Right now, New York City is in the throes of hosting Toy Fair 2015. As part of the consumer frenzy, Hasbro has rolled out the toy line that will accompany “Jurassic World” this summer, and let’s just say maybe humans deserved to be eaten by extinct apex predators. The levels of hubris of fictional scientists is staggering.

We already know the Hammond Creation Lab has concocted a hybrid monster dinosaur that appears to be the main antagonist of “Jurassic World.” But the Dr. Frankenstein-ing doesn’t stop there. If the Hasbro display is any indication, it appears Indominus Rex was merely the pinnacle of terrible ideas.

#1 - It starts off innocently enough. Stegosaurus is always a favorite with the kids. So is triceratops. So why not combine the two! If they could only decrease the size, there’s a fortune to be made in the luxury pet market, right?

Image Credit: Blastr

#2 - But playing God can never stop with something as innocuous as a herbivore. I don’t know what a Carnoraptor is but splicing a Velociraptor with a giant predator from the Carcharodontosauridae family can only end in screams and tears.

Image Credit: Collider

#3 - Speaking of Velociraptors... Did Chris Pratt’s character have the audacity to put Go-Pro camera helmets on his Clever Girls™?? Yes, yes he did. This seems like a suicidal action.

Image Credit: Collider

But why would Hammond scientists do this? Well, the "Jurassic World" ARG (Alternate Reality Game) now has a link out to their 'parent company' Masrani Global, which sheds some light with their promotional video. Things get creepy at the 1:45 mark when you realize they're experimenting on DNA of dinosaurs as a stepping stone to altering human genetics. Great.

To future generations discovering this cached page stored in a warehouse beneath the remnants of humanity's once great cities, I implore. Whenever science allows you to resurrect dinosaurs and put them in island zoos, do not tinker with dino DNA like a biological Erector set. Learn from our mistakes.


Mom. Wife. Geek. Gamer. Feminist. Writer. Sarcastic. Succinct. Donna has been writing snark for the Internet in one form or another for almost a decade. She has a lot of opinions, mostly on science-fiction, fantasy, feminism, and Sailor Moon. Follow her on Twitter (@MildlyAmused) for more of all these things.