Sleepy Hollow - Akeda
Credit: FOX

Recap: 'Sleepy Hollow' - 'The Akeda' proves common sense is overrated

Blood is thicker than water...or lava...or blood hail.

This is it, y’all. We made it to the mid-season finale! After tonight it will be farewell until after the first of the year. So let’s squeeze ever last insane drop out of “The Akeda,” like a giant shake’n’bake of mythology and history.

Abbie and Ichabod have the sword of Methuselah, and the Horsemen of the Apocalypse have Moloch. Who will triumph?

************

Thunder and lightning greet the audience to let us know things are about to Get Real™. Ichabod and Abbie are headed straight to Fredrick’s Manor with the sword, because time is of the essence. Henry has blown the horn to signal the rise of Moloch. 

I kind of wonder what the range on that thing is? All across the tri-state area, the top news story tonight is about the strange trumpeting sound being reported by hundreds of people. More at 11.

Ichabod is giving directions the old-fashioned way, and a good thing too, because no sooner has Abbie derided his ye olden ways than lightning STRIKES THE CAR and shorts out the GPS. But doesn’t electrify them? Undeterred, they push the car — I assume since there’s no tow truck in sight — to a local gas station but BAM! Lightning strikes again, shorting out all the lights and making repairs impossible. Thor really wants Ragnarok to happen, you guys.

Being an officer of the law, Abbie steals…commandeers…a motorcycle while the repairman fades into the mist of Tertiary Characters. We learn Abbie had a motorcycle as a teen and there is no way the lightning can short it out since it has no electrical parts. She’s right, but I mean…it could still just strike them dead on the spot, right? Third time’s the charm, after all.

Except tonight. Our heroes arrive on the scene and Crane adorably proclaims, “I want one of these as soon as this is over!” It’s like a horse, but without all the manure and getting kicked in the stomach!

With no time to spare on fripperies like “reconnaissance,” Crane and Mills burst into the Manor. Lucky for them, it’s been abandoned. Or unlucky, since Abbie went through all that effort to upgrade from a handgun to a sub-machine gun. All that remains in the house is Henry’s tiny Quasimodo replica of Sleepy Hollow, complete with suspicious markers. A few bits of red string later and Henry’s evil plan becomes clear: he had to draw a pentagram and/or pentacle over the city! That bastard? To what purpose remains a mystery. 

Ichabod manages to shoehorn in a reference to George Washington’s Bible and how a demon will rain Hell on Earth. Everyone keeps assuming this demon is Moloch, but considering we’re two Horseman shy of an Apocalypse, this seems like premature Armageddon. 

Katrina’s screams keep anyone in-universe from putting two and two together though. Ichabod and Abbie rush outside to stop the binding ritual. Katrina is all tied up and the boys are gonna fight over her. Do we really have time for this? Shouldn’t “You stole my girl!” be third tier concerns right now?

Crane gets the better of his former friend and Death is down for the count. Ichabod is seconds away from skewering Abraham when he hesitates. Just standing there. Dude, no. The pointy end goes into his fleshy bits. It’s not hard. 

Oh, apparently our heroes need to know where Moloch has gone and Death is the only one who knows. I mean, it’s not like he’d be in the center of the pentagram drawn over the city. Or like they have a witch who could perform a tracking spell. Nope. They only have a witch who can expand her illusion so we can all hear Abraham talk. Sigh.

Once Abraham properly has his head again, he wastes no time in throwing a wrench into everyone’s plan. “All magic has a cost,” he says. Calm down, Rumpelstiltskin. But he’s right. The sword of Methuselah demands a sacrifice. In order to wield the power to destroy demons, in return the sword kills the man who wields it and takes his soul.

Ichabod is suspicious because it seems too convenient. I am suspicious because I’ve seen “Lord of the Rings.” In a group consisting mostly of XX chromosomes, surely this is an “I AM NO MAN” scenario?

While the Scooby gang looks into the veracity of Death’s claims, they decide to take him back as a hostage. Now Katrina is tying up Abraham….how the tables have turned. Ichabod and Abbie discuss the strain on the Crane marriage and if it can withstand everything it has been through. Considering Katrina is properly Stockholm Syndrome’d? I’m gonna go with no. Regardless, they leave the former kidnap victim alone to interrogate her captor. This should go great.

Red lightning flashes over the cabin, signaling Moloch has leveled up. Jenny meets up with the heroes with bad news. Death wasn’t lying. The sword will definitely murder any man who uses it. But wait? Didn’t Methuselah kill thousands of demons? Is there a Fill Meter on the blade or something? How do you know when the sword is coming to collect?

But Genre Savvy Jenny has a plan. The sword can’t consume the soul of someone who doesn’t possess one. Someone like Captain Frank Irving. Now they just need to find him.

Meanwhile, Henry and New Dad are having bonding experience, chatting about complex modern family dynamics, raising Purgatory into the plane of the living…you know, normal blended family stuff. Henry basically says “You’re so much cooler than my real dad. He never let’s me do anything fun.”

Armed with knowledge that the sword is a tricky shit, Ichabod goes to retrieve his wife. But Katrina is too good at her femme fatale schtick, as evidenced by even her husband believing she truly still has feelings for the Headless Horseman. Tensions run high as Ichabod asks if Katrina would have the stones to kill Henry to get to Moloch, because it might (definitely) come to that. Katrina is still Team Delusional and fails the test utterly. Rather than face reality, Mrs. Crane opts to stay and “interrogate” Abraham further.

Ichabod is forced to return to the cabin empty handed. He rages a bit at the unfairness of being forced to murder his own son, tying it in to the story of Abraham and Isaac. Abbie points out that Isaac was an innocent child, not a murderous Horseman of the Apocalypse. Mills is still solidly Team Common Frickin’ Sense. 

Jenny saves everything from getting too philosophical by pulling up the voicemail Irving left when he abandoned her near the Canadian border. At the end, he leaft a series of numbers. A code! It’s a date. September 23, 1780. Is everyone in this universe a history buff and if so, how do I get there because MY PEOPLE!

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Recap: 'The Comeback' - 'Valerie Saves the Show'
Credit: HBO

Recap: 'The Comeback' - 'Valerie Saves the Show'

Valerie gives up even more of her dignity, and her home

In the first season and now, Valerie's quest for attention and affirmation led her to be filmed by a camera permanently mounted in her bedroom. Last week, Valerie Cherish was turned into an object and humiliated by Paulie G., via her character, Mallory.

So, while it seems like there's little dignity left for her to give up, this episode makes it clear that she can still find ways to sacrifice. Because Valerie Cherish is once again desperate for her new TV show to work, and in this episode of "The Comeback," that leads her to literally give up her house.

In order to save scenes featuring her character at home, which have been cut because of the budget, Valerie offers her home as a ready-made location. Besides the impact that has on her life, it also further blurs the line between the character Mallory and Valerie Cherish.

After last week's affront, Paulie G. is entirely silent this episode, but he's just as awful as always. During filming at Valerie's house, instead of just asking Valerie and Mark (and Mickey, and her camera crew) to leave, he whispers to a crew member to let her do the job. It's comedic because they're literally the only people there, but the crew member shouts as if she's talking to 50 people.

The take-over of their property leads to Valerie and Mark seeking refuge at a hotel-like rental property that they own. After Mark succeeds -- for once! -- in shutting the cameras out, there's a literal gunshot. It's truly shocking for everyone, us included, when a gunshot leaves Jane literally ducking for cover (she's usually just ducking out of the way of the cameras), but even more shocking when we see its aftermath: a blood-splattered wall.

That's the image we're left with, but a good part of the episode is spent on Valerie trying to become a better actor. Recognizing Seth Rogen's skill in improvisation, she takes an improv class at The Groundlings.

This gives "The Comeback" yet another meta layer to play with, because The Groundlings is where the Valerie Cherish character was literally born. Lisa Kudrow created her there in 1990 (Kudrow <a href="http://metro.co.uk/2009/10/27/lisa-kudrow-241060/">has said</a> the character then was "an actress who was so desperate for attention she'd go on chat shows talking about her 'favourite charity,' which she clearly knew nothing about").

Of course, Valerie Cherish is not Lisa Kudrow, and Val it's no surprise at all that she's horrible at improv. During her first scene, she comments on everything that's happening and whispers to her scene partner. As we know from watching "The Comeback," she needs to control everything; she can't just listen and respond, as a good improvisational scene requires. And she most definitely cannot stay present in the moment.

During a break, Mickey says that tests revealed he has cancer, and when Valerie goes back on stage, she keeps saying that word, bringing it into the scene because that's all she can think about. It's a nice nod to both her failure at improv (Jane's face says it all throughout these scenes) and Valerie's concern about Mickey, even if, at first, she's too busy performing for her camera crew to recognize her friend's stricken face.

All that gives "The Comeback" a chance to comment on its own use of Mickey's cancer as a comedic device, with the Groundlings' instructor telling her that while nothing is off-limits, there are some things that just don't really make people laugh.

A beat later, there's a joke about the "Seeing Red" line producer's wheelchair. Then, a suicide played for shock value. At least when "The Comeback" sacrifices its own dignity, it's completely aware of what it's doing.

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Sleepy Hollow - Magnum Opus
Credit: FOX

'Sleepy Hollow' - America's 'Magnum Opus' was hoarding important apocalyse artifacts

New England is lousy with mythical relics.

Last week was an Abbie-centric episode where we finally got to see her and Jenny interact with their mom. Of course, Mrs. Mills was embodying the “cryptic messenger” trope, so the family reunion was laced with unnecessary terror and miscommunication. So, a pretty standard family gathering.

This week, the gang returns to the task at hand. Moloch — and certain doom — are barreling down on the world. They’ve got to gear up for the “Magnum Opus.”

*************

No nightmare cold open this week. Instead we get the other, far more delightful opening where Ichabod and Abbie do something with modern technology, causing the curmundgeon in Crane to come out. This time? A friendly game of Head’s Up charades using their phones. Abbie’s clue is Crane “Cannot tell a lie,” which leads to outrage by Ichabod because his BFF George Washington lied ALL THE TIME. 

“Whatever, Colonial Mythbuster,” chides Abbie, voice of the audience.

This attempt to trick their subconsciousnesses (that is one awkward word) into making sense of the Mills family journal is cut short when Katrina pops in via mirror call. This is the first time the gang has heard from her since she went back “undercover” and it’s not good news. Katrina hasn’t managed to kill Moloch because murdering evil children is wrong or hard or something. Suck it up, girl.

Katrina warns that Moloch is days away from reaching maturity and her hands are tied. Truly, TRULY the most inept witch of her age, you guys.

Abbie is like “Back to the drawing board, we gotta find this weapon my mom said was hidden in the pages but couldn’t be bothered to tell us exactly where and oh my God, I hate this obtuse bullshit.”

Unbeknownst to our heroes, Henry’s mirror has a redial function. Exposition Library is compromised! Sound the drudge siren! The Horseman of War is able to eavesdrop as Abbie and Ichabod finally puzzle through the myriad of steps needed to find the weapon. Nothing is ever easy.

Speaking of difficult situations, Abbie gets an alert that Reyes is hot on the trail of Captain Frank Irving, Escaped Convict. Abbie texts Jenny to let her know the cops are setting up checkpoints and to be safe, since Jenny is transporting Irving across the border to Canada. I hope Abbie was using a burner phone or that warning is gonna come back to bite her in the ass.

One anagram, distorted drawing, political cartoon, and epiphany that America might have been founded as a by-product of preparing for the Apocalypse later, we arrive at the solution to all our Moloch woes. The Witnesses must find the sword of Methuselah. Luckily, like all major artifacts pertaining to the End Times™, it’s located in Sleepy Hollow. You cannot throw a rock in this county without hitting a priceless mythical artifact.

There is one catch: prophecy states in order to wield the sword of Methuselah, one must “Know yourself of perish.” Crane pretty much says, “Um, so maybe I shouldn’t touch it then,” and I concur because this is a man who latches onto the viewpoints of loved ones like an opinion leech.

Back in the Carriage House, Henry congratulates himself on being clever enough to let Katrina use the mirror. Now he and Death know what the plan is and can stop the heroes. Sure dawn is approaching, but that’s not War’s problem. Abraham had best just ride faster to get to the sword first.

DAMMIT, KATRINA.

Despite our fugitives taking a road supposedly checkpoint free, there’s one anyway. Irving isn’t surprised; the cops are widening the net. Jenny the Genre Savvy keeps a spare burner phone in her glovebox though, so armed with a means of communication Irving bails out of the moving car. They’ll meet up on the other side.

Not gonna lie, I’d watch a show just about the hyper-competent adventures of Jenny and Irving.

Following the map laid out by Ben Franklin, Abbie and Ichabod have reached the point where 'X' marks the spot. But there’s a whole of nothing…until Abbie sees the ruins from her vision last week. Turns out Mrs. Mills wasn’t in Victorian London OR ancient Rome; she was singing eerie lullabies in the wilds of New England. 

Suddenly, a wild Headless Horseman appears! He uses “Can’t see shit.” It’s super effective! The Scooby gang hides in the bushes while Abraham curses his lack of eyes. But he has bigger problems. Dawn is coming, so murdering his friend-turned-foe must wait. Headless dismounts to enter the ruins and I instantly want our heroes to steal his horse. But sadly, it is not to be. Instead Abbie sneaks up the back while Ichabod pleads for restraint. Just let the UV Rays get him, seems to be Crane’s argument.

Abbie is having none of that nonsense and spies on Abraham. The Horseman of Death is engaged in a bout of vandalism. He’s stealing property like a teenage hooligan. Abbie’s a terrible spy and knocks a brick loose, turning the unseeng gaze of Death upon her. Uh, oh.

For once, Crane gets to play the hero, distracting his estranged friend while Mills escapes. Ichabod runs about twenty feet and dives behind the rocks, winded. Time to add in some cardio, dude. The mood lightning vanishes just in time for the sun to rise. Abraham is forced to retreat, steaming like a plate of fajitas. 

Ichabod Crane, the only human on Earth who actually uses the Sunrise/Sunset part of his phone’s weather app.

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Review: 'The Comeback' - 'Valerie Is Brought to Her Knees'
Credit: HBO

Review: 'The Comeback' - 'Valerie Is Brought to Her Knees'

Seth Rogen comes to Valerie Cherish's rescue

A major, unanswered question this season of "The Comeback" has been what exactly is motivating Paulie G., why he created an HBO dramedy to depict his experience writing a short-lived sitcom. Episode three didn't answer that question, but it did underline it with a very disturbing scene that Paulie G. wrote into his new series: Valerie's character performing oral sex on Paulie G.'s character.

While that never actually happened, as Valerie Cherish and eventually Paulie G. acknowledge, it's written as Paulie G.'s fantasy, which may very well have happened. Either Paulie G. did once fantasize about Valerie in the past, or he's using that to humiliate her in the present; both are disturbing.

Seth Rogen, playing Paulie G's character on "Seeing Red," is the only person who recognizes how demeaning this scene is for Valerie, and how much she really does not want to do it. He stops it by suggesting that he can sell the scene and it can be shot without her needing to be visible. (Because she's Valerie Cherish, she ends up in perhaps an even more embarrassing position, her head on his lap, out of the frame, as he fakes his own orgasm.)

Maybe he's the only person with the power to do that, since Val does ask Paulie G. how to play the scene, and ends up suggesting that she could do it "eager, reluctant, [or] not at all." She doesn't stand up for herself more than that, though, having previously acknowledged to Paulie G. how much she needs this show to work, just as he admitted to her the same thing.

Seth Rogen is not the only person who shows Valerie respect this episode -- Jane is particularly forthcoming about how exploitative she thinks all this is, which is very out-of-character for her -- but Seth Rogen is remarkably perceptive about everything while still being jokey. He notices Paulie G. giving Valerie a look and calls him on it, which puts him on the side of the audience/camera crew.

Rogen, the rela-life actor (not the actor-as-character), plays this version of himself remarkably well. So many of these types of cameos end up being exaggerated, obnoxious versions of an actor, who clearly has fun playing a jerky version of him- or herself. Here, it's the opposite, but Rogen plays himself with restraint and humanity so his character doesn't come off like as one designed to make the real-life actor look good.

It just feels real and genuine, like you could imagine Seth Rogen in this actual position. And there's fun interaction between his character and Lisa Kudrow's Valerie Cherish, who is, as usual, trying to impress others.

What didn't feel as real was the scene in which Valerie had to stand in her "Room and Bored" track suit between two fully naked porn stars, who were making orgasm sounds. That seemed to serve no actual purpose for "Seeing Red" other than to humiliate her and degrade the women; perhaps the same could be said for "The Comeback" using that scene. Do we really need to humiliate Valerie this much? Is this much awkwardness necessary? We get it.

Now that "The Comeback" season two has arrived on the set of "Seeing Red," the show felt more grounded than it did in the first two episodes -- but it also felt like it found very familiar territory to settle on for its themes. How much humiliation with Valerie Cherish subject herself to to earn some respect? Can she prove that she's more than who Paulie G. thinks she is? Will the ever-present camera crew undercut her efforts?

"The Comeback" season one did those things so well, I'm not sure why "The Comeback" season two is trying, unless it's trying to prove that nothing really changes. But like Paulie G., its motivations are still unclear.

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Cameron Diaz, Mark Ronson, and Bruno Mars

Cameron Diaz, Mark Ronson, and Bruno Mars

Credit: NBC

Recap: 'Saturday Night Live' – Cameron Diaz And Mark Ronson/Bruno Mars

The "Annie" star returns for her fourth hosting gig

In Cameron Diaz, “Saturday Night Live” has its second consecutive host making an appearance after a lengthy absence. Although Diaz has hosted the show three times before, this is her first time doing so since 2005. Will there be “Annie” sketches? Probably! Will there be a Jamie Foxx and/or Quvenzhané Wallis cameo? Possibly! Will Bruno Mars make an in-sketch appearance in addition to his musical role tonight? Likely! Will this be an exciting episode or one that puts audiences to sleep faster than Thanksgiving dinner? Who knows!

As always, I’ll be liveblogging the show in real time, assigning grades to each segment. As always, I’ll remind you that comedy is subjective and the grades don’t have any more power than you allow them to have. As always, a few of you will ignore that last statement and quibble over a “B-“ versus a “B”. It’s cool. We can all hold hands and sing “Massachusetts Afternoon” together when it’s over.

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<p>Tuesday&#39;s &quot;Sons of Anarchy&quot;</p>

Tuesday's "Sons of Anarchy"

Credit: FX

Recap: 'Sons of Anarchy' - 'Suits of Woe'

Truths come out in a supersized episode that actually needed to be a supersized episode

Nerves got the better of you during Tuesday night’s nail-biting, reveal-all episode of “Sons of Anarchy?” Well light up them ciggies and let’s get joyriding because we’ve got a lot of ground to cover. 

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Sleepy Hollow - Mama
Credit: FOX

Recap: 'Sleepy Hollow' - No one ever talks about their 'Mama' issues

Tarrytown is in desperate need of a building inspection.

When we last left our heroes, the Scooby gang had just broken up again. Katrina was going back undercover as Abraham/Death’s Stockholm Syndrome girlfriend while Ichabod and Abbie continued the kabuki dance of pretending they don’t want to bone each other.

Also, I started helming the good ship Crawley — because Hawley and Ichabod are totally secretly pining for each other.

Did Katrina manage to murder that demon baby? Will the show keep enabling my new OTP? Let’s find out in tonight’s episode, “Mama.”

********

Through the power of dream visions, we are transported to foggy Victorian London and/or ancient Roman ruins. Abbie is disoriented — which is strange because you’d think she’d be used to the dream sequence cold open by now — but she's drawn to a disturbing singsong voice. “You Are My Sunshine” has never sounded creepier than right now, emanating from the monk robes of Abbie Mills’ dead mother.

Abbie is jolted awake just before we get a good look inside the robe. Which is probably for the best because never in the history of mankind has anything benevolent been inside a grim reaper cowl. Away from the vision Purgatory with her mother, Abbie can focus on mundane activities. Like quietly making fun of Ichabod Crane’s inability to open a pill bottle. 

Child and Revolutionary-proof caps. 

At some point Ichabod has come down with the crud, but he’s doing his level best to push through. Abbie is having none of it and tucks him in with a red plaid blanket and an admonishment to get some sleep. Then she’s off to go be a cop because Reyes needs her. Ichabod is put out but seriously, it is poor form to show up for work sick. Especially when you aren’t technically getting paid, so you have all the sick days in the world. 

P.S. Ichabod’s “I am sick, pity me” scarf is quite fetching.

Ever since the sting operation on the “satanic cult,” Reyes has backed off Abbie’s case. Apparently shutting down a group that is testing demon baby parasite via poison gets you brownie points with the skeptical, hard-ass police chief. Reyes even extends the most macabre olive branch ever: there have been three suicides in as many nights at Tarrytown. Reyes wants Abbie to investigate what’s really going on, even going so far as to say Mills’ personal connection to the tragedy might give her the edge. Also, if Reyes had assigned the case to someone else, she knows — correctly — that Abbie would’ve hounded her about it.

With Ichabod out of commission, Abbie calls in the reserves. Jenny has joined the party! If the Scooby gang was a fantasy party, what roles would they have? Abbie is the Red Mage, Jenny the Fighter, Ichabod the Scholar, Hawley the Thief, and Katrina the White Mage, yeah?

Anyway, Jenny agreed to help because she knows Tarrytown better than anyone. What with being involuntarily committed on and off for most of her adult life. As she explains that Tarrytown is a building full of pain and fear, the point is driven home by the “welcoming committee.” One of the patients — Walt — creepy lurches towards the sisters and gurgles incoherently before being led away by a nurse. Surely that’s the last we’ve seen of those characters and they’ll not reappear later in this episode in pivotal roles!

The ladies head directly to Captain Irving for information on the suicide victims. Irving only knew one of them — Nelson — a dude who suffered from paranoid delusions but had been on his meds and organizing prayer circles and generally acting like a man who wanted to live. Irving is also sure to mention he did not kill those people. The good Captain is still in control of his actions, if not his soul.

Sometime later, the sisters are sitting in front of an overwhelming number of monitors, each split into smaller monitors. They’re pouring over the Tarrytown surveillance footage, but unless they have ADHD I’m not sure how they’re focused on anything. Besides, don’t they know the names of the suicide victims and where they died? Why not just use the cameras from their bedrooms? Is it because it wouldn’t look like a cool CSI sequence? Be honest, that’s the reason.

In a moment of revelation decades in the making, Jenny admits that she once snuck into Tarrytown to visit their mom when she was a kid. Which means either Jenny was a break-in prodigy or psychiatric facilities are disconcertingly lax on security, despite having more cameras than a government black site. Jenny says her last memory of Mrs. Mills is of orderlies dragging her away while she screamed and freaked out. To add insult to injury, baby Jenny is even holding flowers while watching this scene in slack-jawed terror.

Abbie responds with a confession of her own. She always worried she’d end up crazy like their mom. And when Jenny ended up in Tarrytown, Abbie knew it was only a matter of time before the crazy genetics came home to roost. She’s determined to figure out what’s going on at Tarrytown because Abbie hopes it will help her understand why she was chosen to be a Witness.

There are leaps of faith and then there is blind, desperate groping for meaning. Your milage may vary as to which of the two Abbie’s hope is.

Sibling bonding over shared childhood trauma out of the way, the ladies finally realize cameras are room specific. Honing in on Nelson’s room around the time of the murder, they completely overlook that budget Nurse Ratchet from earlier was the last person to see him alive. Instead they focus on their dead mom’s ghost in the corner because neither of them have ever heard of a red herring.

Come on Jenny. You’re more genre savvy than this.

Okay, maybe Jenny is more savvy than I gave her credit for, because she went off to get the footage analyzed instead of taking it on faith that her crazy demon-hunted mother is back from the dead. Abbie is stuck babysitting a perplexed and still sickly Ichabod while this is going down. Crane is displeased by the lack of instantaneous results from his eucalyptus huffing. But that doesn’t stop him from pointing out to Abbie that of course none of the pills Tarrytown gave Mrs. Mills worked because Abbie’s mom wasn’t actually delusional.

The creepy shit she was seeing was real.

Suddenly, a flashback. The baby Mills sisters return home to a mother who is frazzled and clutching a baby doll. Mrs. Mills isn’t wearing a tin foil hat, but she HAS put yellowed newspaper over all the windows, which is only one step down on the “paranoid shut-in” barometer. However, her mantra to the girls of “Eyes open, Head up, Trust no one” is just good stranger danger advice. Most girls have heard a variation on this from their mothers. Only we’re looking out for potential assaulters and the Mills were on the look out for demons. 

Six of one, half dozen of the other.

Adult Abbie muses on why her mother’s ghost has returned now, after 15 years, to start killing Tarrytown patients. Her query is cut short by the arrival of my favorite person — Southern Gentleman Aquaman! Hawley comes bearing gifts: medicine, food, and books for research from the cabin.

Awwww, you guys. Hawley came to doctor an ailing Ichabod. CRAWLEY LIVES!

SGA also brought Matzah ball soup. At first Crane is dubious but quickly comes around to the strange yet delicious Jewish recipe. So...is Hawley Jewish? Also, how cute is it that Ichabod tries to hide how pleased he is that SGA brought him soup? The fanfiction practically writes itself.

Sustained by the soup brought by his crush, Ichabod whips out Washington’s map — does he keep it next to his heart or something? — and posits a theory. Tarrytown is build on a leyline. Perhaps with Moloch returned to this mortal plane, he is somehow compelling Mrs. Mills to kill in order to torture Abbie and Jenny.

Sure, why not?

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<p>Lisa Kudrow on &#39;The Comeback&#39;</p>

Lisa Kudrow on 'The Comeback'

Credit: HBO

Jane returns to 'The Comeback' in the season's second episode

Valerie Cherish convinces her old producer to return

There's a lot of reluctance in episode two of "The Comeback." Valerie Cherish is reluctant to film her new HBO dramedy without being able to get plastic surgery first.

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Woody Harrelson, Kendrick Lamar, and Kate McKinnon

Woody Harrelson, Kendrick Lamar, and Kate McKinnon

Credit: NBC

Recap: 'Saturday Night Live' – Woody Harrelson and Kendrick Lamar

The star of 'The Hunger Games' and 'True Detective' gets back to his comedy roots

It’s been twenty-five years since Woody Harrelson originally hosted “Saturday Night Live,” and more than two decades since his last appearance on the show. In that time, he’s gone from "lovable bartender on 'Cheers'" to someone who is simultaneously part of one of Hollywood’s biggest film franchises (“The Hunger Games”) and co-lead in one of 2014’s most talked-about television shows (“True Detective”). What’s hosting a live sketch-comedy show on top of that already stuffed year? I’d be shocked to not see a parody of at least one (if not both) of those aforementioned pieces of pop culture, but mostly I want to see Harrelson let his comedy freak flag fly with this cast and see what happens.

As always, I’ll be grading in sketch in real time. As always, you shouldn’t worry too much about the grades. We’re all here because we love “SNL,” even if we don’t always love the same parts with equal vigor. Unless you’re just hear to say how the show hasn’t been funny in years, in which case, I give you a hearty Jebediah Atkinson-esque suggestion to read the NEXT article on this fine website.

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<p>The Vampire Diaries</p>

The Vampire Diaries

Credit: CW

'The Vampire Diaries' Recap: 'Do You Remember the First Time?'

Elena and Damon get to know each other again

Does anyone else out there need a glass or two of Chardonnay after Thursday night’s reference-filled episode of “The Vampire Diaries?” Or while we’re at it, anyone else itching to rewatch “10 Things I Hate About You” or “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?”

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