Credit: CBS

So, the big twist we’ve all been waiting for… is that everyone’s playing individually? Seriously, Big Brother, this is called phoning it in. But it seems that, as feeble as that so-called twist might be, the house is being thrown into crazy-ass chaos anyway, so I can't complain too much.

The HOH competition is yet another boring test of upper body strength and viewer patience. And, as usual, the stakes are very, very high. At least, that's what the hamsters tell us, every damn week. Daniele has to win this HOH. Jeff has to win this HOH. Kalia has to win this HOH. Shelly has to win this HOH. Blah, blah, blah. Okay, in some cases, it's true. Daniele really does need to win HOH, because if the Jeff/Jordan/Rachel/Brendon block does win, it's pretty likely she's a target. But Shelly just wants to get a letter from her kid. She wants to win, but I'm not sure she has the ax-murderer level drive necessary to cling to a wall for hours on end while your lower body seems to do that ab workout Elizabeth Hasselbeck pimps in infomercials.

Caitlynn of 'So You Think You Can Dance'

 

Credit: FOX

Well, it’s another Thursday and another two contestants sadly must be sent home. Thankfully, “So You Think You Can Dance” has some of the more entertaining elimination episodes on reality television so at least we have a few things to look forward to before we must face the sadness. Also, this week there’s no awkward product placement, which is always a plus.

Adam of 'Big Brother'

 

Credit: CBS

Rumors are flying that someone will return to the “Big Brother” house tonight. May that person have a that elusive quality known as a “personality” and save us from these recent doldrums. However, the “Lost” fan in me is hoping that Tricia Tanaka shows up and attracts a fireball from the sky to come crashing down on the whole endeavor. Who will be voted off? How instantly will the game change once it’s down to single elimination? Will the live audience continue to have that glazed, “I’ll be good, just don’t hurt my family” look that they always seem to have? Only one way to find out! Unfortunately, that one way is to actually watch the episode.

Melanie of 'So You Think You Can Dance'

 

Credit: FOX

Tonight, the dancers are doing what I thought they were supposed to do last week – dance one routine with an All-Star, and then another paired up with fellow finalist. This exciting (to me) news is quickly dispensed with, however, so the show can get to what it deems the most important element of the night: Guest judges Rob Marshall and Lady Gaga. I must admit, that’s a lot of star power to blow on one episode. Gaga looks relatively normal, you know, if tonight’s episode turns out to have a Sgt. Pepper theme.

Daniele of 'Big Brother'

 

Credit: CBS

Well, it’s déjà vu here, people. When last we met on Wednesday, Adam and Dominic were up for eviction. And here we are again, with the pair once again on the chopping block. Rachel’s in charge of the house, if not her emotions, and there’s a good chance that Jeff and Jordan could get backdoored if Adam and Dominic win tonight’s PoV challenge. Two weeks ago, none of these words would have meant anything to me. Now? I’m speaking fluent “Big Brother”-anese. This is…growth?

Alexander Skarsgard of 'True Blood'

 

Credit: HBO

When we last left Jason “Ghost Daddy” Stackhouse, he had three sets of super-duper DNA doin’ a line dance in his veins: fairy, vampire and were-panther. Which mythical blood plasma will win? My money is on fairy, but at the moment it doesn’t matter, because Tommy Merlotte is in immediate danger, y’all! The young shape-shifter is busy ex-caping from that evil, dog-fighting-ring-runnin’ Joe Lee! Fight, Tommy, fight! Turn into something horrible! Tommy stays human, but he still defends himself quite effectively. In fact, Tommy clocks Joe Lee right hard! On his hade! In a way that makes folks turn dead! And, uh oh! Mommy Tommy gets hit dead too!

Shelly of 'Big Brother'

 

Credit: CBS

It’s Elimination Night on “Big Brother,” people. How upset am I that Leslie Moonves, not Rupert Murdoch, owns CBS? Because after watching the fireworks in Great Britain this past week, I’d rather be watching Wendi Deng host “Big Brother.” That woman does NOT tolerate tomfoolery, y’all. Instead, we’re stuck with Julie Chen pretending that she cares about the lives of those inside the house. Oh well.

Cat Deeley of 'So You Think You Can Dance'

 

Credit: FOX

Now that we’re down to the top ten dancers, all of the elimination episodes are brutal. When the performance show is as strong as last night’s? It’s ten times worse. Still, one guy and one girl must be sent to the big dance cloud in the sky, or wherever it is they hide them until the tour begins. Let’s get down to it!

Jordan of 'Big Brother'

 

Credit: CBS

Previously on “Big Brother”: stupid people did stupid things! Yup, that about sums it up. No need to summarize things further. You know the drill at this point. Onto tonight’s episode!

The 'So You Think You Can Dance' Top 10

 

Credit: FOX

Hello, dance fans! Liane is busy doing her thing at Comic-Con so I’ll be filling in for her this week, and what a week I pulled: not only is it the first week for All-Stars, but humankind favorite Neil Patrick Harris guest hosts! (Yes, humankind. It is against the nature of our species to dislike him.)