Much like how Christmas sticks its butt earlier and earlier into the calendar every year (just let Halloween have its moment, damn!), blockbuster season no longer ends when the leaves begin to turn. For example, this winter is jam-packed with big releases. From Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, and Passengers to Doctor Strange and Assassin’s Creed, there is no reprieve for the wallets of movie-going sci-f/fantasy lovers.

Today’s focus is on Ubisoft’s attempt to create the first truly good video game film adaptation. Like all gamers, I’ve been burned before but I’ve spoken about my hopes for the Assassin’s Creed movie. Yet it’s hard to keep jaded cynicism from creeping in like a carapace of armor against disappointment. So when Assassin’s Creed dropped new photos of Michael Fassbender as both Callum Lynch and Lynch’s ancestor Aguilar, my first reaction was how true to the games the style of the costumes is.

But then I noticed the face tattoos. Sure, Fassbender has been sporting them since our first look at him, but these photos were the first time I realized what a bad idea they are. Unique to the film, they seem to be markings of rank or experience:

Image Credit: New Regency Pictures


Image Credit: New Regency Pictures


Does it look cool? Hell yes, it does. But ‘looking cool’ probably shouldn’t trump one’s ability to do their job effectively. Aguilar lived — or at least worked — in Spain during the Spanish Inquisition. Now, those guys were not known for their love of individuality or non-conformity. So why would a centuries’ old guild of assassin’s draw attention to themselves by putting the 15th-century version of a neon sign on their faces? It might be a great way for fellow assassins to recognize each other in the wild, but unless everyone agrees to some serious pancake makeup when going to market or church, it also makes it easier for everyone else to recognize them too.

These are basically Renaissance Juggalos.

Image Credit: New Regency Pictures


Assassin’s Creed arrives in theaters on December 21, 2016.

Mom. Wife. Geek. Gamer. Feminist. Writer. Sarcastic. Succinct. Donna has been writing snark for the Internet in one form or another for almost a decade. She has a lot of opinions, mostly on science-fiction, fantasy, feminism, and Sailor Moon. Follow her on Twitter (@MildlyAmused) for more of all these things.