So, it's down to the final five, or what I like to call the Quack Pack and Jenn. Not that the Quack Pack is much of an alliance, as everyone except Shane seems to have a final two deal with Dan (and that may have happened and I just missed it), and Dan is eagerly rubbing his hands together in anticipation of stomping on their broken bodies on the way to the finish line. The crazy part is, of course, that every remaining hamster seems likely to smile up at him as he does it. "Gee, Dan, you're really good at cracking ribs! That barely hurt! And not nearly as much as when you stepped on my nose!"
The power dynamic between Jax and Clay isn't the only thing that's changed as we begin season five in Charming. This year's action-packed, fast-moving premiere introduces new players, reestablishes burgeoning rivalries and alliances, and contains one of the most brutal and disturbing scenes the show has ever seen (that is not a low bar to cross).
We can only speculate where any of this is heading, but as set-up, it worked. Mostly.
So, do you think Dan is an evil genius, just evil, easily manipulating gullible and possibly stupid fellow players, or all of the above? Discuss. Anyway, we rewind a little bit in this episode so that viewers can watch all the crazy strategy and backstabbing that took place during this week's double elimination of Frank and Joe. And yes, there was a lot of crazy strategy and backstabbing, most of it on Dan's part. But surely, the dark underbelly of his game play will finally be exposed, won't it?
Sorry. I was out of the country and missed all of last week's "Big Brother" drama and I spent much of this afternoon catching up on Dan's Funeral, The Cutest Eviction Showdown in "Big Brother" History, the tragic exit of Britney (NOOOO!!!!), The Return of Jesse, Ian's Bismuth and... well... everything else.
I was only away for a week, so it's hard to believe all that has happened.
So Dan's a brilliant sociopath, suddenly? And Frank's a carrot? And Jenn still thinks she made a big strategic move? How peculiar.
And Thursday (September 6) is a double-elimination episode?
Let's see how things go... After the break...
So, I'm guessing Dan's Machiavellian plan to race willy-nilly into the "Big Brother" winner's circle while all the other housemates thank him for taking the money and kicking them to the curb remains solidly in effect. The only hamster who could potentially throw a wrench into Dan's evil genius master plan is Frank, who's never met a veto competition he doesn't like. I'm hoping Frank can win tonight's game, if only to wipe that smug little grin off Dan's face.
We pick up where we left off last week -- with Frank and Jenn on the block. Frank thinks Ian has to grow up, as he's taking this revenge thing altogether too personally. Jenn is going to fight to stay in the house, which is remarkable considering that she only started playing a week or so ago. Dan can't believe everyone is so stupid! They totally don't see that he's RUNNING the place! And all of them! Dan needs a waxes mustache to twirl.
So, it’s time to replace Frank as HOH, but let’s face it – no matter what, I think the house really belongs to Dan. Not something I thought I’d be saying two weeks ago, but that stupid funeral speech seems to have worked a hella lot of magic (and Danielle’s tears were quite a bonus). I would think his miraculous save would only create a target on his back -- this guy can talk his way out of ANYTHING -- but that's probably expecting too much of our remaining hamsters, who seem all to willing to be played like fleshy violins. In other news, Pandora’s Box is back again! And to quote Shane, where did Jenn come from?
It's Thursday, so someone's packing their bags and heading home from the "Big Brother" house. But who? It looks like Britney, but I can't rule out one last power quack from Brit. And I still have to wonder -- was everyone really snowed by Dan's fake funeral? I mean, once the weepiness was over and clearer heads prevailed, they had to realize Dan was snowing them, right? Oh, why do I bother? As many crafty power moves have gone on in this game, I'd argue there's been an equal amount of suckerdom.
Britney, Ian and Shane are blindsided by Jenn's decision to rescue Dan -- and Frank's decision to backdoor Britney. Britney wants to know if Danielle knew this was coming. Sweet little Danielle plays dumb. She isn't in cahoots with Dan! Or anything! Danielle doesn't make eye contact, but Britney doesn't seem to notice the tell. Britney should not play poker, ever.
So, as we head into yet another labyrinthine maze of backstabbing and trash talking, the game stands at Dan and Danielle perched precariously on the block, with Dan being Frank's main target. This should be pretty cut and dried, right? I mean, the whole game can't be turned upside down in a matter of days, can it? Like, Dan should just pack his stuff and look for his hair gel. Or not. This season seems to be a lot twistier than any other in recent memory, and alliances come together and crumble in the space of a single episode. Heck, we've had alliances on top of secret alliances, which is making "Big Brother" feel a little like a low I.Q. Roman play. Et tu, Dan?