Miley Cyrus gets naked for her new video for 'Wrecking Ball'

Emotional single bares her soul or something

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Let me start by saying I actually very much like "Wrecking Ball" as a Miley Cyrus single. It's got that "I Knew You Were Trouble" vibe while also allowing a pristine vocal comp to make the former Disney star sound like an honest-to-God grownup. It hints the tabloid trubs from her engagement to Liam Hemsworth, exposing 100 million times more emotions than her dark comedy/summer hit "We Can't Stop."

There are some problems with this video. Allow me to explain.

1. In the Crying While Singing genre, you do not start with the crying. This quickly reminded me of Duncan Sheik's 1990s chart-topping single "Barely Breathing," what with the kissing away of saline tears. These may very well be genuine eye leakage, but it's faking your way to emotional orgasm as a video piece.

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2. Sexual intimacy with filthy, dirty, destructive objects... I see what you did there. Metaphors! But it's around the first time Cyrus' naked nethers make contact with a literal wrecking ball that remind me of girls who ride the New York subway in skirts and no undies in summer: basic human sexuality takes a turn for the yeccch. While the sight of anybody naked would unfurl many's flags, this just makes me squirm like a bare back on a mound of rubble. Oh wait.

Miley Cyrus licks a sledgehammer for Wrecking Ball

Peter Gabriel, have you anything to say for the example you've set? This is stupid.

3. This video was likely shot before Cyrus' scattershot MTV VMAs performance, which only continued the crescendo cries of "Hannah Montana All Growed Up." Personally, I didn't have a problem with the racy nature of that televised performance, but I did with her use of black women as her personal line of cred(it).

Here, she is subsisting purely on the carnal, erasing whatever good feelings I had for the song by displacing genuine emotional value with a ball-and-chain stripper pole, an image so desperately mixed, she probably had to go method to justify the inanity.

Dotting the soft porn with emotional lip-syncing does not make up for this, nor does it surprise me, the most shocking element being the volume at which I said "DUH" in learning that Terry Richardson directed this pile.

4. Cyrus' handlers are well aware of Billboard's recent rule additions to the Hot 100 now include YouTube views. Yes, Psy and Baauer benefited from this. So did Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines," as did Justin Timberlake's "Mirrors," both of which feature naked women.

Don't pretend there aren't at a zillion people on the planet who are Googling the query "Miley Cyrus naked," and guess what will pop up as the top entry? (I mean aside from this blog post. You knew what this was.) See you at the top of the charts?

"Wrecking Ball" is off of Miley Cyrus' "Bangerz," due on Oct. 4.

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