<p>Caleb of &quot;Big Brother&quot;</p>

Caleb of "Big Brother"

Credit: CBS

Recap: 'Big Brother' Sunday - Head of Household, Nominations and HOLLA!

After much slipping and sliding, a heroic HoH is finally crowned

When we left "Big Brother" on Thursday night, the hamsters were slipping and sliding around the backyard trying to fill snowmen with cloudy fluid in order to win Head of Household.

Thanks to a couple colleagues who think that because they watch the feeds, posting off-air results doesn't count as a spoiler, I already know who won HoH, but click through for the full live-blog as I pretend to be surprised.

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Doctor Who - Into the Dalek
Credit: BBC

Recap: 'Doctor Who' - Take a fantastic voyage 'Into The Dalek'

If you stare into the Dalek, eventually it stares back.

I love “Doctor Who.” Ever since discovering it in my Netflix queue years ago (Christopher Eccleston is still my Doctor) this silly, sentimental show about a mad man in a box has enthralled me. But I — like many fans — worried that lately the wheels had been coming off. Too many cliches and consequence-free actions and terrible treatment of women. Not to mention an infinite number of reset buttons. But from the looks of tonight’s episode, “Into The Dalek,” it truly feels like writers heard the fans…and they’re beginning to patch up the holes this season.

*******************

We begin where we’ve begun before. The Daleks are in pursuit of a spaceship, intent on exterminating all those inside. Flying through an asteroid field, the human pilot desperately tries to keep the ship from crashing while also trying to keep her co-pilot conscious. In the end she fails, and the ship goes up in a blossoming fireball.

The pilot’s screams turn into confusion as she is very much not dead. Instead she is on the bridge of the TARDIS, with a very alien looking Doctor staring at her. I don’t know what it is about Capaldi but with his head turned just so, he looks more like a bird of prey examining a potential meal than the savior of the galaxy. 

Our pilot’s name is Lt. Journey Blue and she is not amused. Gun in hand she demands to be taken back to her ship. That co-pilot was her brother and he is dead. The Doctor is heartless, tells her to stop crying because at least she’s alive. He then pretty much refuses to return her to her people unless she asks nicely. They are really hammering home that Twelve is a dick. 

Upon returning Lt. Blue to her platoon, it seems they’ve caught themselves a Dalek. No one here knows the Doctor, seeming to think he is talking about his profession and not his status as most infamous of the Time Lords*. Not even the captured Dalek realizes who it is in the presence of. It’s too busy malfunctioning, believing in truth and and love and beauty and absinthe and destroying all other Daleks.

*So at least Eleven erasing himself from history seems to have stuck.

What the humans do know is that they want to shrink Capaldi down using a molecular scanner and send him in to see what exactly has turned this Dalek to the side of morality. Because when Daleks stop wanting to kill everything, obviously they’re very sick. This episode is literally going to pay homage to sci-fi classic “The Fantastic Voyage” and I for one, (and Twelve for two) couldn’t be more pleased.

As the “Whovian” music rolls, I wonder why this super science-y and tonally bleak episode feels familiar. A quick Google search turns up the answer. The writer of “Into the Dalek” is Phil Ford, who’s only other “Doctor Who” writing credit (for the show) is “The Waters of Mars.” That episode deals with an invasion of the body snatcher and the inevitability of fixed points in time despite good intentions. My hopes for this episode suddenly became much higher.

Back from the opening credits, we’re introduced to the newest character, Mr. Danny Pink. I’m starting to pick up on some “Reservoir Dog” undertones in this episode, but not one person makes the obvious joke. C’est la vie. From first glance, Mr. Pink is good with kids, bad with ladies, and just trying to make it in the civilian world as a math teacher. If only everyone from the students to Clara would stop making light of the fact that he killed people. It’s flaring up his PTSD.

Bringing on Mr. Pink — Danny from here on out — has the delightful side effect of continuing to morph Clara Oswald from living MacGuffin to human being. She’s an English teacher who has a well-meaning co-worker who is keen to set her up with Danny. There’s even the secretary who is really bad at innuendo. I hope shows up again.

It takes a minute for me to realize this is actually Danny and Clara’s meet cute, but once I do, I instantly ship it. He is endearing but awkward and she is charming yet abrasive. The show even lets Clara take the lead, prompting Danny not once, but twice, until he overcomes whatever fears he as about dating and accepts her offer for drinks. Watching Clara have a life outside traveling in a blue box as the Doctor’s Impossible Girl is truly fun to witness.

So of course, this is the exact moment the Doctor chooses to pick Clara up for an adventure. 

For some reason, the Doctor immediately cuts Clara down because we really need to understand he is not a nice person, I guess? He condescendingly tells Clara to keep her spirits up, she’s not that young anymore but maybe she’ll still find love. After shading the living hell out of her, he proceeds to ask if she thinks he’s a good person. Clara is the soul of discretion because she merely says “I don’t know” instead of “No, you’re a misogynistic jerk face who is way too cavalier with the lives of everyone around you.”

Yet the Doctor hears what she’s not saying and — bless him — actually seems to realize how hard it can be to put up with him sometimes. Then shock of all shocks, he introduces Clara to Lt. Blue and the rest of the platoon…as his boss. In one exchange, the dynamic is upended as the term ‘companion’ is shunted off stage and into the trash. 

Once introductions are out of the way, it’s time to get small and get inside this Dalek. We get some fantastic science mumbo-jumbo about remembering to breathe during the shrinking process or you’ll explode. They do away with the trope of an enforced time table before they return to normal size though. As the Doctor, Clara, and three soldiers are inserted into the eyestalk of the Dalek (a sentence I never thought I’d type), we’re treated to a full body scan of said Dalek…which might be our most complete look at their biology to date?

Safely inside, our team moves forward. I’m just gonna assume they don’t need suits for oxygen because Daleks are inherently more porous than humans. A short jaunt later and they’re standing in front of the brain. The Doctor explains the thing in front of them is an augmented memory storage. This feat of engineering filters out anything good and fuels the Daleks hate. So basically they’re Psychlos from “Battlefield Earth.”

But now this particular Dalek is malfunctioning. And they need to find out why. To do that, they need to get down to the bottom of this mystery…literally. The soldiers being soldiers, immediately start shoving grappling hooks into whatever crevice is available. Which brings out the Daleks antibodies in droves…droves of mini-Wheatleys from “Portal 2.” Man this episode is just overflowing with shout-outs to other sci-fi!

In another display of “I’m definitely not Matt Smith,” the Doctor pragmatically let’s the antibodies kill one of the soldiers so the immune system will think the threat is over. He sacrifices the only male soldier. Wait, what? He just had to pick someone to let die and it was the only other dude which means there are two lady soldiers, Clara, and the Doctor to save the day. And this is the moment when I realize that maybe, just maybe, this season is going to be different.

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Outlander_S1_E4
Credit: Starz

Recap: 'Outlander' - It wouldn't be 'The Gathering' without family drama

Excuse me, where are all the Scottish Santas?

At the end of the last episode, Claire’s plan to secure her freedom by being the best prisoner ever blew up in her face spectacularly. Turns out when you act like you want to hang out with your captors, they are less likely to let you leave. Funny that.

But undeterred, Claire hatched a plan. A plan based on a folk song. A folk song that she disregarded pertinent information from (I blame the Rhenish). So, yeah. This should go well. Can Claire escape “The Gathering”?

*******************

As the credits fade, scaffolding appears. No, not quite. It’s men with guns in tree stands. Out in the open. Where any snipers in the opposing tree line could pick them off like fish in a barrel. Good job, guys. These astounding strategists are guarding Clan MacKenzie from all sorts of enemies…like giggling children. Calm down Trigger Jim, unless you really fear a gaggle of unwashed children and a lone time-displaced woman. Actually, I’ve watched “The Walking Dead.” Fear them.

Claire’s giggling on the ground while swarmed by plucky bairns is interrupted by an unwanted look up STILL not Jamie’s kilt. When the offending guard asks Claire if something caught her eye, she is forced to resort to basically saying “gross” because these miscreants wouldn’t get any insult involving magnifying glasses and toothpicks. The 18th century can take a lot of things from a modern woman, but relinquishing scathing insults is just too much to bear. Yet Claire soldiers on.

Turns out playing with children serves an ulterior motive. Our heroine has been scouting the terrain. Over the past few days (weeks?) she’s learned the lay of the land, finding not one but TWO possible roads to freedom. Smart girl. But she’s also been leaving behind bright white strips of ribbon to lead her back to the mapped out escape routes. Oh honey, no. 

After torturing her guards by keeping them away from the beer (by the way, these two have got to be wondering who they pissed off to keep having to watch this persnickety woman who doesn’t seem to grasp the prisoner/guard dynamic), they finally pout hard enough that we are taken to the Annual Gathering of Scottish Santas. I am so excited!

OH GOD NO, IT’S JUST CAMPING. I’ve been tricked. No one said anything about camping! And there’s not even a bevy of flowing white face-tresses. UGH.

Speaking of being tricked, Claire has realized she’s basically being babysat by Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Hagrid, which means she could pretty much escape at will. But instead of just throwing something sparkly in one direction and running in the other, she’s opted for an elaborate plan. Involving getting her guards distracted by sexy camp ladies and/or getting them exceptionally drunk. Preferably both. This plan has approximately 100% chance of working.

Just an aside here, exactly how worried should I be about inbred babies? Aren’t all these people related? The family tree needs to branch, y’all!

Once the Tweedle Twins are sufficiently diverted, Claire is off to the stables. Apparently Uncle Lamb taught her how to ride when she was a girl and dammit that was a great place for a flashback but no. Instead we get a dumb old stable guy who ALSO isn’t Jamie. But wait, do you hear that? The music changed to 1940s bluesy jazz. 

I’m so distracted trying to figure out the lyrics and why they’d add such an anachronistic mood now I almost miss that Jamie isn’t in the stables because he’s hiding from his family. What is he, the moody teenager avoiding Aunt Edna’s lipstick kisses at the family reunion? Claire — and the audience — are disappointed but at least Claire has her getaway horse. The plan is coming together.

The strains of 1940s pop music follow us all the way back to Claire’s dungeon/office. To be honest, I’m half expecting a radioactive wastelander wearing a human flesh mask to jump out of the shadows. “Fallout” truly ruined this era of music for me. 

Which is why Gilly should be grateful she scares the ever living hell out of Claire and not me because she’d be halfway into the fireplace before the Pavlovian response wore off. And then where would the port she brought be? In the fire, wasted.

The background music finally stops as Gilly starts in with another round of “Questions I Know The Answers To Just Tell Me You’re From The Future And End This Charade Claire.” But while our red-headed witch is asking things like “are you knocked up with Jamie’s lovechild?” and “what’s with all this food that looks like it’s prepared for an ill-advised escape?” and “so is your husband dead or what?” we find out a few interesting bits about Gilly herself. She came to this part of Scotland with nothing (obviously because time-travel stones don’t let you check bags) and married Arthur for security and plays him like a fiddle so she can do as she pleases. Claire is suitably impressed and I have suspicion whiplash over whether Gilly is trustworthy or not.

Also, poor Frank is totally Schrödinger's husband. 

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Recap: 'Big Brother' Thursday - Eviction and Christine-Cody Shaming
Credit: CBS

Recap: 'Big Brother' Thursday - Eviction and Christine-Cody Shaming

Deja vu: Did Nicole or Donny get to talk to Julie Chen tonight?

It's another "Big Brother" Thursday. Follow along for the normal live-blogging fun leading up to eviction.

9:01 p.m. "Tonight, your alliance is in jeopardy," Julie Chen tells us as the episode begins. That seems unfair. The hamsters in the House aren't required to still be in an alliance in the first week. Why do I have to stick with Team America?

9:03 p.m. When we left off, Cody was talking about making a big move, but then not making one, Victoria's head was swelling to the size of a watermelon and causing her to pass out and Donny was better than Team America didn't make "Saving Donny" into their mission for the week. Good times. Donny and Nicole are sitting on the Block.

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Donny on "Big Brother 16"

Recap: 'Big Brother' Wednesday - Snarking With Andy Herren

We invite Andy Herren, winner of BB15, to offer commentary about the remaining houseguests. Is Donny toast?

No use throwing an old-fashioned Zach tantrum on this very languid Thursday morning. Let's face the facts like cool, serene Derrick: The Wednesday edition of "Big Brother" was criminally dull this week, and that's -- Stuart Smalley voice engaged! -- OK. The rigged POV challenge resulted in an expected victory for the Detonators against Donny, Christine found herself floundering in her un-fascinating second life on the show, and Victoria commanded almost 80 seconds of screentime by inviting new teeth into her mouth. Yes, that's right: Victoria's teeth are more exciting houseguests than Victoria. 

To help us analyze the remaining players in the game, we invited our pal Andy Herren -- the winner of "Big Brother 15" -- to drop some commentary about the houseguests. We'll handle this in an orderly, completely asinine fashion. 

descriptor

 

Cody: Hot Guy Playing a Cold War 

Andy Herren: Okay, so Cody has been getting a lot of hate from fans for being a “floater” and a “p*ssy.” I do not understand either sentiment. A floater is typically seen as someone who has no loyalty; a houseguest who grovels at the feet of whoever is in power. Cody has had a solid alliance with Derrick for WEEKS, and he is letting Derrick do most of the dirty work. I call that SMART. As for the “pussy” viewpoint, Cody is genuinely well liked by everyone at this point. Why on Earth would he make a “power move” and piss someone off? If he puts up someone from his alliance, people will think he can’t be trusted. By putting up Donny and Nicole, he has covered his bases and done the collective bidding of the house, which is the exact right move for his game this week. Also, he draws smiley faces in his zeros, and for that he will forever have a spot in my heart.  

HitFix: I echo Andy's support, but I will say I'm waiting for Cody to do anything worthy of a first-place finish on "Big Brother." So far he's managed to call everyone in the house either "This kid" or "This guy," which is not the sign of a brilliant Svengali. I admire the alliance he's built, but I still feel he's more likely to get nominated and booted than Derrick or Frankie.  

 

Nicole: The (Don't)-Comeback Kid 

HitFix: Nicole is in the unenviable position of being a houseguest who should've been eliminated, was eliminated, has come back into the game thanks to a truly awful competition that amounted to beginners' air hockey, and now must contend with people who are successfully competing. Even as she knows Donny is likely toast this week, she must win the next HOH -- and not just because she wants to stay in the game. If she doesn't win that HOH, her second chance in the house will feel like even more of a waste. We don't need more "waste" in a season that has forced Team America, Frankie Grande's "fans," and the ever-boring reign of Derrick on us. Nicole is easy to like and impossible to root for.

Andy Herren: Dammit, she’s adorable. No, scratch that: She’s aDORKable. Ugh. Scratch THAT. I don’t use words like adorkable because I’m not a monster. I really hope she can gain some traction in the house, because I think she’s smart in comparison to everyone else. This isn’t a huge compliment, as she is playing against people like Caleb and Victoria, who I worry may kill themselves by running into a sharp counter edge any day now.  

 

Donny: The Brilliant Ignoramus

Andy Herren: Donny’s ability to not understand that everyone hates him is probably why everyone hates him. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Donny, but his social game is atrocious.  He goes to bed early, he can’t gain any traction with people because he is unable to properly articulate himself without coming across as terrifying, and he consistently says the wrong things to the wrong people. I worry that he is going to leave this week, which breaks my heart, but it is also totally understandable.

HitFix: I guess Donny is sweet and sincere. I guess? Sort of. You know what he really is? A nightmare. I picture waking up in the "Big Brother" house to find Donny inches from my face and whispering, "Want to hear a secret that a parakeet told me?" And I really don't. Donny is the kind of character who comes off really well on "Big Brother": a hapless outsider who is very nice and even a bit keen when it comes to sticking it out as a fringe player. What he lacks in social skills and un-creepy cooing he makes up for with moments of intuition. I really wanted to him to properly align with some power players, but it seems like he's toast. He's been fun, but who can argue with his dismissal?

 

 

Victoria: Wisdom is Literally Falling Out of Her Mouth.

HitFix: Allow me to respond as Carrie Bradshaw to Victoria's performance this week: "When I realized that Victoria's wisdom teeth drama was more interesting than anything else she's done in the house, I had to wonder: Is a toothless victory ultimately worth it?" When Vicki's face looked a little puffy and I assumed it was because she was thinking too hard, that's when I knew she was a true "Big Brother" superstar. Question: How won't she get second place in this competition? She's headed for the sunny vistas of Ginamarieville, y'all. Ain't no one stopping her. Congratulations?

Andy Herren: She’s so useless that, even with a crippling wisdom teeth injury, everyone still wants her around.  It’s the point in Big Brother where the remaining players should have been praying that her injury would take her out of the game, but they all want to drag her to the final two, so instead they were praying for a speedy recovery.  I’m going to say it right now:  Victoria is playing the best second place game in the history of Big Brother.  Also, I’m still not over her IMPECCIBLE delivery in her goodbye message to Zach last week.  Go, Vicky, go!

 

Caleb: A Beauty in Beast Mode 

Andy Herren: He is easily the dumbest person in the house, and he is also the most boastful.  This results in a phenomenally monstrous combination of Caleb spouting nonsense, yet feeling incredibly confident about this nonsense.  At some point tonight, his adorably clueless face exclaimed, “We can’t trust Donny!  He’s thinking even when he’s not thinking!”  Please never change, Caleb.

HitFix: I wish every episode featured Caleb trying to explain how he knows another player is smart. Let me paraphrase his Donny analysis: "Donny! He's sooo smart. Sooo. His eyes -- they move. Watch his eyes. Sometimes he'll be talking, and his eyes will move. Over here. Down there. To the right. His eyes, y'all. I'm serious. His eyes don't sit still. Not at all. Look at my eyes. See how they look like sad Valium peepers of an old Furby? Donny's aren't like that. They act all jumpy. That's about all I got. Miss you, Amber."

 

Christine: Still the Reigning Underdog?

Andy Herren: Everyone seems to hate Christine, and I get it. She isn’t particularly engaging, she consistently plots against the players everyone loves, and she is ready to backstab at the drop of a hat. All of these are reasons why I still think she is a valid contender to win Big Brother 16. By not being at the forefront of anything, she remains in the shadows of bigger targets. By plotting against the players America loves, she solidifies her spot as a loyal member of The Detonators. By having a penchant for backstabbing, she shows that she has the cunning ambition to emerge victorious at the end of the season. Christine has been my pick to win from before the season even began, and I’m hoping she proves me right.

HitFix: Say what you will about her pettiness or cravenness or whatever, but Christine seems like one of the last few players left who could stage a coup and turn the game around. With Zach out of the house, what the hell else can we root for? 

 

Derrick: The Silent Strategist

He is controlling everything, and it is simultaneously maddening and thrilling. Maddening is the fact that his game play is making the season quite boring to watch.  The underdogs have remained underdogs, as Derrick and his cronies have steamrolled through the house for months. Thrilling is the way in which Derrick is able to enact his strategy to a precise degree. He has performed some sort of undercover cop voodoo magic trick on everyone, and they are all under his spell, willing to do his bidding at the drop of a (cut up pink) hat. 

HitFix: How weird is it that everyone in the house seems aware of Derrick's utter supremacy? No one's too alarmed about it either. It's very "Martha Marcy May Marlene" or "The Master" and Derrick is just John Hawkes/Philip Seymour Hoffman-ing it up while everyone else is playing an Elizabeth Olsen/Amy Adams game. Or whatever. (I never saw "The Master.") If Derrick could just be a little more hostile with his machinations, I'd really be on his team. But it's hard to applaud gameplay when it feels like his competition is merely falling in line. 

 

Frankie: One Less Problem Without Frankie

HitFix: It's week 97 and Frankie still looks like an adult member of the Burger King Kids Club. Do I think he's a fine game player? Yeah, basically. I'm not sold on his endgame, but he's been shrewd enough to know when he needs attention and when attention should be diverted. The problem is that he's someone who mistakes opening his eyes wide for having a personality. Some weeks that doesn't bother me, but this week it did. When will this guy's number be up? Soon? Hoping for soon, guys. That's the kind of "Break Free" he deserves. 

Andy Herren: No. Just no. I can’t anymore.  

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Recap: 'Big Brother' Sunday - Boxing for Head of Household and Nominations
Credit: CBS

Recap: 'Big Brother' Sunday - Boxing for Head of Household and Nominations

Hamsters talk about big moves, but make predictable moves

I've been on MTV VMAs duty tonight, so this "Big Brother" recap is a bit late.

Apologies.

Since's it's already a bit late, I'm also not sure how much I'm likely to care about a Sunday telecast. 

Apologies for that as well.

But I'll try to convey the basics of what goes down on Sunday's (August 24) "Big Brother" telecast. 

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<p>Anna Paquin in the &quot;True Blood&quot; series finale</p>

Anna Paquin in the "True Blood" series finale

Credit: HBO

Recap: 'True Blood' Series Finale - 'Thank You'

Our revels now are ended

In its final episodes, “True Blood” pulled off a real bait-and-switch. The wild, freeform gory action of the first half of the season had led many observers, myself included, to predict an apocalyptic finale with dead bodies draped all over the set. Instead, the last couple of hours were a ‘shipper’s paradise, with the longest, most drawn-out sequence devoted to the surprise marriage of Hoyt and Jessica. Andy presides at the service, which is held at Bill’s house, and the out-of-the-blue nature of the ceremony has Arlene and Holly wondering if vampires can get pregnant. 

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12 and Clara - "Deep Breath"

Recap: 'Doctor Who' - Take a 'Deep Breath' for the 12th Doctor's debut

How does Peter Capaldi stack up against his 11 Doctor predecessors?


The wait is finally over. Peter Capaldi is the 12th Doctor and quite frankly, I am beside myself to see what he can do to bring the Doctor back to just this side of the darkness. Plus he has FLAWLESS bitch face. Warning, spoilers!

Geronimo!*

********************

*Placeholder exclamation of joy until Capaldi settles on his own catchphrase.

We open on a beautiful sunset. In the Cretaceous period. Wait no. That Tyrannosaurus Rex isn’t roaring its way through the jungle but through the streets of London! Big Ben bongs out a warning and, if a monument could, cringes for inevitable impact. Thankfully it never comes.

Dinosaurs are far more courteous than aliens, it seems.

And we aren’t just in any old London, but Victorian London. The denizens are shouting but not in a “oh God we’re all gonna die” way but in more of a “Hey George come look at this quick!” way. Because honestly there’s been so much nonsensical things on the streets lately that no one would be the slightest bit ruffled by a giant lizard from the dawn of time wandering through the Meatpacking District. 

Speaking of lizards from the dawn of time, you can’t have a Victorian episode with Lady Vastra. Right on cue she and her wife Jenny (and manservant/potato Strax) appear. The T-Rex has something caught in its…her…throat. It’s the TARDIS isn’t it? Isn’t it, Moffat!?

It is.

While London’s finest stand about with the plebeians, goggling at something any normal person would flee from, Vastra and company head down to the beach. But not before giving the constables a containment field to place around the T-Rex. Sorts questioning Vastra’s judgment in giving such technology to a man who thinks dinosaurs puke blue eggs that say Police Box in English on them, but use what you have I guess.

I love how Vastra doesn’t want to assume the blue box is the TARDIS.

As per the rules of regeneration, the 12th Doctor doesn’t quite have a handle on his new body…or mind…yet. He confuses everyone with everyone else, seems perplexed that London has a dinosaur too, and makes us sad about Handles again before finally collapsing into the dust.

Cue the opening credits. They are brand new! So many gears and clockwork and…oh. My. God. Steampunk. It’s a steampunk opening credits! Yessssss. The spiraling Roman Numerals count from one to twelve over and over like a whirlpool. And so much blue. Blue is usually a calming color but I wonder what its significance here will be.

The Doctor awakens in Vastra and Jenny’s home and he is confused by bedrooms. And you know, he makes a good point. Why do we have an entire room just for sleeping in? I am now having an existential crisis about the amount of square footage bedrooms take up in my home. 

For the first time, the Doctor realizes he’s speaking with a Scottish accent. Only in the most roundabout, Doctory way possible. He’s not speaking Scottish, everyone else is speaking weird! Luckily Vastra knows how to inflect Scottish tones and manages to calm him back down. There’s a weird bit of near-flirting on the bed, because God forbid Moffat allow a single woman in the universe to not want to bone the Doctor, and then he is out cold again. (The Doctor, not Moffat.)

Hey wait, wasn’t there a giant frickin’ DINOSAUR wandering around outside?

Oh it’s cool you guys. She’s still outside but the containment field has her and they just rerouted traffic and everything is totally normal and be put on the back burner for now…because the Doctor is sleep-talking! Clara seems to think he’s translating for the T-Rex but I’m not so sure. I guess that’s the point. The sorrowful refrain of “no one can see me, I am alone,” applies either way.

Cut to a dude and his wife meandering about London. Really happy to see everyone taking this dinosaur predicament in stride. But wait, how much did people even know about dinosaurs in the late 19th century? To the Google machine!

Huh. Turns out the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn’t discovered until 1905. So not sure if this makes it more or less astonishing at how little these people seem to care about a displaced — and at this point — mythological creature. Urbanites are so jaded, you guys.

So jaded in fact that no one notices or cares when a cyborg harvests the eyes from a screaming gentleman in the middle of the street. No big deal.

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Outlander_S1_E2

Recap: 'Outlander' - The way out isn't with sugar and spice and everything nice

This week Claire tries to catch more flies with honey but will it work?

When we last left Claire, she was in the care of men who think entrapping would-be assassins and giving them access to your health care is a fine idea. It’s basically the world’s slowest game of Russian Roulette. I dub thee the Scottish Gambit!

And now I keep thinking about if Marvel’s Gambit had an 18th-century Scottish twin and…I need a moment.

….

Okay! Let’s see what shenanigans the gang is up to this week in “The Way Out.”

**********************

We open on Platform 9¾ as Frank is about to ship Claire off to Hogwarts for another year. Wait, no. Frank is shipping Claire off the front lines and he is not happy about it. Not that it matters because what enemy could even shoot straight while looking at Mrs. Randall is her stunning army uniform? Seriously, when is military chic coming back into fashion, Ms. Wintour?

But fashionable attire as armor aside, Frank is worried about Claire’s safety and jokes at the irony of this role reversal. The loving husband sending his wife off to war. He balances self-effacing jokes to his masculinity with legit fear and wow this show is doing a terrible job of making me hate Frank. As Claire swears to him she will return to him no matter what — FORESHADOWING — and disappears into the misty night, I am still solidly #TeamFrank.

Cut to Claire finally getting bath! It’s like they read my mind, you guys. Of course, standing in a basin while an elderly lady comments on the smoothness of your skin (creepy yet historically accurate) and douses you in ice cold water is not exactly the luxurious unwinding one hopes for when they hear the word ‘bath.’ But boiling enough water to fill a metal tub, then dragging said tub into the room, then moving all the furniture to make it fit, then bathing, then dumping it out and cleaning up would be such an arduous, sweaty task you’d need a bath from the act of taking a bath. So a brisk bit of cold water in a cold room it is! “Bloody hell” indeed, Claire.

However, the water seems to have washed away Claire’s common sense as well. While being dressed and having her hair brushed, she decides now is a good time to sound like a crazy person. If you’ve been wondering if the speech from the commercials was real— where Claire declares she fell through time and gives the audience a primer on her situation — this is the scene it came from. I appreciate the visual of having Claire wet and physically vulnerable during this emotionally vulnerable proclamation but girl, no.

Mts. Fitz does her best impression of trying to keep a straight face while internally screaming, but the waves of “This bitch is crazy” is radiating from her too wide eyes…and we’ve lost her. Mts. Fitz is convinced Claire is a witch, which RUDE. Clearly she’s just mentally unbalanced and/or has the worst cover story in the history of English spies.

HAHAHA JUST KIDDING. It was all a dream. Claire just pulled a “Who shot JR?” on us. My faith in her common sense is restored. 

But wait, what was Mrs. Fitz saying while Claire daydreamed about being burned on the pyre? Another gathering? With ALL the MacKenzie clan? It’s a Scottish Santa Smorgasbord! Hopefully they all wear their best mullet kilts.

Before we can go to Santa Valhalla though, Claire has to become the best damn medicine women since Dr. Quinn...or is Dr. Quinn the best damn medicine woman since Claire Beecham? Damn you time travel!

Most of what the previous healer was using was gross and unsanitary. Things like powdered human skull and the world’s grossest Surprise Can. You know, like when you open a can labeled ‘nuts’ and fake snakes pop out? Imagine that, only the can says “AOWIHJEOIF” (Gaelic probably) and out pops millipedes. The 18th century is awful…just awful.

Claire powers through because what’s a handful of bugs when you’ve been elbow deep in a screaming infantryman? She sorts through the useful stuff from the garbage, all while her guard watches from the stairwell. Hey buddy, maybe be a little less creepy with the phallic handling of your knife while staring daggers into the lady’s back. Or get bored because she’s just helping heal the the injured and not doing any cool Spy Stuff™ and go get a drink. 

It’s so hard to find good guards these days. If Claire were really an English infiltrator, these drunks would be dead in their cups by now.

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<p>Zach of &quot;Big Brother&quot;</p>

Zach of "Big Brother"

Credit: CBS

Recap: 'Big Brother' Thursday - Eviction and a Jury Comeback

Will Arnett pours ice water on Julie Chen and other stuff happens too

I'm checking in on Thursday's (August 21) "Big Brother" after spending my afternoon and evening on the set of FOX's yet-to-shoot "Utopia," a new reality show that's exactly like "Big Brother" except for all of the ways it's completely different. 

"Utopia" isn't a competition and while people are sent home, they aren't "eliminations," per se. Also, nobody wins.

Somebody will definitely win on "Big Brother." And somebody will definitely go home, or at least to the Jury House, with the catch being that according to Julie Chen, tonight's episode will also feature the return of a recently eliminated hamster. 

So it sounds like tonight's "Big Brother" will actually be a zero-sum game?

Let's find out, after the break...

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