<p>Mr. Shuester in &quot;Glee&quot; episode 10, &quot;Ballad&quot;</p>

Mr. Shuester in "Glee" episode 10, "Ballad"

'Glee' musical recap: Mr Schuester, Rachel, Finn sing it like they mean it in 'Ballad'

Kurt reveals his 'Endless Love' to Finn; Quinn's folks refuse to 'Stand By' her as Glee says 'Lean On'

It truly is “New Moon” week, as Kristen Stewart’s ever-present “I’m gonna throw up” facial expression in the “Twilight” films seemed to serve as an inspiration to the characaters on this weeks “Glee.”

“Ballad,” aired last night (Nov. 18) was chock full of uncomfortable, scary and downright barf-worthy moments, as Rachel developed a flash crush on Mr. Schuester, Finn gets caught singing to a sonogram by his mom, Kurt tries to reveal his “Endless Love” for Finn, and Quinn and Finn come clean about her pregnancy to her parents.

Mr. Schuester wants to prep Glee for sectionals by having them learn ballads, so he randomly pairs everyone up with singing partners, with the unfortunate fortune that puts Rachel with him. She goes from zero to stalker in about 15 minutes, but little does she know that Schue has dealt with schoolgirl crushes before. The worst of them was Suzy Pepper, who tried to kill herself with, well, a really hot pepper, upon discovering her love for Mr. Schuester was unrequited. After years of psychotherapy and “an esophagus transplant,” she makes a cameo to warn Rachel that her unrealistic crush on someone as unattainable as her own teacher was just a sign of poor self-esteem.

Realizing the err o’ her ways (even after an attempt of 1998 Jennifer Paige single "Crush") Rachel apologizes to Schue for behaving like she did and references Elton John’s 1976 ballad “Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word” – a sweet idea, except that the lyrics to that track are still, well, a little Dr. Stalky.

We were kind of hoping for a Suzy song number (Patsy Cline’s “Crazy,” perhaps), but alas, she only gets to rock Extreme’s “More than Words” on her way to imminent death.

At Kurt’s urging, Finn gets in touch with his feelings about his unborn child, which in turn spurs him to tell Quinn’s parents about the pregnancy when he’s invited to dinner. The ex-Cheerio’s mom already had her suspicions, though, when Quinn’s Chastity Ball gown (really?) wouldn’t zip up like it should. Still, mom showed no defense for her daughter when dad flew off the rails, disowned Quinn and kicked her out of the house.

Oh, if only Finn had devised a song, instead, about the dubious means by which he “impregnated” Quinn (pre-ejaculation swimming in a hot tub all the way to Quinn’s uterus? Let’s step up the sex-ed, Ohio), then he and the Quinn Parentals would have a good laugh – while Quinn would still be kicked out of the house and into the loving arms of the real swimmers-giver, Puck. Instead, she’s able to stay at Finn’s, as his widowed mom invites her to “stay as long as you want.”

Finn gave us our new “out” line when he’s calling Kurt in the bathroom (“I have to go, they’ll think I’m pooping”), and we appreciate the Billboard chart ref, “If we were gonna rank crush-worthy teachers at the school, you’d be number one with a bullet,” from guidance counselor Emma.

The band poster over Finn’s bed was for Dashboard Confessional headlining Thrice opening, a tour that occurred in 2004. That puts Finn five years younger when he went… good thing that was an all-ages stint.

Kudos to writers, too, for correctly aligning "pop" with Ohio in the great soda v. pop debate.

“Endless Love”

We get a song early on in the ep as Rachel shows the class how a ballad is done. The natural go-to is this track, sung originally in 1981 by Diana Ross and Lionel Richie. It was a theme to a movie starring Brooke Shields, but also had its cheesiness mocked in Adam Sandler's "Happy Gilmore." ("Friends listen to 'Endless Love' in the dark!")

A fun side note: "Endless Love" was only the second-biggest single that year, while Olivia Newton-John's "Physical" beat them out. That singer rears her head at the end of this episode, when Kurt tries to tell Finn that he's in love with him, saying that he's chosen the Oli-ballad "I Honestly Love You" (released in 1974).

We dedicate this slow dance to you, Kurt and Finn!


"I'll Stand By You"

(13:05 in full episode below.)

Kurt blames all of Finn's problems on girls shortly before suggesting Finn sing a song to his unborn child, "I'll Stand By You" by the Pretenders. The words flow as he gently caresses his computer, which is playing the sonogram of his unborn daughter. Mom catches him, or "catches" him, he tells all.

This track isn't nearly as vintage as Diana and Elton, as it was released in 1994, but still it was that band's biggest hit. I think I remember bandleader Chrissie Hyde taking care of sick dude in the music video released back then, but damn if I can't find the thing in the internet ether...


"Don't Stand So Close To Me"/"Young Girl"


Trying to ward off Rachel's love, Schue sings a mash-up of two "you're too young for me" songs. She ends up misinterpretting the message nonetheless.

The former, done by The Police, was a cautionary tale of a teacher getting involved with his "young subject" who has a crush on him, inspired in part by "that famous book by Nabakov," "Lolita."

The latter was done at the end of the '60s by Gary Puckett & the Union Gap. It, too, only made it to No. 2 on the Hot 100 chart, bless its heart. "Young Girl, get out of my mind / My love for you is way out of line" is a little off-message for this purpose, but Rachel wasn't gonna get the point, regardless.


"(You're Having) My Baby"


 This simultaneously horrendous and sentimental number was sung by Finn to Quinn's parents to send 'em a message, and was penned and performed by Paul Anka, a duet with Odia Coates. It was released in 1974.

Not nearly as bad as R. Kelly's "Pregnant." At all. I mean, really. But it's up there.


"Lean on Me"


Oh man, who hasn't used this song. There's no other that quite conveys the group jam mentality as this 1972 Bill Withers classic. The Glee club sings this one to Finn and Quinn to show them their support through this difficult time, with another Mercedes/Artie pair-off. A little forced in this episode, but if there ever was a show that's a driver for a track like this, it's "Glee."

It evokes, too, another school scene that used the tune: in the Morgan Freeman-starring 1989 film by the same name. If you don't get goosebumps watching it in its context, you have no heart. Maybe Mr. Schuester's arch nemesis Sue could use a little "Lean on Me."

<p>&nbsp;Nicole of 'America's Next Top Model'</p>

 Nicole of 'America's Next Top Model'

Credit: Nigel Barker/The CW

Recap: 'America's Next Top Model' Finale - America's Next Top Model Is...

It's Laura versus Nicole for 'Top Tiny Model' crown. Who would stand (relatively) tall?

Here it is! The tiny final episode in this wee cycle of America’s Short Top Model! In one corner, standing short feet, short inches is Laura, aka the Castrator, and in the other, Nicole, the stealth contender with the killer monotone!

[Full recap of Wednesday (Nov. 18) night's "America's Next Top Model" finale after the break...]

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<p>&nbsp;Nathan of 'So You Think You Can Dance'</p>

 Nathan of 'So You Think You Can Dance'

Credit: FOX

Recap: 'So You Think You Can Dance' - Week 4 - Eliminations

One dancer flies high and gets eliminated anyway

Yes, it’s Cat Deeley’s least favorite day of the week – elimination Wednesday. And I’ll admit, it’s not my favorite either, in part because the people I think should go home (Mollee, Nathan, ahem) never seem to get kicked to the curb. But hope springs eternal, as there were some pretty stinky performances (and some pretty amazing ones as well) last night, so  you’ve got to think eventually justice will reign. Right? Right?

[Full recap of Wednesday (Nov. 18) night's "So You Think You Can Dance," complete with results, after the break...] 

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<p>&nbsp;Morena Baccarin and Christopher Shyer of 'V'</p>

 Morena Baccarin and Christopher Shyer of 'V'

Credit: Michael Courtney/ABC

Recap: 'V' - 'A Bright New Day'

Anna gets a visa, Erica gets a new partner and the Resistance grows

"A Bright New Day" is half snooze, half actual plot momentum, as though the producers of "V" realized about midway through that, hey, this is a show about alien warfare they're building here, so everyone involved might as well get down to fightin' some aliens. With all of the ABC "Lost"-alikes this season, it often seems like the network really truly thinks that what made "Lost" such a popular show with so many people was its sense of dramatic portent, those scenes when the characters stared ominously into the distance as ominous music played and ominous birds made ominous noises off in the ominous distance. But that's not why it was at all! "Lost" is a really fun show, and it has a great sense of how to balance out its ability to be portentious with its ability to have, like, Hurley drive a van through some Others. So far, "V" and "FlashForward" haven't quite figured this out yet, but at least there were indications "V" knows the direction to head in in this episode.

But the bad thing is that all involved with "V" apparently think the best way to go about a show about killin' those damned aliens is by turning it into a police procedural. Tonight, there's a death threat against the V's, so, naturally, they turn to Elizabeth Mitchell's Erica because a.) the V's don't have security measures of their own and b.) Erica's the only woman for the job and c.) No one's apparently realized that she was Dale's partner, and maybe the fact that he died and was with her at the resistance meeting where he died doesn't raise any alarms for the V's, who mostly seem concerned with making sure they're pleasing all of the people all of the time at this stage of their mysterious plan. (To the show's credit, at least Erica and Joel Gretsch's Jack vocalized some of our questions about what's going on, like why the V's don't just blast us all to kingdom come and then take our kangaroos or whatever it is they're here for.)

[More on Tuesday (Nov. 17) night's "V" after the break...]

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<p>&nbsp;Kevin of 'So You Think You Can Dance'</p>

 Kevin of 'So You Think You Can Dance'

Credit: FOX

Recap: 'So You Think You Can Dance' - Week 4 - Top 14 Performances

A paso doble rocks while 'Sweet Charity' turns sour

Well, we’re down to the final 14, and I can’t believe we’re already to the point in the competition where everyone’s so darn good you’re sorry to see anyone go home... wait, Kathryn’s still here... and oh yeah, Mollee and Nathan are still stinking  up the joint, so scratch that thought altogether. Would all of you Twitards who are keeping them in the competition go see “New Moon” and stop voting for a minute? I know Nathan’s cute and you want to be Mollee’s giggle buddy, but really, they can’t even get through the show intro without screwing up.

[Recap of Tuesday (Nov. 17) night's "So You Think You Can Dance" after the break...] 

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<p>&nbsp;Adrian Pasdar and Milo Ventimiglia of 'Heroes'</p>

 Adrian Pasdar and Milo Ventimiglia of 'Heroes'

Credit: Chris Haston/NBC

Recap: 'Heroes' - 'Brother's Keeper'

As Hiro's travels to the past reveal the true nature of Samuel's power, Parkman reveals the true nature of Nathan's demise to Peter.

For weeks, “Heroes” fans have patiently awaited an explanation for Samuel’s recruitment process and his ultimate goal. In tonight’s episode, “Brother’s Keeper,” they finally got their answer. Did it satisfy? As with all things about the “Redemption” volume, yes and no. While the answer more or less proved organic in the context of what we’ve seen so far, it’s unclear if that answer is anything more than the histrionic desire for POWER. Sweet, delicious, augmented POWER! 

[Full recap of Monday (Nov. 16) night's "Heroes" after the break...]

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<p>&nbsp;Dan and Sam of 'The Amazing Race'</p>

 Dan and Sam of 'The Amazing Race'

Credit: CBS

Recap: 'The Amazing Race' -- 'We're Not Meant for the Swamp'

Matt & Gary get a relaxing Speed Bump, while tensions flare between Sam & Dan and the Globetrotters

 I don't like non-elimination legs on "The Amazing Race." Well, sure, I'd have gladly taken a non-elimination leg when poor Team Aspy lost their documents and went from first-to-last in an instant. And I guess I wouldn't have turned the reprieve down any of the two or three times in the past that non-elimination legs have saved teams that I genuinely liked. But in general? I'm not a fan.

One thing I know for sure, though, after Sunday (Nov. 15) night's "Amazing Race," is that it's time for the show's producers to rethink the added obstacle faced by the teams surviving non-elimination legs. Because this Speed Bump thing has become a total failure.
[Full recap, with results, after the break...]
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<p>January Jones couldn't match her 'Mad Men' co-star Jon Hamm's excellent outing as an 'SNL' host.</p>

January Jones couldn't match her 'Mad Men' co-star Jon Hamm's excellent outing as an 'SNL' host.

Credit: SNL

Recap: 'Saturday NIght Live' - January Jones masters fart humor

Watch clips from the best of the Jason Sudeikis dominated show


It's been awhile since we've had a chance to visit "Saturday Night Live," but besides missing what turned out to be a popular hosting stint by none other than Taylor Swift it seems this season hasn't necessarily turned around yet aside.  So, it was with great hope that we tuned to catch "Mad Men's" January Jones inaugural stint as host.  Who knew Jones would be forced to resort to potty humor and it would turn into Jason Sudeikis' night to dominate the show instead?

Intro: A Message from the Vice President

Sudeikis gives us a taste of things to come as he appears once again as Vice President Joe Biden.  Seems Biden has crashed the Oval Office while President Obama is overseas in Asia. Biden admits he's not allowed in the White House, but explains "Why am I here? Because Joe Biden follows his heart and not instructions." He also promises that while Obama's gone he'll solve one of the three following problems: Afghanistan, Economy or Health Care. Afghanistan?  Not possible, "It's worse than Scranton."  Fix the economy? "We already did it. The stimulus is working. Remember: the stimulus is working!"  Health Care? "We're gonna crave in like crazy. [The President will] literally sign anything. Remember that public option? Poof!"
Instead, Biden promises to get Health Care passed and add a middle class tax cut. "Joe, how are you going to pay for a 1.2 trillion plan by cutting taxes?  Finally..."
...it's live from New York, blah, blah, blah...

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<p>&nbsp;Matthew Davis of 'The Vampire Diaries'</p>

 Matthew Davis of 'The Vampire Diaries'

Credit: The CW

Recap: 'The Vampire Diaries' - 'History Repeating'

Things keep getting witchier for Bonnie, Stefan and Damon bond and there's a mysterious new teacher in town

Bonnie gets possessed this week on “The Vampire Diaries,” but it’s only the centerpiece around which juicy other happenings sizzle beneath the surface. A hot new teacher? Check. Paul Wesley crying AND shirtless? Give us more. Damon’s secret unveiled? You betcha. But with all of the nods to “New Moon,” is “The Vampire Diaries” piggybacking on this month’s “Twilight” movie? 

[Full recap of Thursday (Nov.12) night's "The Vampire Diaries" after the break...]   

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<p>&nbsp;Carol Hannah of 'Project Runway'</p>

 Carol Hannah of 'Project Runway'

Credit: Lifetime

Recap: 'Project Runway' - 'Finale Part 1'

A mean stomach flu puts one of the top three in danger

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! It's time for Fashion Week! Or at least a whiff of Fashion Week, because it's part one of the finale so we're not all the way there yet, but at least we're close. Althea, Carol Hannah and Irina are getting ready to duke it out which should be all kinds of good TV, and I'm bracing myself for those tedious Very Special Home Visits we usually get subjected to, but hey, you've got to take some bitter with the sweet, I suppose. I'm hoping it will all be worth it because Irina will somehow make a horrible misstep and design total crap, though I know that's about as likely as Carrie Prejean doing a sex tape... hey now, wait a minute!

[Full recap of Thursday's (Nov. 12) "Project Runway" after the break...]

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