Will someone please give this goddamn bear a drink?: Watch
"Excuse me, Mr. Bear? The woman at the end of the bar wanted me to send you a glass of our finest bourbon. You see, she really likes it when animals do people things, so if you could just sit on this stool and slowly sip your drink while murmuring aloud at what has become of your life, it would make her really happy."
After listening to these newscasters make ursine jokes, I understand why the dang bear needed a drink.