Recapping Television's Hottest Shows with Monkeys as Critics
Porsche's Head of Household reign becomes increasingly problematic
When is $5,000 more than $500,000? When you’re Porsche and you’re Head of Household in the home stretch of “Big Brother,” that’s when. Had anyone but Porsche been HoH, I’m not sure the game would have slipped Pandora’s Box into the room. Because who else would be silly enough to open it at this stage in the game? Doing so netted her a cool 5K, but also opened the door for Rachel and Jordan to stave off elimination, as the Duo Twist is back in effect now for one week. It’s Rachel/Jordan vs. Kalia/Porsche vs. Shelly/Adam. Just as we all predicted when this started a few months ago. Cough.
Onto tonight’s recap!
Chaos in Shreveport, an intervention, a vampire resistance and more
Stephen Moyer of 'True Blood'
Credit: Art Streiber/HBO
When we last left the horny fangers of Bon Temps, King Bill had arrived at a rally for undead/human peace, only to face a brainwashed undead Viking bent on murder. Sookie had inserted herself into middle of the scrum, hell bent on yelling “watch out!” at just the right moment. Now the fight is on!
It's a week of challenges on one wacky 'Big Brother' night
It's going to be a wild and crazy Thursday (August 25) night on "Big Brother." Not only are we going to see the result of the eviction vote between Daniele and Kalia, but Julie Chen already promised that this will be a double-elimination episode. Will the hasty second stage of competitions shake everything up for the hamsters?
Click through to find out...
How would our 'BB' newbie handle the wise-cracking machine?
Kalia versus Porsche. It’s not exactly Ali-Frazer, is it? But that’s where we start tonight’s “Big Brother,” with both currently on the chopping block. The PoV Challenge tonight could land Daniele in hot water before the hour is up, but for now, we’re stuck with two less-than-impressive players in jeopardy. Yawn. Can we bring Zombie Brendon back? Wait, forget I said that. Let’s get on to tonight’s recap before I say anything else I’ll later regret.
Lots of Lafayette, plus more werewolf politics and witching
Nelsan Ellis of 'True Blood'
Let’s do our best to keep our players straight, here: A bitter ghost of a Spanish peasant has taken over Marnie’s body, so Marnie is Antonia now. A happy singing dead Creole lady is currently operating Lafayette. And Eric Northman is under the influence of a nicer, more clueless version of himself. Downside: The new Eric is kind of boring. The upside: He’s getting laid like the dickens.
But will his romance with Sookie last? Or will some other personality move into his body like a college summer sublet? Let’s find out, shall we?
A strong alliance is looking shaky after nominations take place
Ah, we’re still slogging along in the soapy HOH competition. It’s all fun until someone breaks a leg, Big Brother. Of course, the hamsters must sign really comprehensive rights wavers, so any unlucky accident victim would probably be patched up, slung into a humilitard or an elf costume and told to chicken dance for his or her housemates.
Would Daniele finally vanquish Zombie Brendon? And what twist is coming?
Thursday's (August 18) "Big Brother" results show is sure to be anti-climactic, right? There's no way that Daniele fails to finally lop the head off of Zombie Brendon, is there? I know Shelly's been getting on everybody's nerves, but she couldn't find a way to become more obnoxious than Brendon, right?
Let's find out... After the break...
Would the Veto mess with Daniele's nominations or perfect them?
I’m not much for prognostication, as a general rule. But even if I were a long-term “Big Brother” viewer, I would have ceased long ago trying to figure out who is the favorite to win this season. Trying to apply things like “logical reasoning” to what’s gone down this year is a sure fire way to drive oneself crazy. The best way to think about anything that happens is to assume that the person making the latest bizarre decision just got hit in the head with a shovel by Julie Chen. If you go off of that premise, then everything else falls into place.
When last I dropped in on the show here at Monkeys as Critics, Kalia was HoH, Brendon was out of the house, and Lawon had only just come up with what certainly has to be considered one of the worst strategic moves in reality television history. Daniele managed to win HoH at a critical time in the game…only to put up two relative floaters instead of purging the field of fellow veteran competitors. My best guess at to why she did it?? Brendon is in fact a Dementor. It makes sense, in that every time I look at him I worry that I will never, ever feel happiness again.
Guess that means the next hour will be sour, if you’ll indulge a brief moment of recap poetry. Only one way to find out…
Eric and Sookie just keep having sex as the witches and vampires battle
Ryan Kwanten of 'True Blood'
To quote the late George Harrison, here comes the sun, do do do do. And it’s not all right, Jessica. Get away from the door! God knows you couldn’t survive two minutes in the sun even if you were still a human and slathered in SPF 50! Oh no! Don’t die, Jessica!
Would Lawon or Rachel get sent home? And who would America vote back?
With Liane using the HitFix Family Slingbox for the "So You Think You Can Dance" finale, I'm recapping "Big Brother" on Pacific time this week. So far, I've managed to avoid finding out who the hamsters evicted this week and I've also avoided the identity of the departed hamster America wanted to give the chance to return to the game, though half of my Twitter feed was blessing America and half was cursing this great nation of ours.
So click through for the minute-by-minute slog to this week's vote...