"Excuse me, Mr. Bear? The woman at the end of the bar wanted me to send you a glass of our finest bourbon. You see, she really likes it when animals do people things, so if you could just sit on this stool and slowly sip your drink while murmuring aloud at what has become of your life, it would make her really happy."

After listening to these newscasters make ursine jokes, I understand why the dang bear needed a drink.

(via Videogum)

Liana Maeby grew up in Los Angeles and it has made her just as terrible as you'd expect. A graduate of USC's film school, she previously worked as an editor for Crushable.com, and has written for publications like Interview and The Village Voice. Her first book, a satirical work entitled "Earl Can Hurl (You Can Hurl Too)" written when she was eight, remains unpublished.