"Tonight, our stars are in double trouble," Tom exclaims in the intro the third elimination episode of "Dancing With The Stars." He's referring to the show's "first ever!" double elimination week, though we've yet to learn if this means a double dance-off. Tom also lets us know that co-host Samantha Harris, barely able to speak due to some sort of laryngitis-y illness (which provided much entertainment last night), will be giving her voice "a rest tonight." Aw..
An excessive recap informs what anyone who watched last night already knows - perfect scorer Gilles, as well as Lil Kim and Melissa were the week's big winners with the judges, while Holly, Steve and Steve-O are going into the double elimination with really, really low scores.
And what's this? Gilles & Cheryl are going to re-perform their perfect score dance? Tom explains this is a "Dancing" staple, and I should have known as the contestants get fewer, the filler gets more excessive. But after watching it last night, and getting a third of it replayed in the recaps, do we really need it again?? And besides, they don't possess the same intensity they had last night (reasonably, I assume, because they're very tired). So why mess with the memory? Ah, yes. You have a FULL HOUR of programming for something that could take two minutes.
Tom, after once again informing us yet again why Samantha isn't speaking, tells us that there WON'T be a dance-off of any kind tonight. Why? "Because its a double-elimination." Tom - that doesn't really explain the reasoning. Why not do a triple dance off? You've got the time.
Anyway, we finally get the first two safe couples: Gilles & Cheryl (shocker!), and Lawrence & Edyta (alright, that's actually a bit surprising.. but I assume Lawrence has the football-enthusiast boyfriends of "Dancing" fans vote all tied up). And the first couple in the bottom three: Holly & Dmitry (they're so gone tonight). And the first performer to whore themselves out on "Dancing with the Stars" tonight: Kevin Rudolf, who I am completely unaware of by name. He sings "Let It Rock," a song I do recognize but not in any positive way. The supplementary interpretative dance is really awkward. No professionally choreographed dance should ever be created to this song. It looks like a strip show. Rudolf looks like a 45 year old man dressed like what he thinks 20 year olds dress like. I wikipedia him to learn he's 26, but stand by my opinion.
One more safe couple: Shawn & Mark (not a surprise, but seriously: at least give us two at a time)
Jewel has allegedly complained to Tom that he's blocking her shot. Tom decided to acknowledge this on live television, thus making for the night's best moment so far as Jewel looks super embarrassed. And now, from best to worst: it's time for some ballroom dancing number choreographed by someone who's name I didn't catch but I assume is a dancing world big shot. Bathroom break!
I come back to a montage of stars and dancers discussing the "double elimination." Some of them are kind of confused about how it works. Explain to us again, Tom!
One more safe couple: Chuck & Julianne (ugh), and one more not-so-safe couple: Steve-O & Lacey, and... another performer: Boyz II Men. Who are most definitely finished with the transformation suggested in their name. And I thought there were four of them? Anyway, they're a step up from Rudolf, but get TWO numbers (including "End of the Road," which I'll admit gets the 12 year old in me a little excited).
After a pointless montage of the judge's thoughts on the season so far, this show finally gets going: Lil' Kim & Derek (yay) and Melissa & Tony are both safe. So that leaves David & Kym, Ty & Chelsie, & Steve & Karina for the last bottom slot. You'd THINK given their 12 last night, it'd be Steve & Karina, but who knows...
Cue a 6 minute tutorial as to how "Dancing With The Stars" voting works. I swear to god, next week I'm only blogging the last 10 minutes.
Finally, we're here (I think, though I'm sure they'll cram in another montage somehow). Ty & Chelsie? Safe. Steve & Karina? Bottom three. So David & Kym are safe, and the judge's lowest three scorers are rightfully the overall lowest scorers.
With no dance-off, here we go... The double couple voted off tonight: Holly & Dmitry, and - in a bit of a surprise - Steve & Karina. Holly doesn't seem like she cares, but Steve gives a heartfelt little speech about Karina. Cue "End of the Road" (well isn't that perfect) as they do their final dances.