Cannes Film Festival 2013

20 current TV characters we'd partner with on 'The Amazing Race'

From Castle to Clark Kent, Dan and Alan expand on their podcast debate

Intro to 20 current TV characters we'd partner with on 'The Amazing Race'

Intro to 20 current TV characters we'd partner with on 'The Amazing Race'

There are some listener questions that we get for the Firewall & Iceberg Podcast that we can answer very quickly and succinctly. Then there are the ones we tend to dwell on for a while.
 
On this week's show, Matthew McCleary of Sacramento asked us a very simple question: "If you could pick any television character, who would be your ideal partner for The Amazing Race?"
 
Dan's initial answer was Chuck Bartowski, while Alan rattled off a list of hot women whom he then tried to justify by pointing out that they had skill sets that would prove very useful on the Race. But we kept talking about it, and arguing about it, and weighing various pros and cons, and finally we decided that the proper venue for answering such a question isn't in a 5-minute podcast segment, but in HitFix gallery form, so that we can give all our contenders equal airtime. We decided to limit ourselves to characters on current shows, or else 90% of the gallery would have consisted of Jack Bauer, Sydney Bristow and the cast of "Mission: Impossible."
 
And, yes, there will be attractive women - and men - on the pages ahead, but none of them are there for purely aesthetic reasons. We swear. Really.
Photo Credit: CBS

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  • I'm not sure Charlie Harper is a current TV character...

    March 20, 2011 at 2:51AM EST Reply to Comment
    • Gizmo_bigger_talkback_profile

      dan He certainly stretches the definition as far as we were willing to stretch it... But sometimes for the sake of a really lame, instantly stale joke, that's what you've gotta do!

      -Daniel

      March 20, 2011 at 2:54AM EST
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      MatthewL Technically, the category wasn't "current TV characters." It was "characters on current shows," and since (so far as I'm aware) 2 1/2 Men is still going to be around next season, it is still a current TV show, and Charie is a character on the show, albeit one who is no longer going to be around.

      Still, funny joke.

      March 20, 2011 at 3:08AM EST
  • Db_vader_sm_talkback_profile

    FoundNemo

    This is the most entertaining thing I've read in a long time. Thanks for the smiles, guys!

    March 20, 2011 at 3:11AM EST Reply to Comment


  • Boyd Crowder, if you could ever get him out of Harlan. He's quick thinking, handy, can be cutthroat at times.
    Cons: His arrest record mightcause visa problems.

    March 20, 2011 at 3:11AM EST Reply to Comment
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      JMAN253 Absolutely!!! I was thinking the exact same thing. How could they pass him up??

      March 20, 2011 at 12:28PM EST
  • 500full_talkback_profile

    velocityknown

    Walter White
    Pros: He'll do what it takes to get what he needs.
    Cons: Cancer, cartel chasing him

    Sterling Archer
    Pros: Worldly, knows krav maga, great field agent who can turn things around quickly
    Cons: Alcoholic who has a large attachment to his mother.

    Dexter Morgan
    Pros: Skilled martial artist, resourceful, very intelligent
    Cons: Hasn't really done anything interesting for a while.

    I'm really surprised no one thought of Archer, but this article was a lot of fun, nicely done guys.

    March 20, 2011 at 3:21AM EST Reply to Comment
    • Haha I love the Dexter description.

      March 20, 2011 at 3:41AM EST


  • I think I'd pick Neal Caffery because he's smart, inventive, knowledgeable about a wide variety of things and speaks a variety of languages.

    and

    Tim Riggins, because, well, he's Tim Riggins. j/k lol. sort of...

    March 20, 2011 at 3:29AM EST Reply to Comment


  • I love that the Taye Diggs joke will never die. Makes me laugh every time.

    March 20, 2011 at 4:07AM EST Reply to Comment
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    Friday Night Lights

    You can have all the advantages in getting a spy agent in Sarah without the crazy wingnut streak of John Casey/Adam Baldwin. Plus Sarah/Strahovski is more aesthetically pleasing on all levels.

    I'd take Coach Taylor, you know he'll keep you focused on your task.

    March 20, 2011 at 4:47AM EST Reply to Comment
  • Jeff_avatar_2_talkback_profile

    Mulderism

    Piper Perabo is an absolute delight. I fell in love with her after seeing Bullwinkle.

    The Doctor would be a good choice but I'd prefer David Tennant, my favorite Doctor.

    March 20, 2011 at 4:57AM EST Reply to Comment
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    Brian

    Sam Axe, Burn Notice.

    Pro: Former Navy Seal, so he's got all that military training. Skilled in information gathering (he seems to do all the work for Michael), so he can get any intel needed. Pretty charming. Chuck Finely can make anything happen. Most importantly, he's got the Navy Seal loyalty. I can't imagine anyone being a better teammate than Sam.

    Con: The bar tabs would probably quickly get out of control

    March 20, 2011 at 7:28AM EST Reply to Comment
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      PJM Not to mention having to find a "lady friend" for him at every stop.

      April 1, 2011 at 4:55PM EST


  • RON F*ING SWANSON

    March 20, 2011 at 7:29AM EST Reply to Comment
    • Midnight_run_mca255950_talkback_profile

      sepinwall I think Ron's hatred of other cultures would outweigh his superhuman competence.

      March 20, 2011 at 10:19AM EST
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      Ben Ron's like a tank. The guys who win TAR are more like multi-feature assault weapons mixed with mobile artillery units. He'd try to win through brute force and that would lead to some dominant legs...and then 1 where he'd fall apart worse than Rob & Amber did on All-Stars.

      March 21, 2011 at 1:28AM EST


  • Shawn Spencer from Psych...When everyone else is beating their heads over clues. He figured them out and is just playing around
    Con Childish side might get him kicked off a plane or two

    March 20, 2011 at 7:35AM EST Reply to Comment
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    Deanna

    Dr. Gregory House and Dr. James Wilson would be good at the Race and very funny to watch.

    March 20, 2011 at 7:43AM EST Reply to Comment
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      SaveFarris It's a --RACE--, so while he would be helpful decifering clues and whatnot, there's the whole "cant outrun a snail" problem.

      Plus, spending 30 days side by side with him would probably end with a Murder II charge.

      March 20, 2011 at 7:34PM EST
  • Safe062_talkback_profile

    skittledog

    That's made Sunday morning much more entertaining. Thanks guys.

    Suggestions:

    Neal Caffrey
    Pros: Able to charm absolutely anyone, ever. Will instantly recognise any piece of art or culturally important gemstone you happen across
    Cons: You'll either have to convince Peter Burke you're trustworthy enough that Neal can be let off his anklet with you (unlikely) or else you'll be bringing Peter along too. With both of them together, the easiest of tasks will invariably turn into something involving Nazi gold.

    Leslie Knope
    Pros: Boundless enthusiasm, very likeable, never allows failure to defeat her for long
    Cons: May sink into deep depression in countries without waffles.

    Caroline Forbes
    Pros: Boundless enthusiasm, great organisational skills, good team player. Could compel everyone into believing you won even if you didn't.
    Cons: Has her insecure control freak moments. Not sure whether compelling a tv audience through a camera would work.

    Barney Stinson
    Pros: Likes challenges. Can convince everyone you're international businessmen.
    Cons: Does not like places that aren't America. Easily distracted by hot chicks/shiny things/tangential new challenges.

    March 20, 2011 at 7:53AM EST Reply to Comment
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    Sandi

    Sue Sylvester:
    Pro: ruthless
    Con: may have trouble with tasks that don't allow her to wear a track suit.

    March 20, 2011 at 8:12AM EST Reply to Comment
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    Claire

    I'd definitely go with Sarah Walker. She's just as tough, well-prepared, and intelligent as Casey, but she's much more of a people person (and with her looks, she'd certainly be better able to convince the locals to help her out with anything she needs).

    March 20, 2011 at 9:11AM EST Reply to Comment
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    Brad

    Hmmm, seems pretty incomplete. No Orwell from The Cape (it's coming back, dammit)? Anna of the V? Surely Detective Gabriel of The Shadow Line would be good. Or what about the Green Arrow from Young Justice? (I'm sure Jewel Staite's been on a commercial somewhere.)

    March 20, 2011 at 9:33AM EST Reply to Comment
    • Default-avatar

      d$ "No Orwell from The Cape (it's coming back, dammit)?"

      Keep dreaming bro

      March 20, 2011 at 11:06AM EST
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    David Thiel

    Another big Con of the Doctor: will be unable to complete race due to constant need to save Earth from alien invasions that crop up wherever he goes.

    Would've suggested Brock Samson, but he'd just kill the rest of the contestants. Actually, that might be a pro.

    March 20, 2011 at 11:17AM EST Reply to Comment
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    Jay

    Definitely going with Sarah over Casey on this. Much more pleasing to the eye, making other teams distracted etc. Also agree with the shout on Neal Caffrey! Eliot Spencer as well.

    March 20, 2011 at 11:38AM EST Reply to Comment
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    RP

    The descriptions were all really good but I think you saved the best for last. Oh Taye Diggs, you aren't technically fictional indeed, haha.

    I think Chuck would be perfect though- he'd be pretty great at all the challenges plus just fun to hang out with.

    March 20, 2011 at 12:20PM EST Reply to Comment


  • What's wrong with the cast of Mission Impossible? Give me Rollin Hand, Cinnamon Carter, Jim Phelps, Barney Collier over most anyone on TV today.

    /old guy who wishes there was more old TV talk on the podcast

    March 20, 2011 at 12:26PM EST Reply to Comment
    • Midnight_run_mca255950_talkback_profile

      sepinwall Nothing's wrong with them. As we said in the intro, they'd be automatics on a list of all-time characters who'd be perfect for this. But if you don't set some kind of artificial limits to any such list, it grows quickly out of control.

      March 20, 2011 at 3:39PM EST
  • Bob_talkback_profile

    buzmeg

    Female: Nancy Botwin (Weeds)
    Male: John Locke (Lost)

    Although I do agree with Fiona

    March 20, 2011 at 1:05PM EST Reply to Comment
  • Bob_talkback_profile

    buzmeg

    Write a comment...

    March 20, 2011 at 1:06PM EST Reply to Comment
  • Default-avatar

    lis

    Can I go with a past character on a current show?
    Or go with the fan leaning that he's not really dead?

    If so, BRYCE LARKIN. Uber-talented, Intersect-ready, and hot as hot can be. What's not to like?
    Plus, he can drive stick, which you should ~always~ learn before you go on the Race.

    March 20, 2011 at 1:19PM EST Reply to Comment


  • Raylan Givens seems to be pretty unflappable in any situation.

    March 20, 2011 at 1:22PM EST Reply to Comment
    • Dr_girlfriend_talkback_profile

      Sleepychick I totally agree. Raylan would be my pick

      Pros:He's intelligent, charming, I'm guessing he can drive stick, oh and he's gorgeous which would make him fun for me to look at.

      Cons: He'd probably have to leave his gun at home, that could make him cranky.

      March 20, 2011 at 2:35PM EST


  • Karl Pilkington from 'An Idiot Abroad'.
    Pros: he's already been to the places the Race is likely to go. He is enthusiastic for trying new things. He embraces foreign cultures; especially the food so eating challenges would be a snap.
    Cons. Can't think of any, really.

    March 20, 2011 at 1:54PM EST Reply to Comment
    • He's not fictional........

      March 20, 2011 at 11:45PM EST


  • Bobby from 'Cougar Town'
    Pro: Will probably eat anything. Probably good at purely physical challenges. Boundless enthusiasm.
    Con: might only be able to do challenges involving golf or penny-can.

    March 20, 2011 at 1:57PM EST Reply to Comment


  • Terry from 'Men of a Certain Age'.
    Pro: easy to get along with, boyish enthusiasm, will try to prove he is smart
    Con: trouble committing to his partner; might 'fraternize' with females on other teams.

    March 20, 2011 at 2:02PM EST Reply to Comment


  • Jax Teller
    Pro: could fix a broken down vehicle, loyal to his teammate, would kill for his team
    Con: probably against the rules to kill for your team.

    March 20, 2011 at 2:09PM EST Reply to Comment
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    Andrew

    I kind of want to game the system and go with Rob Mariano who is proven to be good at this.

    And yeah, Sarah is an easy pick over Casey and Chuck. Casey would hate everyone, Chuck would mug for camera time, Sarah would just be ruthlessly efficient in her quest to get back to Chuck as quickly as possible.

    March 20, 2011 at 2:10PM EST Reply to Comment
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      Mandi Andrew, totally agree! Rob's an awesome player on TAR and Survivor....but he's real. :-(

      March 21, 2011 at 3:44PM EST


  • Kenneth from '30 Rock'
    Pro: very resourceful, willing to do anything, will follow orders without question
    Con: endurance could be a problem because he is really old.

    March 20, 2011 at 2:12PM EST Reply to Comment
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