<p>Allison of 'America's Next Top Model'</p>

Allison of 'America's Next Top Model'

Credit: Jim DeYonker/Pottle Productions Inc

Recap: 'America's Next Top Model' Cycle 12 Finale

Allison, Aminat and Teyona faced off for Tyra's love. America's Next Top Model is...

Alas, your regular "America's Next Top Model" recap, the inestimable Leslie Gornstein, is unable to be here tonight due to the fact that no matter what "Fringe" or "Lost" may have led you to believe, it's currently only possible to exist on a single plane of reality at one time and Leslie's currently plane of reality is, fittingly (but inconveniently), an airplane.

That leaves me to break the news of which model was dubbed most fierce by Tyra Banks, Noted Photographer Nigel Barker, Ms. Jay and The Reportedly Fired Paulina Porizkova.

Let's just say that while I was completely satisfied with the way the "American Idol" voting went down this evening, my favorite model was not vindicated in Wednesday (May 13) night's finale.

Results, with spoilers obviously, after the break...

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<p>Adam Lambert of 'American Idol'</p>

Adam Lambert of 'American Idol'

Credit: FOX

Recap: 'American Idol' Results - The Final Two revealed

Everybody loves Adam Lambert, Danny Gokey and Kris Allen, but somebody had to go home

9:00 p.m. We begin Wednesday (May 13) night's "American Idol" with an extended and mostly unfunny commercial for "Night at the Museum 2," reminding viewers, once again, that Ben Stiller is never good on "American Idol." And yet they keep bringing him back. Bill Hader, though, is a bit funnier. And Hank Azaria's Simon Cowell impression is dismal. And Jonah Hill? Sigh. But it's better than Stiller and Hill's interstitial appearances on NBC last Thursday. "Night at the Museum" was a huge hit. Should the studio really be seeming so desperate?

9:01 p.m. At this time last year, we were just twiddling our thumbs waiting for Syesha Mercado to be sacrificed, setting up the David vs. David Finale we'd been promised for months. Tonight? I don't have a clue who's going home.

[Find out who came up just short of the Finals, after the break...]

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<p>Ty and Chelsie's last hurrah on "Dancing with the Stars."</p>

Ty and Chelsie's last hurrah on "Dancing with the Stars."

Credit: ABC

Recap: 'Dancing with the Stars' - Results - Who will make the final three?

Is this Ty and Chelsie's final night?

Here we go. Ten couples are gone. Four couples are left, one of which - Gilles & Cheryl - are coming off a double perfect 30 performance last night, and another - Ty & Chelsie - coming in the serious rear with just a 48 point combined.  It seems clear what's going to happen, but I'm fearful of ever being confident again after Lil' Kim's elimination last week (things truly aren't the same without her).

After Raphael Saadiq and the Raphael Saadiq dancers open the show (it ain't Tony! Toni! Tone!),   Shawn & Mark recreate their perfect 30 quickstep with the same energy and complexity they showed last night (too bad for their not-so-perfect 26 on their second dance last night).

And then, we head down pointless montage lane: former "Stars" (ha) Helio Castroneves, Drew Lachey and Brooke Burke give us words of wisdom from their experiences on the show, and critique this year's dancers. There's nothing revelatory about anything any of them say, and it mostly falls in the vein of lame quotes from the F-list trio: "It's not just the best dancer than wins," Burke advises. "It's who America loves!"

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<p>Kris Allen of 'American Idol'</p>

Kris Allen of 'American Idol'

Credit: FOX

Recap: 'American Idol' - The Three Amigos perform

Adam Lambert and Danny Gokey are consistent, but Kris delivers the night's best and worst

We're down to the Top Three -- or "The Three Amigos" -- on "American Idol," a round which has always seen three performances apiece from the remaining contestants. Not this season. Not this "American Idol" production team. Instead, we're being treated to only two songs, one chosen by the judges and one chosen by the guys themselves. And even with only six performances, the episode is already scheduled to run at least four minutes into the next hour.

How did Danny Gokey, Kris Allen and Adam Lambert do? Click through...

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<p>Gilles Marini and Cheryl Burke of 'Dancing with the Stars'</p>

Gilles Marini and Cheryl Burke of 'Dancing with the Stars'

Credit: Kelsey McNeal/ABC

Recap: 'Dancing with the Stars' - Performances - Week 10

Can anybody keep up with Gilles and his perfect 60?

A bunch of non-celebrity dancers usher in the semi-finals of this, the eighth season of "Dancing With The Stars," with a wink-wink-nudge performance to The Clash's "Should I Stay Or Stay Or Should I Go?"

Though as the four remaining "stars" come down the stairs with their prof, its remarkably evident: Ty should go. He should have gone last week instead of Lil' Kim, and it would be ridiculous if he stays here past Gilles, Shawn or Melissa.

Tom lets us know there's once again two dances this week - a ballroom round and a latin round - and then shows us how an episode with just 8 dances can turn into a 2-hour program. We'll now have 4 minute videos in which the dancers each reminisce via voiceover upon a few of their "breakthrough ballroom and latin dances."  It plays like a poor man's DVD extra, and it's going to be 8:45 before we even see anyone dance live (though I'll admit it's fun to see what turns into a "best of" Gilles' shirtless moments). 

I wasn't that far off with 8:45. Finally, at 8:31, we get to the dances:

[Recap after the break...]

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<p>Elisha Cuthbert of '24'</p>

Elisha Cuthbert of '24'

Credit: FOX

Recap: '24' Episode 22 (5 a.m. to 6 a.m.)

The bioweapon makes its way into the Washington subway system. Will Jack be able to save the day?

This is why Kim Bauer can't have nice things.

No show on television is more rigorously structured than "24," with its hour-by-hour cliffhangers, twists and reversals built into the framework by now. Part of how they make the show run like clockwork -- Because the whole show is on the clock? -- is by making the characters programatic as well. If all else fails, go to Jack interrogating somebody and yelling "Damnit!" If all else fails, cut to Chloe delivering technical instructions with an expression that implies she just scarfed down a lemon. If all else fails, cut to Tony sneering and and looking untrustworthy. If characters have default settings, they're easier to write and easier for viewers to understand.

Want to know why fans tired of Kim Bauer and why there wasn't exactly a wave of happy feelings when she returned? Because for several seasons, the writers' default setting when it came to Kim was, "Kidnapping." Kim Bauer could do no right, because no matter where she went or how far she tried to run, she'd inevitably find herself tied to some metaphorical railroad track by the Snidely Whiplash of the moment. Kim was constantly being held hostage and used as leverage to get Jack Bauer to do things. Even the mountain lion who once menaced Kim probably had an ulterior motive.

Oh, Kim.

[Recap, with spoilers for Monday (May 11) night's "24," after the break...]

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<p>Cara and Jaime of 'The Amazing Race'</p>

Cara and Jaime of 'The Amazing Race'

Credit: CBS

Recap: 'The Amazing Race' Finale - 'This Is How You Lose a Million Dollars'

One team choked, one team earned redemption and the right team won

 

The 14th installment of "The Amazing Race," which got off to a superb start, flagged for a few episodes, but then delivered one of my all-time favorite endings just last week, reached its conclusion on Sunday (May 10) night.

Titled "This Is How You Lose a Million Dollars," the finale wasn't as exciting as perhaps it could have been, something the producers presumably realized as they cut together an episode that included maybe only 40 minutes of racing (including commercials) once you took away the extended opening clip package and the triumphant hugging and tears at the final Pit Stop.

At the very least, though, I hope we can all agree that the right team won...

[Recap, with results, after the break...]

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<p>Eliza Dushku of 'Dollhouse'</p>

Eliza Dushku of 'Dollhouse'

Credit: Carin Baer/FOX

Recap: 'Dollhouse' Finale - 'Omega'

Joss Whedon's new drama ends its first season with some big Alpha relevations

Here we go. It’s been a long trip and this is probably the last episode we’ll see of “Dollhouse.” Despite the bumps, it’s been an interesting ride. We’ve seen Caroline, a young woman on the run from the law, decide to solve her problems by joining a super-secret organization that rents her body with custom-designed brain-patterns included. We’ve seen FBI Agent Paul Ballard toss his career in the crapper to chase down Caroline and the Dollhouse. We’ve seen a lot of Eliza Dushku in the flesh, as well as selected slices of the other cheese- and beefcake on the show, Sierra and Victor. And now, we’re left with Echo in the hands of Alpha, the rogue doll who went slashy-slashy and stabby-stabby a while ago.

[Recap and spoilers for the "Dollhouse" finale after the break...]

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<p>Stephen and JT of 'Survivor: Tocantins'</p>

Stephen and JT of 'Survivor: Tocantins'

Credit: Monty Brinton/CBS

Recap: 'Survivor: Tocantins' - 'The Ultimate Sacrifice'

Coach continues to get on everybody's nerves, but will Debbie's big promise backfire?

 

Pre-credit sequence. We're down to the Final Six, as they return to Forza camp. JT is glad that the drama is gone, or at least the drama in cute little Sierra form. Little does he know that Coach is outraged that Erinn and Taj voted randomly at Tribal Council. He's ready to bring the Warrior Alliance, the alliance that stabbed Tyson in the back, back into play, reiterating, "There's a reason why we have a name." Coach is really hung up on naming things, isn't he? But I guess that's to be expected from a middle-aged man named "Coach." He's proud of his honesty and his boldness, but Debbie notes, "It is so old." As she goes and vents Coach's disapproval to her comrades, Coach continues his slide into Shakespearean excess, slouching in a chair, muttering, "Cowards, cowards, cowards all around me." Given the opportunity, I suspect he would exchange his kingdom for a horse.

[Is this Coach's last stand? Recap after the break...]

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<p>Richard Alpert may play a key role in not just next week's season finale, but in the show's overall mythology</p>

Richard Alpert may play a key role in not just next week's season finale, but in the show's overall mythology

Credit: ABC

Recap: 'Lost' #515 'Follow The Leader'

All the pieces are finally in place for the season finale, but in the ways we expected?

Before we get into it, I want to pose a question to you as we head into the last week of waiting this season.  I can't believe next week's two hour show is the end of it.  We're done with the season, and then next year, it's one last blast of episodes and we're done.  So my question to you is this:  what is the one thing that you absolutely, positively, no argument HAVE TO HAVE ANSWERED before the show finishes next year?  Either leave it in the comments or e-mail it it to me and we'll talk about them in next week's recap, which will also serve as a wrap-up for the season.

Can I just say how much I like watching Ben and Richard look like they have no idea what the hell is going on?  After watching them smile and gloat and sell the idea that they have all these answers they're just not sharing, it's nice to see that they may, in fact, be big fat liars who are just as confused as anyone else.  I'm not sure what was going on in that one little sotto exchange of theirs, but their relationship, which has always seemed tense at best, may be more complicated than previously suggested.

Big week for the couples on the island.  Jack and Kate are pretty much completely opposed in how to handle things, and the way he casually hurts her with his determination to "fix" everything is a fairly realistic emotional touch.  I like how he doesn't even seem to fully understand just what he's doing to her each time he talks about wiping clean "all the misery." 

[more after the jump]

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