<p>Kisha and Jen of 'The Amazing Race'</p>

Kisha and Jen of 'The Amazing Race'

Credit: CBS

Recap: 'The Amazing Race' - 'Having a Baby's Gotta Be Easier Than This'

Jen and Kisha run into trouble swimming and telling Chinese people apart

Every season, while watching "The Amazing Race," I continue to put together my list of things I'd want to make sure I was comfortable with doing before coming face-to-face with Phil Keoghan.

I'd want to learn how to drive a stick shift. That's a no-brainer. I'd want to learn, "Drive faster please" in at least 15 or 20 languages. I'd probably go try a moderate bungee jump.

I'd do that last one because even though I'm not necessarily afraid of heights, it's something I've never done before and I'd really want to make sure that's a fear that wouldn't come out of nowhere to cripple me on national TV.

The odds of "The Amazing Race" asking you to bungee or sky-dive are pretty high, but still probably less likely than the chances you're going to find yourself submerged in the water at some point in your journey. 

I'm just saying that probably Jen wanted to have that whole "Fear of the Water" thing at least partially under control, because that's too obvious a handicap to have it prevent you from winning a million bucks.

[Recap of Sunday (April 26) night's "The Amazing Race," titled "Having a Baby's Gotta Be Easier Than This," after the break...]

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<p>Eliza Dushku of 'Dollhouse' with horse (also of 'Dollhouse')</p>

Eliza Dushku of 'Dollhouse' with horse (also of 'Dollhouse')

Credit: FOX

Recap: 'Dollhouse' - 'Haunted'

Eliza Dushku's Echo is imprinted as a dead woman trying to solve her own murder. Creepy!

We open Friday (April 24) night's "Dollhouse" with rich d-bags sitting around a patio table on an unbelievably expensive estate, sipping Long Island Ice Teas. There’s no way any of these pretty boys could muster the ambition to actually pay for all this, so there’s got to be a rich older woman around – and there she is. This is Margaret, on her beloved horse, blowing a kiss to Jack, her much younger, ridiculously handsome younger husband. She goes off for her ride, the guys hang out some more... and then Margaret’s horse comes back without her. This is not a good sign.

Echo wakes up in the chair, and DeWitt is there, looking uncharacteristically emotional. She says to Echo, “Margaret, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you – you’re dead.”

Wow. That is probably the best line I’ve heard on “Dollhouse,” but I imagine waking up to that would definitely put a crimp in your day. And cue the opening credits. (Hey, does the probable cancellation of the show mean that we don’t get to see the lesbian geisha scene?)

[Intriguing, right? Full recap after the break...]

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<p>Sierra of 'Survivor: Tocantins'</p>

Sierra of 'Survivor: Tocantins'

Credit: Monty Brinton/CBS

Recap: 'Survivor: Tocantins' - 'It's Funny When People Cry'

What starts as an open-and-shut elimination for Sierra ends in a satisfying blindside

 

Pre-credit sequence. While I'm a bit sad to see Brendan and his JT-generated man-crush sent home, the absence of the Dragon means we no longer need to hear about Coach's alleged Dragon Slayer status, right? Right? The "Survivor Tocantins" Elite Eight returns to camp at the start of Thursday (April 23) night's episode. Everybody is happy and gloating. Well, everybody except for Sierra, who calls it the worst night she's had in Brazil, Sierra asks if things can at least be congenial in her last days in the game. She begins her campaign for Miss Congeniality by apologizing to Coach for writing his name down. "Every decision you made is bad," Coach lectures Sierra, before mispronouncing the word "assuage." He then instructs Sierra that in this game, it's "kill or be killed" and he's not about to be killed.

[Full recap after the break...]

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<p>Lil Rounds of 'American Idol'</p>

Lil Rounds of 'American Idol'

Credit: Michael Becker/FOX

Recap: 'American Idol' - Double-Elimination cuts the 'Idol' field to 5

Lil Rounds was sent home quickly, but who joined her on the double-elimination night?

9:00 p.m. ET "Two journeys end tonight," Ryan Seacrest reminds us as Wednesday (April 22) night's "American Idol" results show begins. "And no one is safe." I'm instantly intrigued. 

9:02 p.m. Ryan gets moderate cheers for revealing the ongoing "American Idol" commitment to Going Green. He generates far more excitement by telling the crowd that if they wait long enough, David Archuleta will show up.

[Results after the break...]

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<p>Lawrence Taylor and Edyta Sliwinska of 'Dancing with the Stars'</p>

Lawrence Taylor and Edyta Sliwinska of 'Dancing with the Stars'

Credit: Kelsey McNeal/ABC

Recap: 'Dancing with the Stars' Results - Lawrence vs. Ty

After 58 minutes of filler, the 'Dancing' elimination came down to an NFL legend and a rodeo icon

Who will be going home tonight!?!?

We'll find out after 58 minutes of garbage, starting off with a complete re-do of last night's 60s-themed group dance, and then lengthy recaps of every single performance. In case you need the summary: The group dance was lame, Ty and Lawrence are in serious trouble, while everyone else - unless the home voters show us some bizarre judgement - is looking good to make it to next week.

[Recap and results after the break...]

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<p>Adam Lambert of 'American Idol'</p>

Adam Lambert of 'American Idol'

Credit: FOX

Recap: 'American Idol' - It's Disco Night for the Top 7

Lil faces more criticism, Adam pulls another surprise and Matt faces the judges who saved him

Ryan Seacrest begins Tuesday (April 21) night's "American Idol" in the midst of a projected inferno. A Disco inferno? Why yes. Tuesday night is Disco Night on "American Idol," rarely the finest showcase for 21st Century singing talent.

But whether the "Idol" Top 7 handles the theme with aplomb or not, their mere performances will be a welcome distraction from a week dominated by mockery of last week's Judges' Save of Matt Giraud and rumors of Simon Cowell's departure after next season.

Full recap after the break...

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<p>Carlos Bernard of '24'</p>

Carlos Bernard of '24'

Credit: FOX

Recap: '24' Episode 19 (2 a.m. to 3 a.m.)

Kim has a daughter, Tony has an evil plan, Hodges has a Red Pill and Jack has a seizure

Tony, Tony, Tony has done it again.

FOX is getting to be a network of weird end-of-episode juxtapositions.

On Sunday night, "Family Guy" spent the better part of an episode arguing in favor of the legalization of marijuana, claiming that the fight to criminalize pot is mostly being waged by crazed industrialists and mocking general anti-drug campaigns. The episode ended and cut immediately into a Partnership for a Drug-Free American PSA modeled after FOX's low-rated game show dud "Hole in the Wall." It was a tasty mixed message.

Then, on Monday (April 20) night, "24" spent an hour with Tony Almeida plotting to kill federal agents. It was an episode geared toward silencing the doubters who suspect that Tony is still good at heart. Then, immediately after the episode, we were treated to Carlos Bernard, telling us to do our part to fight Global Warning. Because Bernard isn't exactly the most versatile of actors, his sneer remained unchanged from the end of the episode to the PSA. Since I can no longer trust a word that Tony says, I can only assume that he's secretly conspiring against the environment. 

So my message to "24" viewers: DON'T DO ANYTHING TONY SUGGESTED!

We all know what Admiral Ackbar would say in this situation...

[Full recap of Monday night's "24" after the break...]

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<p>Zachary Quinto of 'Heroes'</p>

Zachary Quinto of 'Heroes'

Credit: Chris Haston/NBC

Recap: 'Heroes' - 'I Am Sylar'

As Sylar struggles to maintain his sense of self while shape shifting, Hiro and Ando concoct a plan to take down Building 26.

It’s like the show wants me to hate it sometimes, I swear. It feels like the only explanation as I watch a show completely either retcon, retrofit, or dismember some previously established fact about the “Heroes” universe multiple times per episode all because the common sense of continuity would bring everything to a crashing halt. But hey, least there’s only one more episode in this volume, right?

Read on for schizophrenic spoilers…

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<p>Chuck Wicks and Julianne Hough of 'Dancing with the Stars'</p>

Chuck Wicks and Julianne Hough of 'Dancing with the Stars'

Credit: Kelsey McNeal/ABC

Recap: 'Dancing with the Stars' - Performances - Week 7

Melissa gets the highest scores, but Shawn, Chuck and Gilles are close behind

 

In the first group dance of the season, Tom lets us know we are in store for "the most INTENSE night of dancing to date." He also reminds us of the ratings-stunt-of-the-week: the "stars" have designed the professional designers outfits. Though I question how capable a football star or "cowboy king" are at designing a full-on dress in a matter of seven days, here they come... And on first glance, everyone seems pretty covered up, particularly Edyta, for which Lawrence did the NFL proud by "designing" a full-length coat with fur on the collar and cuffs. It's a Dr. Zhivago nightmare.

 

Full recap of Monday (April 20) night's "Dancing with the Stars" after the break...

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<p>Luke and Margie of 'The Amazing Race'</p>

Luke and Margie of 'The Amazing Race'

Credit: CBS

Recap: 'The Amazing Race' - 'Our Parents Will Cry Themselves to Death'

The elimination was a dud, but things grew heated between Luke & Margie and Jen & Kisha

I'm not saying that the creative team on "The Amazing Race" would ever actively root for a physical and verbal altercation between two teams, a showdown with all manner of unsettling undertones, but if ever there were an episode where they might feel grateful that that sort of incident occurred, it would be Sunday (April 19) night's.

[Spoilers for Sunday night's "Amazing Race" episode, titled "Our Parents Will Cry Themselves to Death," after the break....]

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