<p>&nbsp;Irina of 'Project Runway'</p>

 Irina of 'Project Runway'

Credit: Lifetime

Recap: 'Sequins, Feathers and Fur, Oh My!'

Bob Mackie and a special guest inspire the tackiest designs of the season

Let me just say that this week's "Project Runway" challenge should have been a home run (or at least a lot easier than dyeing crappy 1980s wedding dresses) for our intrepid designers, but instead it only results in some of the worst Stevie Nicks/Britney Spears bedazzled, craptastic leftovers you could ever imagine. But with a guest judge/sequinholic like Bob Mackie at the judges' table, you couldn't exactly expect subtlety and sophistication. I swear I'm crossing my fingers waiting for Tim to announce, in his sober and avuncular way, that one week's challenge will be dressing pre-op drag queens or street hookers, because that will not only be super fun, but really, a natural progression.

[Recap of Thursday (Oct. 15) night's "Project Runway" after the break...]

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<p>&nbsp;Shambo of 'Survivor: Samoa'</p>

 Shambo of 'Survivor: Samoa'

Credit: CBS

Recap: 'Survivor: Samoa' - 'Walking on Thin Ice'

A downpour, an eating challenge, flying coconuts and a strategy-free Tribal Council
Pre-credit Sequence. Seriously, after a full day of Balloon Boy, how can you just switch gears to "Survivor: Samoa"? If I figure out, I'll let you know.  It's Night 11 in Galu and they're returning from their first Tribal Council, one Yasmin down. Shambo didn't expect Yasmin's ouster and she's irked she was kept in the dark. She goes to sleep, hoping to regroup the next day. With her napping, the "90210" girls sit around the fire and reflect on how nice things are in her absence. Monica, annoyed that Shambo wrote her name down, wants to take Shambo out next. But what would Balloon Boy think?
 
[Full recap of Thursday (Oct. 15) night's "Survivor: Samoa" after the break...]
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<p>&nbsp;Sundai of 'America's Next Top Model'</p>

 Sundai of 'America's Next Top Model'

Credit: The CW

Recap: 'America's Next Top Model' - 'Petite Ninja Warriors'

Tyra Banks sends her tiny models on go-sees and then strings them up on wires

Cue the faux hard rap music! "Top Model" is SO ON, b****es! Last week, someone-I-dunno got eliminated -- that's how scintillating and unforgettable she was -- and this week, the girls all get to do their obligatory wirework shoot. Now taking bets on who can't deal with heights.

And who will rise up as the next queen of cattiness, now that Bianca has been toppled.

"She has the social graces of a fetus," Kara hisses about Nicole.

Well, there's that, then.

[Full recap of Wednesday (Oct. 14) night's "America's Next Top Model" after the break...]

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<p>&nbsp;Hayden Panettiere of 'Heroes'</p>

 Hayden Panettiere of 'Heroes'

Credit: NBC

Recap: 'Heroes' - 'Hysterical Blindness'

As Claire desperately seeks normalcy, Sylar desperately seeks to remember his past

 

If tonight's episode of "Heroes" had its own super power, it would be the ability to put its audience to sleep before it was even over. Slow even by the show's own low standards, "Hysterical Blindness" didn't want me want to blind myself, but it certainly had me looking at the clock quite often. Wonder if Sylar could tell it was running a few seconds fast.

Let's break things down story by story. 

[Full recap of Monday's (Oct. 12) "Heroes" after the break...]

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<p>&nbsp;Bryan Batt of 'Mad Men'</p>

 Bryan Batt of 'Mad Men'

Credit: AMC

Recap: 'Mad Men' -- 'Wee Small Hours'

Sterling Cooper deals with two angry clients, and Betty hosts a fundraiser to protect a secret

 

On August 28th, 1963, Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his famous “I Have a Dream” speech in Washington, D.C. In the world of “Mad Men,” however, no one seems able to sleep, much less dream. The week featured haunted, exhausted, bloodshot eyes gazing at the world around them and trying to make sense of what they are seeing. And, as we all know, without proper rest we tend to not be our best. Maybe we do things before thinking. Maybe we make mistakes. Maybe we fall into old habits. 

[Full recap of Sunday night's "Mad Men" after the break...]

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<p>&nbsp;Phil Keoghan of 'The Amazing Race'</p>

 Phil Keoghan of 'The Amazing Race'

Credit: CBS

Recap: 'The Amazing Race' -- 'Sean Penn Cambodia Here We Come'

You can identify scarves and walk like a monkey, but without a passport, you can't race around the world
If tragedy is good television drama -- and "Brothers & Sisters" keeps trying to pretend it is -- then Sunday's (Oct. 11) episode of "The Amazing Race" was a very fine hour of TV.
 
If, however, you watch "The Amazing Race" for the teams you want to root for, or if you think that "tragedy" is much, much too strong a word for what transpired on Sunday's episode, then it was just a slightly sad and disappointing episode. 
 
Sunday's episode was the second consecutive week in which both the Roadblock and the Detour were easy enough that neither task actually impacted placement for the leg, which means that in the absence of the final twist, it might have been one of the show's dullest episodes to date, so the producers are probably relieved at The Really Bad Thing That Happened, because at least it gave them something to promote.
 
[Thoughts on Sunday's "Amazing Race" episode, with spoilers, after the break...]
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<p>&nbsp;Eliza Dushku of 'Dollhouse'</p>

 Eliza Dushku of 'Dollhouse'

Credit: Carin Baer/FOX

Recap: 'Dollhouse' - 'Belle Chose'

'Battlestar Galactica' co-star Michael Hogan guests as Victor gets to do something for the first time this season

 

Welcome, “Dollhouse” fans, to official Freak Out About “Dollhouse” week, the week when we realize that we’re fans of one of the two or three lowest-rated shows on all of network television and harden ourselves against cancellation accordingly. “Well, it’s all right,” we’ll sniff. “‘Instinct’ was OK, but it wasn’t that great, really. I mean, we got ‘Epitaph One,’ right? We can write fan fiction about that for years to come.” Sure, you can Twitter about watching the show on Hulu or you can send your Eliza Dushkus out onto Letterman, but what can you do to get America to watch a dark science fiction serialized procedural that’s ultimately about female empowerment and the indestructibility of the identity? Not a whole lot, especially opposite “Medium.”

But then, dammit, “Belle Chose” comes along and ruins the whole “I don’t care!” THING you have going on, and that makes it that much harder to realize that unless the ratings tick upward, there’s no way this show will be on in two weeks, regardless of what Fox’s promo voice says. In some ways, “Belle Chose” feels like what the show should have been from the start. There’s basically no advancement in the series’ overall arc in the episode, but the standalone story is one of the strongest the series has come up with, both deepening the series’ major themes and offering up a number of compelling character moments and plot twists. In short, this is probably the best pure standalone “Dollhouse” has done yet, and while that shouldn’t sound as impressive as it does, it’s taken this show quite a while to figure out how to tell the kinds of stories it likes to tell in a format where the story is over by the end of the episode. If “Dollhouse” had premiered with episodes this strong, we might not be in this predicament.

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<p>Ian Somerhalder and Paul Wesley on 'The Vampire Diaries.'</p>

Ian Somerhalder and Paul Wesley on 'The Vampire Diaries.'

Credit: the CW

Recap: 'The Vampire Diaries' - 'You're Undead to Me'

Damon breaks out of vampire jail, Elena pieces together Stefan's secret and Caroline throws a sexy car wash

 
Relationships in Mystic Falls are going through tough times this week: Stefan’s still holding out on Elena, Damon tried to eat Caroline, and even Jeremy’s starting to question the benefits of dating fellow drug enthusiast, Vicki. Most heinous of all, Damon is locked up for an entire episode and thus unable to take off his shirt! Don’t you people understand that we need our weekly fix of vampire abs in order to keep the faith?
 
[Full recap of Thursday (Oct. 8) night's "The Vampire Diaries" after the break...]

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<p>Heidi Klum hasn't her baby yet and she's still directing the designers on 'Project Runway.'</p>

Heidi Klum hasn't her baby yet and she's still directing the designers on 'Project Runway.'

Credit: Weinstein Company

Recap: 'Project Runway' - Wedding Dress Challenge Drama

But not how you think and are the wrong contestants getting the boot?

 

Another episode of PR, another chance to throw Raggedy Andy/Chucky/Nicolas under the bus. Maybe it’s just the lingering aftertaste of the white chaps and the Ice Queen Halloween-in-a-bag dress, but I just want him to go home. But I have a sinking feeling this week is not the week, since I think most of the designer will have their (wait for it) work cut out for them (bah-dum-dum!) with this week’s challenge. Now that it’s down to nine designers, it’s really anyone’s game.

Just as an aside, I have to say that downtown Los Angeles looks so much nicer in the opening credits of PR. Or maybe that’s just because you can’t smell the drunken bum pee on TV.

Irina thinks the other designers hate her a little for winning two challenges in a row. Logan thinks Irina is getting a little full of herself. Logan is not wrong. This week Irina took a quantum leap from doubting and insecure ingénue to haughty, kinda bitchy diva, and it’s so not flattering. In fact, I’d say it makes her look fat. So there.

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<p>Kara of 'America's Next Top Model'</p>

Kara of 'America's Next Top Model'

Credit: The CW

Recap: 'America's Next Top Model' - 'Dance With Me'

With assists from Jabbawockeez and Cirque Du Soleil, the girls learn how to move

 

Is it me or is the sky a little sunnier, the air a little sweeter, now that Bianca has left the Top Model house? I shall enjoy it while I can, here, while I recap the fifth episode of Cycle 13 of ANTM, because of course it's only a matter of time before the producers pick a new meanie. 

Squeee!

But I ain't mad at it.

[Full recap of Wednesday (Oct. 7) night's "America's Next Top Model" after the break...]

Ashley was the other girl in the bottom two last week. She needs to step up her game. Nicole, meanwhile, talks like she's stoned, which turns off Nigel. She needs to step up her ... diction, I guess. Others don't like Nicole either, because she doesn't fit in. That's exactly why I like her. Be yourself, girl! Don't squee! Power to the geeks!

The first TyraMail of the day also brings us our first copyrighted reference to "smize." Which is a stretch, because this next challenge is not about eyes, but rather the body. This is the Benny Ninja episode, where the vogue master teaches the models to pose. Li'l Mama also arrives to help with the dance instructions, as do the JabbawockeeZ dance troupe. The goal for the girls: Create dances that express certain emotions, blah, blah, blah, they only get an hour. I am totally sure that when Gisele was a bebeh model, her agency SO made her do this. UPHILL in the SNOW. 

The model dance team that wins also gets $17,000 worth of jewelry. 

Poor Ashley, who, as we've been told 40 times, has a background in dance, is paired with the totally uncoordinated Nicole and Erin.

Rae, Kara and Jennifer's team does a lovely interpretive dance worthy of Twyla Tharp. Sundai's team doesn't connect with the judges. Team Nicole gets daring and stares down Benny Ninja, but it backfires; Ninja just might be mad at it. Of course Rae's team wins. They get the jewelry. Squee!

Ashley declares today "Kill Ashley's Spirit Day." She calls her mom, but, surprisingly, does not cry. Excuse me, am I watching a reality show, or not?

The fashion shoot this week takes the girls out of their circus house and into the freak show that is Las Vegas. They are taken to a show by Cirque de Soleil. The shoot will be inspired by this sort of Gallic whimsy, apparently. Much squeeeing ensues. 

The models will be posing in groups of three, which makes for all kinds of cattiness. If the producers want to replace Bianca with a new villain, group shots are great ways to establish bitchiness.

Jennifer, Rae and Brittany are in the first group. Jennifer is the weak person in the group; Brittany and Rae get mad praise; Jennifer earns the title of "crazy" from Mr. Jay. 

"Jennifer fell flat," Mr. Jay hisses.

Sundai, Erin and Nicole are the next group. Erin gets the praise, as does Sundai. Poor Nicole. All that face. No love. And she still has that problem with the Gollum hands.

Ashley, Laura and Kara make up the final trio. Day-um. In front of the camera, Laura morphs from cowhand to Rachel Hunter. Ashley is the weak one in this group, though Kara also fades into the background. How anyone can fade into anything with a face like that just baffles. 

Yes, I do believe I'm mad at it.

The girls return to Los Angeles for panel. Because if Las Vegas had turned out to be their exotic destination for the season, the recession truly would have won. And hello! It's Josie Maran, tiny supermodel and guest judge! I was hoping they'd have her on. Nice girl, that.

Rae, Jennifer and Brittany are up first. Brittany is compared to the Bride of Frankenstein by Miss J. Rae, as we must be told at least once a week, is smizing. Jennifer is -- ouch -- blamed for bringing down all three girls!

Laura, Ashley and Kara are judged next. Laura gets a favorable comparison to Gisele. "You look like you're happy, you're climaxing," Josie giggles. ("She's taken some fierce juice," Tyra later surmises during panel.) Ashley looks powerless and sleepy next to her; Kara looks stiff and nervous, but it's Ashley who is the downer overall.

Erin, Nicole and Sundai are the final three. Erin gets a sorta-good review, spurring Tyra to name her as a "silent threat." Nicole is criticized for losing all her magic. Sundai looks meh, but overall, her film roll was the strongest. 

The callout -- first in threes, then individually -- goes thus: Brittany, Rae and Jennifer; Laura, Nicole, Sundai, Erin.

Kara and Ashley are in the bottom two. Kara gets slammed for not doing anything or being anybody. Ashley gets slammed for being a dancer and yet so sucky and completely untalented. Kara gets to stay, after a little lecture. Ashley is booted, serenaded by a dude singing on autotune.

Next week we get the go-see challenge, and the inevitable shoot where the girls get put up on wires. Until then, we're all left hanging.

 

Did the right girl go home? Do you still miss Evil Bianca?

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