SGA reveals that coin was probably a Tyrian shekel. Specifically, one of the 30 pieces of silver Judas accepted to betray Jesus. While Mr. Hawley doesn’t believe in all this supernatural hocus-pocus, he knows that people that do believe in such things pay handsomely for such things and he is totally down to help relieve them of their burden. Crane is outrage. Abbie is amused.
Suddenly, the flower shop explodes. Guess that hipster really hated his boss. Back at the Frederick estate, War puts the finishing touches on his miniature replica of Sleepy Hollow and smiles. Any minute now, Quasimodo is going to show up and burst into a rendition of “Out There.”