Recapping Television's Hottest Shows with Monkeys as Critics
Sookie returns from Fairy Land to discover things have changed in Bon Temps
Stephen Moyer of 'True Blood'
By our reckoning, â€œTrue Bloodâ€ has tackled vampires (of course), werewolves (natch), ancient Greek sybarites (props to the research team on that one), brujos (fresh!), shapeshifters (fair enough), fairies (really?), psychic visionaries and well-meaning witches. That means that we have only gelatinous blobs, ancient Egyptian curses and flesh-eating zombies left. I vote for the blobs.
[Full recap of Sunday's (June 26) "True Blood" premiere after the break...]
Which four singers are heading for next week's finale?
The mentors on 'The Voice'
It’s Semifinals Results Night for “The Voice,” people. I’ll be standing in for Fienberg tonight, as he’s busy polishing his chops to compete for inclusion in the second season of the show. As Dan noted yesterday, it was pretty incredible to see how much more fun this show can be when actually good singers take up the majority of the airtime. Tonight, the show is going to take us from eight contestants to four. How? Damned if I know. The tax code is less complex than the rules on this show. It has something to do with audience votes, artist downloads, and judges’ scores. (The latter element led to the unexpectedly riveting scene of Christina Aguilera struggling to do math on live television. “Breaking Bad” doesn’t feature scenes this tense, people.)
I’ll follow Dan’s house style for this recap, if not his expertise. So it’ll look the same, even if it won’t always sound the same. For the record: I’m predicting Vicci Martinez, Beverly McClellan, Javier Colon, and Xenia. Kidding! Just seeing if you’re paying attention. Dia Frampton will move on, and Xenia’s family will finally be released from whatever hostage situation they are currently in. (OK, fine: YOU explain her abject terror each time she performs. Honestly, if she continues onto next week, we might be looking at the first live human rights’ violation in television history.)
Onto the recap!
Padma shows up and another chef goes home
Curtis Stone, Frances Callier and Angela V. Shelton appear on "Top Chef Masters"
Top five! This season has flown by. Although the challenges have gotten progressively weirder, I can’t say this is my favorite season ever. All the chefs are fairly likeable, but there’s neither a sense of fun or feisty competitiveness. It’s like watching line chefs go through the paces at a very slow five star restaurant. It gets done, there might be a little stress, but mostly it’s entirely pleasant and somewhat boring. Floyd, of course, has a competitive spirit, but I would call it less feisty and more “I think I’ll slip ground glass into your pudding.” I’m just saying, I don’t think we’ve seen his dark side yet.
[Full recap of Wednesday's (June 1) "Top Chef Masters" after the break...]
The talent is out there -- but the weirdoes are, too
Dancers audition in New York for Fox's "So You Think You Can Dance"
Did you know Salt Lake City is THE place to find dancers? Or that at least it is if you’re “SYTYCD”? Me neither. But six top twenty performers have come from Salt Lake, and for tonight’s show we’ll be seeing the Salt Lake auditions and the New York auditions. Take notes, because I’m pretty sure we’ll be seeing a chunk of our future top twenty tonight, at least if the producers pick their footage wisely.
[Full recap of Wednesday's (June 1) "So You Think You Can Dance" after the break...]
Christina, Cee-Lo, Blake and Adam stage their final Battles
Curtis Grimes and Emily Valentine of 'The Voice'
Welcome to the first episode of "The Voice" airing outside of the 2010-2011 TV Season and, thus, the first episode of "The Voice" airing without heaps of direct competition from ABC and CBS. NBC is so confident in the talent show's long-term viability that the network announced earlier today that "The Voice" will get the coveted slot after the Super Bowl next spring.
But for tonight, the only business at hand is ending the rather prolonged process of cutting the field from 32 down to 16 competitors. Only four more Battles to go, so let's get down to business...
But will evil Bentley and creepy mask wearer Jeff survive?
'Bachelorette' star Ashley Hebert
I’m not even sure I can sit through this episode, because we’re going to be subjected to another two hour dose of BENTLEY. Let’s say it all together: Bentley is EVIL. Evil, evil, evil. Evil. And why is Bentley evil, ask those of you who missed last week’s first episode of this installment of “The Bachelorette”? Because he thinks Ashley, cute little Ashley, is not his type. More than that, he doesn’t particularly want to touch, kiss, date or marry Ashley. He’s on the show because he likes to be competitive. That’s it. He just wants to beat out some guys who are there for the right reasons (if there really is a right reason to go on national television to find your significant other, but that’s a conversation for another day) because HE CAN. Apparently, he thinks it will be fun to stomp on Ashley like a bug.
That being said, I’m a little ticked at Ashley, too. She has every reason in the world to kick Bentley to the curb, as she was actually warned by a family friend that the guy is only going on the show to promote his construction business. First off – how exactly is it good for business to act like an unscrupulous scumbag on national television? Do people really say, hey, I done saw that man on TV and he acted like an amoral psychopath! I want him to slap an addition on tha back of ma house! But let’s get back to Ashley. Ashley may have applied the brakes for, oh, about one second, but then she decided Bentley was super cute and just threw caution to the wind. That’s using your head, Ashley! Yes, she talked herself out of a relationship on “The Bachelor” last season, so I understand her need to dive right in. But maybe she could apply that same enthusiasm to J.P., the smoking hot construction manager, or, well, anyone who isn’t Bentley! Aaargh!
[Full recap of Monday's "The Bachelorette" after the break...]
Mary Murphy, Tyce D'Orio and Niles Lythgoe judge the new talent
A dancer practices to audition for Fox's "So You Think You Can Dance"
So, the “SYTYCD” hot tamale train is revving up again, and with it we see the return of Mary Murphy, who returns to the judges’ table after beating thyroid cancer. I have to admit, even though the screaming would get on my nerves by the end of a season, I’ve missed Mary and, more importantly, her insight into ballroom dance. Another good change I’m happy to see – instead of cutting to a final competition of just ten dancers, which left some considerable talents by the wayside, we return to a final twenty – with All-Stars partnering with our dancers once they’re cut to the final ten. It sounds like a good idea to me – when the All-Stars entered the game too early, it felt distracting. I’d be too excited to see, say, Twitch to really notice his partner, who was still something of an unknown quantity. So, this should be best of both worlds – fingers crossed.
[Full recap of Thursday’s premiere after the break]
After two hours, will Scotty or Lauren be chosen as our Idol?
Lauren Alaina, Ryan Seacrest and Scotty McCreery of 'American Idol'
It's time for the two-hour (and seven minute!) "American Idol" Season 10 finale. That means 125 minutes of performances, guest appearances, costume changes and summer movie commercials leading up to the triumph coronation of Scotty McCreery (or, conceivably Lauren Alaina). Since this was alread
y going to be a minute-by-minute recap, I might as well go whole-hog and live-blog the whole thing.
Click through for all of the action...
Would Chelsea, Kirstie or Hines take the mirrorball?
The 'Dancing with the Stars' Season 12 Top 3
Itâ€™s time for the finale of season twelve of â€œDWTS,â€ which is being addressed with all the fanfare of a royal wedding, but with tacky spangles, even more boring parts and fewer ridiculous hats. So letâ€™s get through these two hours of fluff to learn the fate of our three celebrity finalists, shall we?
Click to find out who the lucky winner is.
A trip to NYC highlights some of this season's problems, but offers hope for next year
The 'Glee' kids take New York!
Jayma Mays' appearance in the last three seconds of “New York”, tonight’s “Glee” season finale, says everything you need to know about this season’s quality of continuity. It was the final, and perhaps ultimate, “oh yea, and also THIS” writing moment of a season chock full o’ them. Only had Coach Beiste walked by in the background using Artie’s Magical Legs could that moment have been more jarring. Look, some shows are five pounds of story in a ten-pound bag. “Glee” is twenty-five pounds of story in that same bag, spilling over the edges at all times in a chaotic frenzy. Or, put another way: if other shows write their stories based on an existing recipe book, “Glee” just throws a ton of stuff into a pot just to see what happens. Every once in a while they accidentally concoct a dish that would win an episode of “Top Chef”. But usually they produce a plate that would be better served with something even remotely approaching narrative discipline.