<p>Zach of &quot;Big Brother&quot;</p>

Zach of "Big Brother"

Credit: CBS

Recap: 'Big Brother' Thursday - Eviction and a Jury Comeback

Will Arnett pours ice water on Julie Chen and other stuff happens too

I'm checking in on Thursday's (August 21) "Big Brother" after spending my afternoon and evening on the set of FOX's yet-to-shoot "Utopia," a new reality show that's exactly like "Big Brother" except for all of the ways it's completely different. 

"Utopia" isn't a competition and while people are sent home, they aren't "eliminations," per se. Also, nobody wins.

Somebody will definitely win on "Big Brother." And somebody will definitely go home, or at least to the Jury House, with the catch being that according to Julie Chen, tonight's episode will also feature the return of a recently eliminated hamster. 

So it sounds like tonight's "Big Brother" will actually be a zero-sum game?

Let's find out, after the break...

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Zingbot and the other Zingbot, Kathy Griffin

Recap: 'Big Brother' Wednesday - 5 Ways This Episode Ruled

Sometimes 'Big Brother' is boring. Other times it is thrilling, hilarious, and brilliantly stupid. This was one of those times.

I thought about it. Then I thought about it again. Turns out I'm not exaggerating or brainwashed (like Zingbot, our precious gyrating robot pal who visited the houseguests this week) regarding this week's episode. It really was fantastic, from the stupid Team America challenge to the POV game to the climactic final moment. Best episode of the season? Could be. Here are five reasons why. 

1. Donny is innocent but loves being scary as hell. 

For whatever reason, Donny has ended up outside the game's major alliance and there doesn't seem to be much of a way in. Our poor bearded chickadee. Sigh. But you have to give Donny "props" (quoth Zingbot) for using one of the few tools left in his arsenal: manipulation of the most impressionable person in the house, Zach. The little speech Donny gave Zach that planted necessary paranoia in his head about getting backdoored? Flawless. And also terrifying. Because Donny is terrifying. Here is the whole speech paraphrased:

"I do hope you win the veto, Zach. I had a special meeting with my alliance -- just me and a couple of napkins and a penny -- and we all agreed that you better win that veto. I don't really know nothing. Nothing at all, really. Truth is I just tied an old mitten to a weather vane, spun it around, and saw that it was pointing at -- well -- your demise, Zach. If you don't win, all I know is I got my mouth organ and a ditch down by the crossroads, and I'm prepared to give you a proper burial. Right proper with the sun shining and the vultures hovering and my cousin Myrna screamin' at God. You better win that veto, Zach. Or else the devil will exact his ultimate Zach Attack right up in this prairie barn."

And then Zach ended up on the block with Cody. Thanks for the tip, angelic/Satanic Donny!

2. Kathy Griffin is both a superstar and a superfan. 

Rare is it that outsiders get a chance to visit the "Big Brother" house during an active season and bask in the fluorescent glow of the gigantic Les Moonves ceiling portrait that only the houseguests can see. But Kathy Griffin is no ordinary outsider. The peerless comic visited the houseguests with our old pal Zingbot to prove that she is, in fact, the true Zing Queen (or in Russian: Czingrina). Griffin actually visited "The Talk" last year to discuss her feelings on BB15. "I don't care who wins," she said. "But I want to see a show about that jury house!" A sophisticated opinion from a true viewer, y'all. Sometimes I wonder if Amanda sat in that jury house vacillating between fingerpainting and punching herself in the face. She was not OK.

And it was awesome seeing Frankie react to Kathy's entrance. He clearly loved her. He also clearly thinks he's funny like her, which is a shame. I think Frankie would be bearable if he didn't insist on attempting humor ever. Every one of his confessionals amounts to, "WELL, NOW I'M USING A SILLY VOICE! ISN'T THAT SOMETHING? HMMMM?!" Unfortunately I stopped finding that technique funny at around the time my mom removed the "Sesame Street" mobile from my crib.

3. Zach's childish reaction to Kathy's zing could not have been gone better.

How cool was it that we got a round of zings from Kathy and the rehabilitated Zingbot? Double your rancor, double your fun. There were a couple of fantastic jokes in the mix, but the best of all was when Kathy asked Frankie, "Hey, what do you call someone who's not afraid to cry, wears pink, and cuddles with men? Zach!"

This is such an important part of the episode. First of all, Zach had no time to prepare himself for the zing, and God knows Zach can't handle a joke without 48 hours notice. While the other houseguests laughed it up, he scowled like the sensitive kid at the first grade lunch table who left his sandwich at home. Naturally Kathy decided to nuke his ass by walking over, leaning in, and hissing, "Zing, motherf*cker!" He laughed for a second, but it was a rough second. I don't have a problem with egomaniacs like Zach, but it is always, always, always funny to mock someone who refuses to laugh at himself. Thanks, Kathy, for approaching him like the bad colonel in "Cool Hand Luke" and needling him like the parking meter-clipping delinquent he is.

4. I don't think Victoria realized her robe was stolen.

Secretly the greatest part of this episode was not when Cody roamed the house shirtless searching for his disgusting hat or when Christine realized her marriage was in shambles because of Zingbot's wisdom; nope, it was when Caleb discovered the stolen Team America items in the recycling bin, began handing them back out to the houseguests, and Victoria realized for the first time that her damn robe was missing. At the top of the episode, Derrick -- who stole it -- said, "She wears this every day. She'll definitely notice it." But Derrick: Victoria hasn't even noticed that she's on "Big Brother." She thinks she's at a Barbizon modeling school graduation, and she's here to show us that she perfected her stare-and-pivot. Man, she is so effortlessly useless. How does she do it? She's giving the ultimate second-place performance, and you have to love her for it. Did I say love her? I meant try to remember her name.

5. Like it or not, Frankie's kiss-off to Zach was great.

For whatever reason, Frankie used the Power of Veto (after a tough puzzle challenge involving electrical tubing and Zingbot's malfunctioning personality) to save Caleb and screw over Zach, his biggest ally in the game. I'm not sure who that move impresses, but I'll tell you one thing: Frankie's rhyming rationale for why he picked Zach was righteous as hell. It wasn't quite a rap, but his flow was sick in a gay poetry slam way. His damning ode ended "So Zach, my friend, go and have a seat / It's time for you and Julie Chen to finally meet." Yow! Electric! Is it possible for Zach to worm his way out of this? If the power of rhyme is any indication, the answer is: Zach Attack ain't comin' back. 

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Recap: 'Big Brother' Sunday - Nominations and Skittle-Power
Credit: CBS

Recap: 'Big Brother' Sunday - Nominations and Skittle-Power

Strategy has gotten too complicated for the hamsters to handle on their own

When it comes to surveillance video, it's hard to get more disorienting than transitioning from a LiveStream in Ferguson, Missouri to CBS' voyeuristic "Big Brother" and it saddens me that that's what I find myself doing tonight.

Between this unfortunate media juxtaposition and some exhausting travel, I can't say that I'm all that involved with what's going down on Sunday's (August 17) "Big Brother," but the job is the job...

So let's watch what happens!

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<p>Deborah Ann Woll of HBO&#39;s &quot;True Blood&quot;</p>

Deborah Ann Woll of HBO's "True Blood"

Credit: HBO

Recap: 'True Blood' - 'Love is to Die'

Jason finds a new use for frozen veggies, Eric allows Ginger to use him, and Bill settles for being more useless than ever

With one more episode to go, it doesn’t seem too premature to go ahead and award Ryan Kwanten, A.K.A. Jason Stackhouse, the coveted Hit Fix Award for Most Valuable Player of the final season of “True Blood.” As already predicted in this space, Jessica and Hoyt have finally, fully reunited, falling in bed together after Jessica has broken down and confessed to Hoyt that they used to be a couple before she cuckolded him with the irrepressible, sexually irresistible Jason, after which Hoyt asked her to erase all his happy memories of their time together before lighting out for Alaska. Hoyt is all forgiveness towards Jessica, but he does injure his fist by applying it directly to Jason’s hard ol’ head. Hoyt’s ex, Brigette, loads the unconscious Jason into her car and is driving him to the hospital when he comes to. She tells him that he needs medical attention, because he probably has a concussion. Jason has to laugh; the dear girl doesn’t know that he averages a concussion a week. Sometimes he bleeds from the ears from the strain of trying to do long division. 

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Recap: 'Outlander' - Castle Leoch: Official home of the Scottish Santa Guild

Will Claire's cover story hold up under the interrogation of Laird High Santa?

Welcome back, ladies and gentleman (men?). Last week we left Claire in the tender care of Scottish Santa and his merry band of disoriented-by-female-agency helper elves. Will Jamie (not Jaime from “Game of Thrones” as I was spelling it last week…though let’s be honest ladies, we wouldn’t kick Nikolaj Coster-Waldau off the horse, if you know what I’m saying) and Claire continue their tentative friendship? Or will figuring out day-to-day life in Castle Leoch overwhelm our combat nurse? Let’s find out!


We begin exactly where we ended last week, with Claire entering an ancient stone castle on horseback. Only now all the hay and peasant structures have moved inside because TV shows have budgets dammit, so they’re getting as much use out of Leaning Shack #4 as they can. To differentiate from the outside, everything now also has a layer of mud on it. Spring cleaning has obviously not been invented yet, because grime is caked on everyone and everything. Honestly being a peasant would be more hygienic than being aristocracy if this is the gold standard of living.

Claire stands out like a sore thumb in her white dress as everyone else dismounts and goes about the process of unpacking the horses. She looks uncomfortable and mad at herself for being uncomfortable. I would like to take this moment to just appreciate Caitriona Balfe’s micro-expresssions. 

One of the Scotsmen says something about a gathering later and I can only assume he means a gathering of Scottish Santas because Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ THEY. ARE. EVERYWHERE. Scottish Santa in the mud. Scottish Santa with his bud. Scottish Santa looking down from above. It’s an infestation!

Just as it occurs to me Claire is seriously outnumbered by bearded men in kilts, with nary another XX chromosome to be seen, 18th century Mrs. Graham appears. Her name is Mistress Fitzgibbons and thank God there’s only one of her because clearly I can’t keep my industrious middle-aged women right…apologies to the maligned Mrs. Baird of Episode One.

Mrs. Fitzgibbons tells the men they smell terrible, which must be TRULY awful since living in this castle would make anyone nose-blind to all but the most pungent of odors, before noticing they brought home a stray. With the resignation of any mother who has ever indulged a child saying “It followed me home, can I keep it please? Please??” she attempts to bundle Claire off into a Makeover Montage. But Claire is having none of it. She’ll worry about her immodest appearance later because right now it is time for flawless Bitch Face™. Jamie clearly needs his wounds disinfected before he rolls around in the bacterial heaven that is everything…just everything.

I cant tell if Mrs. Fitzgibbons is impressed with Claire’s gumption and medical knowledge or is secretly trying to guess what size stick they’ll need to burn her on a witch pyre. 

So off we go inside. All that setup in Episode One pays off in spades as Claire is led through the castle. We’re treated to a flashback of her walking in the 1940s with Frank spliced in with her current predicament because remembering things from a week ago is strenuous on the audience. 

My main takeaway here is medieval castles were dark and gloomy and depressing as hell. Maybe Scottish Santas are allergic to excessive sunlight? It discolors their magnificent ashen beards, which are obviously the source of their power.

After setting up the impromptu nursing station, Mrs. Fitzgibbons says we can just call her Mrs. Fitz which bless her because typing out her whole name was gonna give me carpal tunnel and/or continuous giggle fits because the idea of gibbons in Age of Enlightenment dress is hilarious and I am five years old.

Um, someone call Frank because THIS is how you do exposition. Jamie is shirtless and has enough scars on his back that he’s either been flogged or is secretly an alpha werewolf struggling to protect his pack and his secrets and…nope he was just flogged. By Black Jack Randall. What a small, plot convenient world. While Claire changes the dressing on Jamie’s bullet wound, he regales us with the story of how he was beaten for stopping Randall from raping Jamie’s sister Jenny. During this story, we learn several things.

    •    Jamie’s parents had a thing for alliteration.
    •    Randall definitely has an M.O. and it is that he is an asshole.
    •    Jamie is really bad at what constitutes as a ‘seduction’ story.
    •    Alternatively, Jamie is really GOOD at what constitutes a ‘seduction’ story because now we all know he is anti-rape which is a fine quality in any potential mate.
    •    Jamie has a fantastic immune system to have not died from his wounds.
    •    18th century women’s clothing can magically restitch after being torn down the front.
    •    Jack Randall is not worthy of his line, “That’s interesting.” You are no Jack Sparrow. In fact, you are a disgrace to the name Captain Jack. Good day to you, sir. I said good day!

There is then talk of levies and history and four years ago the British government sent out parties to collect food and other taxes and oh noooooooo! Guys Jamie has been infected. He is vomiting exposition. Is no one safe from this scourge!? 

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Recap: 'Big Brother' Thursday - Eighth Eviction and a Zombie Apocalypse for HoH
Credit: CBS

Recap: 'Big Brother' Thursday - Eighth Eviction and a Zombie Apocalypse for HoH

Did Nicole or Donny get to talk to Julie Chen tonight?

I don't want Donny *or* Nicole to go home.

So I'm not at all pleased with Thursday's (August 14) "Big Brother" elimination episode as we begin. 

Donny's just been playing the strangest of "Big Brother" games, winning key POV challenges and getting support from Frankie and Derrick on Team America, but in a House of alliances, he hasn't made any.

And Nicole has been excellent at winning Head of Household challenges, but not so effective at wielding her power. 

Let's see how things pan out on tonight's episode...

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Victoria on Big Brother 16

Recap: 'Big Brother' Wednesday - Who's Most Embarrassing?

Who was the most embarrassing houseguest this week? Match your rankings with ours.

I wish Gilbert Gottfried, who voiced Otev last night in "Big Brother's" traditional POV challenge centered around the fictional boss, had really ripped into the houseguests and said in his trademark screech, "What an annoying bunch of houseguests this year! What horrible voices! For Christ's sake! MORONS."  

Because they are annoying this year. Frankly, with Jocasta out of the house for now, we're really missing a core type of personality in the game: a happy person. Yeah, Cody is sort of affable. Christine seems friendly, and I loved her HOH blog this week. Donny is part possum, and possums always seem satisfied. But Jocasta truly beamed. She was never dogged by being on the block, and she usually responded to the threat of elimination by dialing herself up on a fake phone and throwing down an incoherent one-liner about God. Oh, how I miss it. Rumor is God does too.

This was an unusually embarrassing week for many of the houseguests. I thought we'd honor the memory of Jocasta, our Biblical bow-tied bisexual bae, by ranking the remaining houseguests in order of ascending embarrassment this week. Ahem:

9. Derrick (least embarrassing)

As far as I can tell, Derrick is still playing a flawless game of "Big Brother." To call him an embarrassment would be calling the very institution of "Big Brother" an embarrassment, and we know that's impossible because nothing about a show with contestants who spell out "CALTORU" and hope it's a real word is embarrassing. I was mesmerized listening to Derrick narrate Frankie's attempt to endear his alliance by coming out as Ariana Grande's brother/stalker/oldish superfan. It was like he'd been watching his own season on TV along with us. "He's throwing a line and hoping somebody grabs on," Derrick explained. "Frankie is extremely intelligent, he realizes that his back is against the wall, and he needs something else to spin this house around. He kind of diverts all the attention from the fact that he's told a bunch of lies these past couple weeks." Perfect description, Derrick. It makes me believe Derrick can really mastermind something unbeatable against Frankie when the time comes. For this alone, I forgive Derrick for having a head shape and eyeholes that resemble a bowling ball exactly.

8. Christine

Did you know that "BB" fans consistently rank Christine as their least favorite houseguest? Here's a complicated question I have about that: Why? She's goofy, not petty, strategic enough, and clearly a fan of the game. I swear to God the average "Big Brother" superfan watches the show just to idolize the contestants who ask to be idolized. Note: Of all the cocky contestants in "Big Brother" history, only Dr. Will is worthy of that reciprocation. The others are just horrifying raptors in swimsuits. This week HOH Christine was forced to replace Zach on the chopping block with basically the only other conceivable pick, Nicole. You hate to watch Christine officially side with the Detonators over Christine, but that upshot wasn't embarrassing so much as awkwardly inevitable. I think a Derrick/Christine final two would make for an exhilarating, competitive final debate for the $500,000. Imagine BB15 winner Andy Herren in the final two arguing with someone like Helen for the final prize. Not saying she'd win, but she'd certainly be able to complete a sentence without screaming, "I'm an open book!" or "Miss you, Nick!" in GinaMarie's emphysemic smoker rasp. 

7. Cody

Cody is a floater. Definitive floater. But he's not annoying in any way, so no one really cares to call him a floater. "Floater" is a term most often hurled at diplomatic contestants that people have already decided to hate. It's like when Madonna gets called "old." The snarker is pretending to have a point when they're just pointing out that the houseguest/pop superstar is doing her job: surviving and thriving. But Cody has lucked his way into the pillowy embrace of Derrick and the good graces of Zach and Frankie; I'm waiting to see when he makes a move to eliminate Derrick, the true manipulator of this season, and become his own player. He's had it so easy in this game that an attack on Derrick is really the only move he needs to make. 

6. Donny

Ohhhh, Donny. I want you to be the wizard of this game, magically winning POVs in a clutch and casting a spell of infallibility over the CBS lot. But you lost that damn Otev-branded POV almost immediately, and now it looks like you're about to be sent home in a near-unanimous vote. If you didn't sound so much like the twangy brother to "South Park's" Mr. Garrison (like the Spike to Mr. Garrison's Snoopy), I'd be less bothered by your elimination. But as such, you just don't have enough game to compete on "Big Brother," even if you seem aware of the qualities that make a good player. So long, moonshine Merlin.


5. Caleb

Caleb's been less embarrassing since Amber left the house, but he still is not self-aware enough to realize he says horrible things. Did I hear it right when he told Frankie, "If we were out of this house, I'd have kicked you straight in the teeth"? And he said that because... Frankie admitted his sister sometimes collaborates with Iggy Azalea? That's worth a quick slap, not a kick in the teeth. (Iggy Azalea is basically just the freshman girl waiting for Gwen Stefani under the bleachers in "Hollaback Girl." Harmless, sassy, and a little scared.) I also cringed during the Otev-starred POV challenge when Caleb declared that he wasn't a tool. The gray henley tanktop says otherwise, kid.

4. Victoria

It seems unfair to call Victoria embarrassing because it's only right to call her nothing. But come on. How can you be a functioning adult with a pituitary gland when you literally believe "escapegoat" goat is a word? "Escapegoat." She said it. She said it loud. There was no escape(goat) from it. And then she had the nerve to break down when she Zach blabbed to her about Derrick's shifty allegiance. Basically, Victoria was horrified to learn that people on "Big Brother" are playing "Big Brother." She thinks "Big Brother" is a conversion camp for people who want to be Sims. Except Victoria could never be a Sim because her gibberish isn't funny enough. 

3. Nicole 

It's unfair to put Nicole this high. Her Cindy Lou Who whine has its charms, and her rapport with Hayden was always adorable. But man, when she got backdoored into potential elimination this week, her Diary Room complaints were awfully pathetic. With the most sluggish, pained wail I've heard this season, she cried, "I don't want to be around these people, honestlyyyyy." Well, that's convenient. They're nominating her for eviction! It all works out.

2. Zach

On paper, Zach was the most embarrassing player this week even though he won the POV. He caterwauled that he'd "marry" his veto medallion, he screamed that Frankie "built a house of lies," and he sincerely wept on camera when Frankie admitted he's on "Big Brother" for charity. "I have no chance! I have no chance!" Zach screeched about his game. "This kid's playing for f*cking children in Africa. Why wouldn't he win? This guy already won Fan Favorite! He's donating the money to kids in Africa. Why the f*ck isn't he not going to win? Give him the f*cking money, I'm wasting my f*cking time right now!" He was about a nanosecond from ending that speech with, "And I live in a van down by the river." So histrionic and egomaniacal and extreme and hilarious. But as Mariah Carey once proved with her woozy, pre-hospitalization appearance on "TRL," there is such a thing as being so embarrassing that you become heroic somehow. But then again, Mariah Carey never told Frankie Grande that he was "the smartest, funniest guy I've ever met." Now I need to be hospitalized for exhaustion just remembering that. Ugh. Zach! Come on!

1. Frankie (most embarrassing) 

I wouldn't hate if Frankie won "Big Brother." He's sly enough to win. And his hair has morphed into a strange Neapolitan ornament on an ice cream cake from hell, so what can you do but fear and honor him, you know? I hope we can all admit that he's got a good head for this game. But right after we admit that, we must also admit that Frankie's soliloquy about his sister's true identity this episode was pathetic. Why did he have to bring up having "1.5 million subscribers"? Why did he have to call Ariana a "mega, mega pop star" when she has three singles and two mod dresses to wear? And most importantly, who did he think he was going to endear with that tale? Derrick diagnosed Frankie's intentions explicitly and no one else seemed too in the dark either. It was one of the weirdest moments of the season, and I hope Frankie reverts back to effective manipulation very, very soon. Or else this ice cream cake is going to melt into irrelevance fast. 

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Recap: 'True Blood' - 'Almost Home'
Credit: HBO

Recap: 'True Blood' - 'Almost Home'

It’s not a very quiet week in Bon Temps…

The big news: Eric is cured, praise Godric! There’s not a lot of wasted time building up suspense about it, either: in the opening minutes, he grabs ahold of Sarah Newlin, who begs him to kill her so that she can “return as the Princess of Peace, the Messiah!” Instead of killing her, Eric chomps on her, and lo and behold, the map of blighted veins spread across his body like deadly tattoos clear right up. But there’s no time for celebrating: there’s business to be conducted. Eric, Pam, and Mr. Gus, Jr. and his yakuza minions repair to Fangtasia, where they chain Sarah up in the basement, which is turning out to be the single most overworked set on this final season of “True Blood.” Mr. Gus, Jr. explains that the work of synthesizing Sarah’s blood has been done, but he’s not going to be rushing out to market just yet. What they have must be tinkered with, for maximum exploitability. “We don’t want it to work too well,” he says, sounding all Montgomery Burns as he lays out his plans for New Blood. “We want it to be a healthy habit. Not a cure.” He doesn’t actually throw his head back and laugh “Mwah-hah-ha,” but that’s clearly implied.

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Recap: 'Big Brother' Sunday - Nominations and best laid schemes gang aft agley
Credit: CBS

Recap: 'Big Brother' Sunday - Nominations and best laid schemes gang aft agley

Everybody hates Frankie and plots against him, but Frankie has other plans

Welcome, East Coasters, to a special late night edition of "Big Brother," delayed nearly three hours by the conclusion of the PGA Championship. 

Or, perhaps, Welcome East Coasters who missed tonight's "Big Brother' due to the lengthy delay and want to find out what happened.

This is why everybody should live in the Pacific time zone. Our CBS Sunday lineup always airs on-time. Earthquakes, mudslides and the occasional wildfire are a small price to pay.

But anyway... When we left things on Thursday, Jocasta had been sent home under normal circumstances and Hayden was the victim of the Week of "Big Brother" in 35-ish minutes. I miss The Rationale already.

Let's see how things shake out.

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Outlander S1E1Pilot

Recap: 'Outlander' - You say 'Sassenach.' I say 'Gesundheit!'

Claire Randall, you just fell through time! What are you going to do next?

Upfront disclosure. I've never read Diana Gabaldon's "Outlander" series. And before the Starz media blitz had never even heard of it. Somehow despite utilizing both time travel and historical fiction — two thing I love reading about — I missed it. 

So based only on the ad campaign, I know this is a historical sci-fi drama about a WWII era British woman who gets mysteriously thrown through time to 18th century Scotland.  Somehow her modern immune system manages to instantly adapt to this bacterial utopia (life finds a way!) and our plucky heroine is forced to navigate her new reality.


We open in Middle Earth. Sweeping vistas of the Scottish highlands are breath-taking but somewhat marred by our heroine’s voice over narration. I keep looking for the Fellowship but alas, Gandalf and the Balrog are on a smoke break. Bagpipes play as Claire laments how people vanish all the time...and sometimes, they’re never found.

Cut to Farrell's General Store. Narrator Claire waxes poetic over never having lived somewhere long enough to own a vase. Meanwhile her onscreen self gazes forlornly into the shop window. Look, I’m not going to tell Claire how to measure the quality of her life but maybe chill out about  £.35 flower pants.

Suddenly there is flashback within this flashback. Double flashback all the waaaaaaaay.  Gone is Scotland with its existential crisis vase, replaced with a makeshift WWII hospital. And shit just got real. Claire is trying to stop a femoral artery bleed-out, slipping in blood while the patient writhes and screams in a puddle of his own gore. Dude this show needs a “Saving Private Ryan” style PTSD disclaimer. 

A shell-shocked Claire is still literally dripping blood when a fellow lady solider runs up with a group of exuberant cohorts. The war is over! Which is kind of a George Bush “Mission Accomplished” level gaffe when extras are still bleeding to death on the hospital tables. Claire is smart enough to know this and chugs a bottle of celebratory champagne like the jaded field nurse she is. Guys, I think I just fell in love.

And just like that, the magic of the moment is broken. Claire is back on about the blue vase. So is this vase important? Is blue important? Blue roofs, her blue dress, blue gargoyles on the town well. Is this like red in “The Sixth Sense?” Will blue be the context clue for Important Shit™?

We return from the credits to strains of 1940s music as Claire and husband Frank drive though Middle Earth. It’s supposed to help set the mood but since modern audiences are more likely to associate post-war pop hits with with video game dystopias like “Fallout” or “Bioshock,” I instead feel the need to shoot bandits or splicers. 

Upon reaching the quaint village they’re vacationing in, Claire is 100% unfazed by bloodstains on the door frames of the villagers’ homes. Maybe this IS a video game dystopia?

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