Hey guess what? You're a fan of soccer now. Yes, you, American person who has never cared about sports before. Now here's what you do next: you watch every World Cup game. You talk incessantly about every World Cup game. You constantly check the scores on your phone even when you're out dining with other people. You tweet about Cristiano Ronaldo's eyebrows for no good reason. You become the most annoying faux-sports fan in the history of the world. You repeat every four years until death.

On that note, here's a sampling of disappointed tweets from celebrities, internet celebrities and just regular ol' people following Portugal superstar Silvestre Varela's truly spectacular last-second goal today, followed by a collection of more hopeful (but now far less relevant) tweets that came after U.S. player Clint Dempsey used his tight delicious abdomen to score against the Sub-Spaniard monsters earlier in the game. What did it all amount to? A very un-American phenomenon known as a tie.

AND HERE ARE THE ONES ABOUT CLINT DEMPSEY'S ABDOMEN/GROIN/WHATEVER BODY PART THAT WAS.