Nice try, boneheads, but giving birth is hardly the worst part of pregnancy. That would be the nine months of somehow remaining human while a growing parasite plays house inside your body, depleting you of nutrients, making you vomit, and permanently changing your metabolism for the worse. Also: maternity wear is way hideous.

Next up in nontraditional romantic gifts: a man gets breast implants, but they're really, really small and unappealing.

(via Videogum)

Liana Maeby grew up in Los Angeles and it has made her just as terrible as you'd expect. A graduate of USC's film school, she previously worked as an editor for, and has written for publications like Interview and The Village Voice. Her first book, a satirical work entitled "Earl Can Hurl (You Can Hurl Too)" written when she was eight, remains unpublished.