Recapping Television's Hottest Shows with Monkeys as Critics
In which a toga challenge gives Michele some power and Ronnie has to scurry
I'm still basking in the glow of Ronnie's head being on the chopping block, so you may need to give me a moment here. Ahhhh.... Okay, back to the game.
Lydia and Ronnie are, of course, on the block (I can't say that enough, really), and Ronnie says he has plenty of tricks up his sleeve, so he's not all that worried. Which again makes me wonder why Ronnie was ever in the Brains clique (really, nearsightedness and pastiness do not a smartypants make). He's also not sweating the POV competition, since he assumes Jessie, in his big guns manliness will win even if brainiac Ronnie doesn't. And this isn't a totally ridiculous theory, since Jessie does seem to have a certain eerily useful skill set when it comes to stupid competitions, but I'm so hoping he's wrong.
[Full recap of Tuesday (Aug. 4) night's "Big Brother" after the break...]
Sam gets suspicious, Jessica gets sexy and Sookie awaits rescue on HBO's 'True Blood'
If I think of Lafayette, he will appear. If I think of Lafayette, he will appear.
Dammit, it's just Sam, the shape-shiftin' sacrifice. We've had, what, six episodes of True Blood Season Two and we've gotten a lower percentage of Lafayette per episode than the juice content of a bottle of Orangina. Then again, the show writers have pretty much hamstrung Lafayette's character and turned him circumspect and sad and even a little boring. Maybe he should just stay rare.
[Recap for Sunday (August 2) night's "True Blood" after the break...]
In which the athletes retain HoH control, lots of prizes are given out and two players go up for eviction
Apologies to Ben Folds, but this show is edging toward a battle of who I can care about less. The real players emerging are pretty damn unlikable. I mean, can I sleep at night if I root for Jessie? Or Nathalie? Or, God forbid, Ronnie? Right now I'm hoping for a sudden upset from Jeff or Michele, or maybe the emergence of a soul in Russell, because otherwise, seriously, you can take these housemates and flush ‘em as far as I'm concerned.
[Full recap of Sunday (Aug. 2) night's "Big Brother" after the break...]
Cat Deeley hates Thursdays and after this week's cuts, we understand why
We're going into the finale, everyone, so brace yourselves! Two more dancers are going home. And you know it's going to suck, because at this point no one really deserves to go home. So, yes, Cat, you can say it. Thursdays are not fun, or at least not anymore.
[To find out how un-fun Thursday (July 30) night's "So You Think You Can Dance" was, click through...]
In which somebody goes home, Julie introduces a new twist and the HoH is left hanging
Okay, I've seen the promos – there's a Big Twist in the works, Angry Smoking Banana Casey looks psyched and Michele is pissed. And, knowing promos, it means absolutely nothing. All I'm saying.
Julie Chen says tonight is graduation, which I guess we should have expected given the theme of the show. Although I will say the clique thing didn't seem to have much at all in common with real high school, in that the Popular clique (with the exception of Jordan) is out on its ass, the Brains (with the exception of Michele) are about as book smart as my handbag and the Off-Beats... well, they're all a little weird, so that can stand.
[Full recap of Thursday (July 30) night's "Big Brother," complete with results, after the break...]
In individual and couple performances, Brandon and Kayla shine
Boy, this season is blowing by fast, isn't it? We're down to the final six, which means this show is going to be more stuffed full of starchy filler than a vegan Thanksgiving turkey. But gotta get those two hours of top ratings!
Lil 'C is back on judges' panel, which can only be good because he never makes any sense and he actually makes Mary and her corny jokes look like a towering paragon of coherence. Mary admits that she was shocked to see Janette go, then urges the American public to stop being a-holes and vote for the best dancer of the season, not favorite performances. Nigel agrees that people are voting for great routines, then says it's up to the dancers to emerge as stars to win it.
Then, it's time for the dancin'.
[Recap of Wednesday's (July 29) "So You Think You Can Dance" after the break...]
In which Jordan tires of being a pawn, Casey becomes a banana and the PoV brings change
Well, Jordan and Michele are on the block, all part of Jessie's master plan to backdoor... someone. Sure, it's supposed to be Ronnie, but c'mon, when has this game ever gone the way you want it to?
[Full recap of Tuesday night's "Big Brother" after the break...]
Bill sings, Jason contemplates celibacy, Lafayette gets a strange offer and Sookie may have trouble
Now taking all bets: Will Vampire Bill prove snoozeworthy this episode or merely boring? Either way, the house wins, addicted viewers like us lose.
[Full recap of Sunday (July 26) night's "True Blood," titled "Hard-Hearted Hannah," after the break...]
In which a strange love triangle forms, Darth Ronnie sees hope and Michele tries to do something
Okay, Jessie. Here's your chance to prove yourself to be more than a musclebound lunkhead by taking Ronnie down. But rooting for Jessie to do the right thing is kind of like hoping the Chicago Cubs will win the World Series. Just give up and consider a new hobby.
[Full recap of Sunday (July 26) night's "Big Brother 11" after the break...]
Katie Holmes dances and 'So You Think You Can Dance' cuts its field to six
It’s the 100th episode of “SYTYCD,” so Katie Holmes is going to hoof it up (in a pre-recorded segment – yawn) and it’s all going to be very celebratory and exciting, right up until someone gets kicked to the curb and their little dream of dancing supremacy gets squished like a bug, at which point it will be very depressing. Yay, Thursday.
For the opening number the group dances to “One” from “A Chorus Line” in white tuxes and top-hats, which should have been exciting but really wasn’t all that.
[Full recap of Thursday's "So You Think You Can Dance" after the break, complete with results.]